this is my work... well i do the spot lights for magic shows. its a pretty cool job, i blogged about it last year as well when i did a show. well that is me sitting in the lighting booth, it's very dark except for these small bright lights that shine on your face really strong that make really wierd shadows >.< i also have an all access pass! that means i can go anywhere in the building :) its pretty awesome. they give us free dinner and i ate soooo much bread @_@ and they had mashed potatoes drowing in butter...i think i just drooled thinking about it *_* opps...i drooled on the touchpad...anyway, they had this cheesecake that had an oreo crust but had chocolate. walnuts and caramel on top. IT WAS SO GOOD. i wanted another piece but someone else got it :( the butter there was so creamy though ^_^ mmm... *drools again* now im hungry T-T 

while i was working i had brought my laptop with me and nick didn't want to go to the show so i left the computer on and turned on the webcam and a program i can see his screen ^_^ one time i looked over at the screen and he had screenshotted me! i was like O_O it was probably a funny face i made xD he said he would blog about it so he'll probably post the screenshots :) actually he just sent them to me so here we go!

small pics but you get the idea :)

the light was taller than i was but if i had lowered it then it wouldnt have reached over the window >.< but i'm a trooper! :D haha xD i'm the best spotter they've ever had, they said so themselves :) it makes me feel proud.

haha he caught me while i was drinking a sprite too xD

well thats about all for now ~

another collage :)

alot less complicated than the other... but its still cute :)

i will post about tonight tomaro morning if i have the time ~

freezing!!!

it feels like winter outside!! today i wore a scarf

i had it since i was to and it says "snow angel" in small letters on the bottom

it came with my old coat...sadly i can still fit it T-T

it was green and blue/purple with a silver stripe

it was very warm ^_^

i never knew how big of a difference it would make in being cold to just put a scarf on my neck. i was so much warmer than just my sweater~ !

omg i'm so tired T-T

omg so tired its crazy @_@ my grandma called me after i was already sleeping and said to call my mom but i didnt want to >.< then i talked to her and she talked to my sister. the surgery went well and she comes home today at 10am :) this morning when i went to my tv stand i saw that she left me 2$ for lunch money... i was like awwww thank you mami ^_^ so i get to eat lunch today!

here's my new collage:

\

all of our pics from may at the UC game last year =)

cuteness right??! i love this collage so much :)

these are time consuming but look so cute!

nick said he liked the one i made :) so i'm gonna make more!

-------------------------------------------

today i get to make some money :)

i'm going to do the spotlight for a couple of magic shows this weekend~

i want to save most of the money

but i have a few things in mind :)

j  a  h  a  n  e  ♥

Ten Days post 2 - Day 7

Day 1; 10 things you want to say to 10 different people
Day 2; 9 people who have influenced you
Day 3; 8 pictures to describe how you're feeling
Day 4; 7 things you do every day
Day 5; 6 songs you listen to on a daily basis
Day 6; 5 things you wish you could change
Day 7; 4 things you're craving
Day 8; 3 people who inspire you
Day 9; 2 books you've read and liked
Day 10; 1 symbol that represents you

1. mocha frappe
2. cinnamon rolls
3. sweet & spicy doritos
4. s'mores

Ten Days post 2 - Day 6

Day 1; 10 things you want to say to 10 different people
Day 2; 9 people who have influenced you
Day 3; 8 pictures to describe how you're feeling
Day 4; 7 things you do every day
Day 5; 6 songs you listen to on a daily basis
Day 6; 5 things you wish you could change
Day 7; 4 things you're craving
Day 8; 3 people who inspire you
Day 9; 2 books you've read and liked
Day 10; 1 symbol that represents you

1. someone in my life who i want to be gone
2. that i dont have a job and need one badly
3. that i didn't have stupid post traumatic stress
4. that me and nick cant get married as soon as we want to
5. that my mom is getting surgery

nicko sang me to sleep last night :)

first of all, thank you for your post rabbito! so glad you liked my pixel i made, i knew you would ^_^ and i love that icon on your post it is so true!! ♥ you rabbito! n_n

i would have commented but i couldn't figure out how o_o oh jeez i was so flabbergasted! [dont ask where i got that word from xD] 

second: hello to my two new followers!! joee joe and bunnyluvers =) i'll check out your blogs soon :)

i wore red lipstick today ~

i put some on last night because nick said it would look pretty

but i couldnt get it off!!!

so my bottom lip was still red when i woke up @_@

so i just evened it out before i went to school so it would look better :)

 guaged my ear up a few days ago ↓ ↓

looks great right? need to do the other one now xD

look at this cute callage i made of me and nick's first summer together!

