everything is fixed :)

nick fixed everything last night ♥

im happy about that...i hope things stay this way :)

i'm supposed to go to a concert tonight..

hope it goes well :)

Lyrics - 900 PIECES

i once met a boy who broke a girls heart
and a girl who could never win
he's got 900 pieces left to mend
and he doesnt know where to begin
you could start the top and end at the bottom
or go from right to left
start at any direction, just go ahead
just please, don't leave her bereft


i talked to the girl and know how she feels
she's hurt and cant help herself
she doesnt want to lose him and worries sick
but doesnt care for her health
her head hangs low from day to day
and she cries into a bowl
to water her flowers with sorrows that only you know
so the world can see her soul

tell her you love her

tell her you'll never quit

tell her you want her

tell her this isn't "it"

now it just seems like the boy doesnt care,
that's what she said to me
"i cant let him go though he wants to leave,
i know it was meant to be."
i cant help but say that it touched my heart
and i've felt that way before
its like loving someone so much that it hurts so bad
that you cant take it anymore
but you do...

tell her you love her

tell her you'll never quit

tell her you want her

tell her this isn't "it"

if you still love her (if you still love her)
just let her know (let her know)
and if you still want her (you still want her)
dont let her go... no...

i once met a boy who broke a girls heart

and a girl who could never win

he's got 900 pieces left to mend

and he doesnt know where to begin

just tell her you love her

tell her you'll never quit

tell her you want her

tell her this isn't "it"

just tell her you love her

tell her you'll never quit

tell her you want her

tell her this isn't "it"

just start where you began, and take the pain away

ugh..

i need you.. so bad...

it hurts to know that i wasnt the last voice you heard before you went to sleep..

did you know it crushed me?

meep,

i look scared because i am

i cant even tell my journal how i feel without it judging me now, now that's bad 

it feels like this summer is only going to get worse for me,  

i hate school, but i've never been so excited to go back. 

nothing is going my way at all and i cant make it 

i've always thought more of others than myself,  

but i've been alone so much 

 that i'm actually starting to think about myself and what i want 

...and i dont like it at all 

i need to be distracted constantly to keep my mind off of things that i dont want to happen 

and i cant help but listen to the voices in my head when no one else is around because i just want someone to talk to me that badly 

[i hate to be alone] 

i try to sleep alot so i can pass the time and forget 

but then i wake up from another bad dream and stare at the celing and remember

no one is here.

and it's not even bad dreams, it's different..but always the same,

like its having a dream that you woke up and checked your phone then saw something and went back to sleep

then really wake up and i check and its not what i saw in the dream..its frustrating

i just wanna sleep and wake up normally

is that much to ask? i want to be okay again :(

i don't deserve you..

i'm sorry... i do trust you, and you have given me reasons to, but i know it must hurt that you think i don't... even though when you said "you dont trust me" without any tone of voice and said it like it didnt even matter i know it does because there was a time when i didnt trust you and it did matter because you wanted to fix it and you did..

i know that you are frustrated or aggravated with me because you did fix the problem and now it seems like you did it for nothing... but i promise you your work has paid off and i hate that i make you mad and i want to stop.. i dont have any self esteem and i've been down.. i dont have really anyone to talk to anymore besides you and i dont want anyone else to have you but me.. i hate when pretty girls talk to you because i feel like they can steal you because they look better

i feel like there are so many people out there better than me and more talented and prettier.. you always tell me how you think i'm the best and that you will never come across somebody that you think will be better than me and that i'm perfect for you, and my biggest fear is that you will notice and leave..that's the last thing i want, i'm too scared to lose you

i've never thought i was anything to be proud of but you do and i don't get it.. sometimes i think that if you knew that i was a loser before you asked me out that you wouldn't have done it but i know thats not true because you point out all the good things in me, even when you critisize me you never straight shoot me down, you say "you do (this) but you need to do (this)" and tell me not to give up, then when i do you tell me i shouldnt have and of course you're always right, because you're not lying to me

i have been like this because since the summer started i have been anxious to see you.. now i only have a week and a half left before i leave for a whole month and i have barely seen you at all even though near the end of school you said you wanted to see me every day and i got sad, i got frustrated because it seemed like you were almost always with everyone EXCEPT me.. i know it sounds selfish, but i wanted you to be mine this month, i wont have you at all besides on the phone and computer for a month so i wanted you now :(

i wish i could tell you how guilty i feel.. i feel horrible. it's almost been a WHOLE year and i love you with more than all i have, i feel so terrible for thinking of you like this because i know i shouldnt. i want to be happy, i dream of being happy and i'm ready to be happy and i hate that the voices in my head keep holding me back. i promise to you i'll change...i'm not going to ruin something that's meant to be,
just please never let me go..

