g o b a n a n a s ;

i was dressed up in all yellow today for our school spirit day. 

i might post my whole outfit later, but anyway, today is boring so far.

basically i'm giving a speach on monday because one of the freshman made me kinda mad, asking if the program was pointless...so i dont think they'll really like that..

life is really starting to get frustrating, and its taking alot out of me and nick. we're so happy together, but thats the only parts of our lives that aren't messed up. i thought that his ex-girlfriend was the only obstacle we would have to overcome, but this summer we had a bigger problem that i cant believe even happened, it was stuff that was from the past and it was dumb that trouble came out of it.. then we could barely see eachother anymore. and now he has horrible stomach pains and i've got really bad anxiety and freak out all the time. both of our homes are starting to get tiring, and i hate where i live and who i live with...

we want to be happy and be together forever and we're going to, but there are so many things trying to stop us. first it was an array of different people, then it was parents, and now its physical pain which is hurting us both emotionally as well and its so stressful.. all we want to do is love eachother  it makes me so sad, and him too. everyone please pray for us and help us out, we need it, and im going to talk to God too.. we're going to do all we can to fix everything so we can be happy not just with eachother but with everything else too.  he's worth way too much to give up on. i love him so much ♥

well,

apparently ducks are hot tempered.

my love; ♥

oh how i miss him ♥
the other day, monday, was a bad day though..
very bad... but everything is fine now.
nick was supposed to walk with me from school, i started a day before him, so he was off school,
but he lost track of time and i was sad.. i waited at the park behind from his house for 30 minutes, i called his cell and his house and texted him but no answer.. then i heard him yell, so i started walking to his house from the back way, and he was skating with kyle. i guess he yelled because he fell.. i was so sad :(  i just wanted to cry.. and i did.. he held me.
we hung out at larry's for a little then his dad got home and he had to go.. i kind of blew up.. and i wanted to kiss him and hug him, but at the same time i was mad and sad and the two feelings combined frazzled me and i got confused and when he hugged me i pushed him away... and i squeezed his hand but i really just wanted to hold it... and i was so scared and i didnt know what to do i was so confused :( i didnt mean to do it, i love him! i would never want to push him away.. it really hurt him :( we talked about everything though and we're fine again..
i told him, that when i promised i would never leave him thats also me promising to always be there, and to be nice too him and be the best to him. i will never give up on him no matter what and will always forgive him and him the same to me. i love him so much, he is so perfect, i love the way that we never fight.
when we're upset we talk, just talk about it and then everything is fine as soon as the problem is fixed which is one of the best things about us. that's why we're going to last forever, and i can say that with confidence unlike anything else.

i love my beautiful boy ♥
i cant wait until my school dances and when we start going on dates again.
he said we're going to try and hang out more, i miss being his best friend
we get along so well, he's the only person i ever wanna hang out with
because we work so well together.
he's the whole package,
pretty, sweet, understanding, smart
athletic, generous and thoughtful and so much more
i'm in love with my best friend :)
this is the best i've ever had,
and i want him forever ♥

boredness; blahhhhhh, omg... T-T

i've just been sitting here waiting to leave. 

i colored on photoshop ^_^

kinda like that litttle thing, but i dont know what to do with it..

XD oh well, i'll figure it out haha

hamster love! ♥
                
                
                  

i miss this show so much <3 everyone loves hamtaro!

study hall.

this is my first study hall in like, my whole life. and i'm a senior.

today is my second day at school and i dont even know, it feels wierd

knowing that i most likely wont be here another year, its wierd..

while on the subject of school,

i am going to be a doctor, now. instead of a graphic designer.

you know how sometimes doctors dont listen to you,

 when you have a problem that's hard to explain?

like, if your stomach hurts only when you leave the house,

and you know its more than just nerves, but thats all the doctor says it is?

well i wanna be the doctor that listens, because i think i can be.

i figured out what was wrong with Nick the other day

and he said it would be a good idea.

its a lot of school...like a LOT... but i think i can..

we will see :)

beast mode on this answer.

i'm smart :)

my horoscope;

You may find yourself getting sidetracked by all sorts of weird people or thoughts today -- so don't worry too much about getting all your work done. You may encounter a new idea that works well for you.

pshh, tell me about it..

i had the most horrible dream last night ever..

so now everything is botthering me.

again.

i wish all this stuff would just stop,

all of these girls...

and my jealousy...

i've  been deprived from Nicko for so long,

and its really starting to bother me alot

and i know he hates it

he always says i'm complaining...and i am

not on purpous, cuz i dont like it..

there's just things i dont understand

and i want to know, so i ask

and i get frustrated if i dont get a straight answer

i'm one of those people who need an explanation

because if i dont get one, i'll assume the worst.

i stopped assuming the best because i was always wrong when i did that.

and i would rather be right than have my hopes shot down.

see the ring lookin thing? nick gave me it :)
because it's special to him, cuz for some reason
since he was little, he could never lost it :)
♥

Poem - Untitled 7

should i stop hoping?
or maybe stop trying,
not sure what is the word,
but i should, because i'm so not little anymore.

maybe i shouldnt be so sensitive,
things aren't fair for me,
but since there is a chance that they could be,
should i not try?

i get scared and worried,
frustrated and mad and sad
and never know how to let it out
because i dont even know where i am
but i guess it can be okay to cry
for it is not my downfall,
only a waterfall
those can possess beauty,
and maybe so do i

and if i give up, i may never know
but what should i do?
it's never my way, no matter what
and i cant be walked over for my whole life,
i need to get up and take charge,
but i cant..

i cant tell you what to do
in my mind, you are still older than me
so i have to do what you say
and since i care what you think..
i cant be so mean...
and i cant say threats like
"do this or i will leave"
for the fear that you might just let me go
and it not harm you any..
and that would hurt me the most...