programs used: photoshop cs3, photoscape for notebook effect
[[click image for full size]]

i absolutely love it! i was so happy when i was finished =)

oh my, the memories ~ ♥

aww we look so young too :')

nick is making me blog xD

well i'm not entirely sure what to blog about
o_o i didn't exactly have a topic in mind... n_n' heh heh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
well, if you guys remember back to some weeks ago,
in my post "novemberfever," i pointed out that today was destined to be a horrible day... which is why it is ironic that i wasn't sad when i woke up this morning... (also ironic because i found out one of my friends also died yesterday... RIP Corrine T-T) i really thought i would be, but i didn't even have a bad dream. and since i wasn't in a bad mood, i decided to stay in a good one :)
nicko was in a bad mood though... this is a bad day for him
you know that person i am jealous of? it is her birthday today...
i wanted him to be happy. so i pulled on my optimism and tried to cheer him up :)
seemed a little bit doomed at first >_> but i got through to him :)
i got him pumped to get to a high score on a game
then soon enough had him giggling and being normal again :)
i'm so happy i could get him back in a good mood :) i hate when he's upset
--------------------------------------------
well now i'm bored o_o
i just got out the shower and i need clothes xD
i sang the whole time to random old songs
mostly old 80's music
this post was so random xD

i love you nick!

[[ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵧₒᵤ]] - I was thinking about you ^_^

dear nick,
      i was daydreaming about you all day today ♥ i miss you! the main thing i've been thinking about is what you said on the phone last night. how you said you love me so much, and you don't have even the slightest clue of how to describe how much and how i make you feel...

you already know this, but i feel the same way about you

isn't it crazy? we are both very smart people, regardless of the way others percieve us and that we both think alot and are sensitive. the simple fact that we are clueless of how to describe our own feelings just says something right there! we are so perfect for eachother :)
     we were both scared and sad and all kinds of confused, and the past two days we've seen eachother (even though it wasn't as planned and something cut us off both times) i still cherish the moment. because just a glimmer of your smile makes my entire life brighter. i'm so glad that we're back on track with eachother and it just astonishes me every day to realize how long we've been together, how much we've been through, and how happy we are together. no matter what happens, no matter who makes who mad, no matter who's sad, we've been inseparable, even in thoughts, since the day we first saw eachother and that's how it will always be.
wow, i'm choking up about to cry with how happy i am right now...
i love you so much, you make me so happy!!

i think we should make a new word :)

call me later baby ♥

~ xoxo, kitty



was nervous... but not anymore =)

was just in a pic editing mood today ^_^
just really quick photoscaping...but they are cute, right?
___________________________________________i was super nervous this morning
i was so scared today was going to be a really bad day
nicko didnt text me this morning so i was scared >.< but i text him and we talked so i was happy ^_^ this morning i was a little too excited xD
he was like "CALM DOWN!" cuz i said bad things >.< but he knows he likes it xD even though today has turned to start really good,
i probably still wont be so talkative with my classmates
because alot of the time they just annoy me >_< then i get super irritated!!! i wanna keep my good mood all day long :) --------------------------------------------------------------------and my mommy's surgery is tomaro everyone please keep her in your thoughts and prayers tomaro and the upcoming weeks she's expected to need a 6 week recovery... well just hope for the very best!

other announcements

i lost 2 followers! T-T
i would really like to have at least 50...
if somebody could help me out that would be awesome ^_^
-----------------------
and if you wanna help distract me just ask me questions on my formspring comment on any of my posts (here or my stories) or email/AIM me! my email is KittyBeri@aol.com, AIM is KittyBeri. and some of you have me on facebook as well :)
and i hope all my friends liked thier pixels! ♥

=D

i got my first ever blog comment from nick!!! this day just keeps getting better =D i'm so excited now!!!

gifts for friends :)

for my favorite people <333 hope you like them!

who cares if we're across the world? ♥

i love all of you guys ♥

OMG!!!!!!

today at lunch...there were modeling scouts....

they asked me to sign up

i said "but i'm only 4 foot 10?"

she said that they put anyone from 4'10" to 6 foot on the runway!

she said that she liked me alot and to sign up and that she would call me!!!

i'm so excited!!!! ...i might actually get to be a model!

happy mood ~

~ not alot of makeup today ~

(took these when i first woke up)

i have a happy since last night ~

finally!! hopefully it will not leave just yet~ but it might ~

i am very scared for the upcoming  days, from tomaro all the way thru next monday, i will probably be in a  very very bad mood if i am not distracted

 yesterday nicko asked me to meet him at the bowling alley after school, so i rode my bike to there (its only a short ride) but it took longer than i thought from having to cross the street so many times

i only got to stay for a short time... i think less than an hour >.< i was really sad when i left... i wanted more attention  ...he was bowling with his friend Tommy. i cant bowl >.< i bowl a 42... thats really bad!!! tommy bowled like a 170-something and i was like  when he got 5 strikes in a row... but then nick got 2 strikes and tommy started to get unlucky *giggles mischeviously* i dont like Tommy so i wanted him to do bad xD

when i got home you know what time it is!