Lyrics - Unless You're Lying

your words scarred me like a knife would to my skin
they throw me at the wall until im as bruised as an old apple
but i still want to listen
i'd rather it be me than her..
even though i'm hurt, i dont care
so i'll just play it off
because it doesnt really matter
just like you said..

so say my name, and i'll listen to what you have to say
over a-gain, until i want to run away
but i know-oh that everything will be okay
because i shouldnt have to worry anymore
unless you're lying

i heard things that i'd never ever want to hear

the thoughts haunt me like a ghost out from my closet

but i still want to listen

i'd rather it be me than her..

even though i'm hurt, i dont care

so i'll just play it off

because it doesnt really matter

just like you said..

so say my name, and i'll listen to what you have to say

over a-gain, until i want to run away

but i know-oh that everything will be okay

because i shouldnt have to worry anymore

unless you're lying

dont mention her...no its not because i hate her

i'm just jealous...because she had you, my life-saver

please dont mention her...and no, i dont hate her

its because i cant handle it, i cant handle it(x2)

but say my name, and i'll listen to what you have to say

over a-gain, until i want to run away

but i know-oh that everything will be okay

because i shouldnt have to worry anymore

unless you're lying

i'm glad you're not lying
or i'd still be crying

natural eyes :)

i've been content with myself wearing little or no makeup lately..

so i came up with this for my eyes just for a little effect :)

i used almost skin colored eyeshadow and a mauve color on the crease just to make them look bigger :)

then the eyeliner is brown instead of black and no mascara

what do you think? :)

coontail tutorial :)

my boyfriend suggested coontails the other day, 

i wasnt really all for it at first but he was...

so he did it for me with black hairspray so i could see what it looked like 

and it looked really good! so i said i'd do it :)

i looked up for some tutorials online on how to do them but i could only find ones who dyed extentions...

i dont have extentions nor do i want them so i just followed what they did on my own hair and decided to do my own tutorial :D so here it goes :)

here's what you need:

tape

a brush (i used an old paint brush)

hair dye

*you dont have to use the brand i did, but that hair dye only costed me $3.99 which is the most inexpensive hair dye i've ever bought, and it works like a dream :)

**and obviously you can do them any color not just black

first thing you need to do is tape the parts of your hair that you dont want to get dye on them and try to spage them out as evenly as you can (unless you're doing different sizes on purpose...)

next, you mix the dye according to the directions that came with it then paint it on with the paint brush on both sides of the hair you taped (front and back) and do it from bottom to top

then you just wait :)

for my hair since its bleached i had to wait 45 minutes :|

just wait as long as the directions say to

then you rinse out the dye in order from bottom to top so all the color is even and so everything doesnt really run together and take the tape off as you go (if the water doesnt make it fall off for you lol)

then there's your result!! coontails :D

worked perfectly for me :)

try it if you want!

thanks for the idea Nicko :) i love you!!

nick is my boyfriend/personal stylist haha

mmmuah!

pigtails, numbers and names ♥

like my pigtails :D nick's idea...of course :)

and i'm gonna do coontails on one side tonight too

wish me luck!!

okay...now for the title of this thing:

pigtails, numbers and names....

throughout the years...there has been a reocurring pattern with number's and names for me.

its going to be difficult to explain this but i wanna get it all out

this has to do with 

my lucky numbers:

5, 8, 15

my unlucky numbers:

3, 4, 18

my favorite numbers:

2, 6, 7, 16

one of the reasons i feel like me and nick are supposed to be together is his name... i met him as "Nicko" which is 5 letters and has 2 of my favorite letters "K" and "O"

The name i met him by and his middle name, Scott, are both 5 letters long and both are my favorite names and his last name is 8 letters long, my other lucky number.

my last ex's all had names that were 4 letters long, and his last ex was 3 letters

add those 2 numbers together and you get 7, which is both of our favorite numbers

my first name and last name our both 7 letters

__________________♥_________________

when i was 4 is when everything bad stuff started happening, my family split

4 years later, we moved and i didnt know anyone

4 years after that, i switched schools and hated it

4 years after that i got my heart broken, but at 16 i met nick :)

and he was 15, one of my lucky numbers

and 15 days after the first day we hung out is when we started dating, June 30th

maybe i'm just wierd, but i dont think they're just coincidences :)

Happy Father's Day

ti made this for my dad for father's day :)

i got him a card but it didnt send and came back to me...so i made him this :)

i was just going to email him the file but i think i will send it to him framed in the mail instead :)

i hope he likes it :D

i worked very hard on this :)

happy Father's day to all of the dad's out there!!