 ← you know it :)

he was all sweet the whole time ^_^

at one point i had my webcam on and forgot it was on then started doing my hair

and since i forgot it was on, i didnt know he was watching me and i started to do my hair

he text me and said "ur so pretty aw" and i blushed everywhere!!!

then he called me back a few minutes later.

i could get used to this haha

and this pixel i made for me and rabbito-chan ♥

our friendship means so much to me :)
i'm making a few more of these :)
candytuft, aidyl and koo: you should all keep watch! i'm making yours soon ^_^
i love you all so much
you guys help me through everything and i ♥ you guys forever!
you're all true friends :)

why am i wierd? i'm really starting to hate it.

ever since i was little, i've never been so dependant on friends or other people that i wasn't always doing my own thing.

i did try to fit, i was in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade, but it just wasnt me..

i always liked "different" things, but i never thought they were wierd...i thought people were just being mean, but they really do think i'm wierd..

people think it is "wierd" that i like music in different languages, that i like anime, that i constantly write out my feelings into songs or poems or the way i like to dress or talk...it's like every single thing about me is wierd!!!

i really don't like the word "wierd" ...i prefer "unique," "different" or "uncommon." i've also been called "strange" which kind of hurts my feelings :( but what can i do about it?

conform? no. because that doesnt make me happy at all.

kill everyone who doesn't like it? ...possibly. xD

i WILL listen to my finnish bands, i WILL watch my anime, i WILL sing in korean, i WILL write out my feelings and i WILL wear all the god damn fishnet stockings i want!!! because that is what I like. and those are the things that keep me somewhat content...

i don't see what is so hard to understad...

they like jersey shore, i like peach girl.

they like David Beckham, i like Ville Valo.

they like seventeen magazine, i like Metalhammer.

they like facebook, i like blogger.

they like harry potter...i like Negima!

they like adam lambert, i like gackt

they like burgers, i like sushi

chicken noodle on a sick day? i like miso

i'm not nearly as "wierd" as they think...

i don't care what they think :) im gonna keep being me.

hardest thing in the world.

i hate this month.. i just wanna skip over it.. i'm so serious

i dont want wednesday to come.. and i dont want thursday to come..

i can't concentrate and i have to do a monologue on next monday

November 22 -my unlucky day.

i'm not going to make it in the school play 

i wont be able to memorize the part i'm supposed to read

i cant do it.. it's too much..

there's only one audition day. i'm not even going to try out..

and this morning me and nick had a fight.. and last night we had a fight.. mean words exchanged... i wont get into detail but as you can tell by my post from the middle of the night last night, i was really shook up.

he was sweet and tried to cheer me up after it, because he's sweet and he doesnt want to fight with me... but i cant help but be upset after we fight...because we never fight.

i almost said something i really would have regretted :( i just want to hide in a hole...

but i cant do that... hiding wont help anything... we have to stick together and make it work but i didnt know how hard this would be :(

i need all my friends right now

just pray for my mom and me & nick and my family

we need it..

Ten Days post 2 - Day 5

Day 1; 10 things you want to say to 10 different people
Day 2; 9 people who have influenced you
Day 3; 8 pictures to describe how you're feeling
Day 4; 7 things you do every day
Day 5; 6 songs you listen to on a daily basis
Day 6; 5 things you wish you could change
Day 7; 4 things you're craving
Day 8; 3 people who inspire you
Day 9; 2 books you've read and liked
Day 10; 1 symbol that represents you


1. in joy and sorrow - HIM
2. only you can save me - the 69 eyes
3. when love and death embrace - HIM
4. she's not like the other girls - the rasmus
5. love you to death - type o negative
6. love you like i do - HIM

distraught..

i don't know...i just...*sigh* its hard to explain..

what happened? i cant sleep anymore at all.. i fall asleep and i cry and wake up...then cry more when i wake up. and then i don't stop until i have to go to school, then i wash my face and walk to the bus stop and fake my happiness all day. then come home and keep doing it.. my notebook is the only person i can talk to sometimes...which i wouldnt mind as much if it didn't cramp the hell out of my hand... but i hate this.. i don't know how much more i can take and i dont know how i feel besides hurt..

that doesn't even cover it. 

i need to be held and kissed again.. i need comfort and care.. and i really need a back massage... but i dont know the next time i'll get any of that.. i blew up on nick.. i feel horrible.. but im glad i didn't blow up as big as i felt like.. it would have made every thing so much worse. i'm so stressed out over my feelings right now :( if any word could describe the way i'm feeling right now, it would be heartbroken.. 

he showed me this song.. i know he did on purpose..

he asked me if i liked it... i dont know.. i hate it... 

it just reminds me of the negative feelings that i want to go away

but they wont.

and it looks like they never will..

but i can dream right?

i cant sleep...

i dont want to live here

i had a bad weekend again and my moms getting big surgery thurday..

and wednesday will be horrible..

there is nothing that can help anything. all i can do is lay here and suffer

i dont know if i can do this..

and i hate crying..

Ten Days post 2 - Day 4

Day 1; 10 things you want to say to 10 different people
Day 2; 9 people who have influenced you
Day 3; 8 pictures to describe how you're feeling
Day 4; 7 things you do every day
Day 5; 6 songs you listen to on a daily basis
Day 6; 5 things you wish you could change
Day 7; 4 things you're craving
Day 8; 3 people who inspire you
Day 9; 2 books you've read and liked
Day 10; 1 symbol that represents you

1 talk to nick
2 go to school
3 think
4 check my email
5 want to hurt someone
6 check my blog
7 listen to music