intense.

sorry i havent blogged these past couple of days. 2 nights ago, was having a hard time, kind of a rough night. and yesterday was pretty good but somehing happened and i don't think i should say it. but i will be indirect.

i'll say that it started out fun, then got serious.

i'll say that real love always comes through.

i'll say it could have torn us apart, but it really brought us closer.

i'll say that i could be scared, but i'm not.

i'll say that no matter what, love never fails.

i'll say that you will always be my knight in shining armour.

i'll say that nothing can sway my thoughts of you.

i'll say that i will always be here for you no matter what happens

i'll say that i understand you, and nothing is wrong with you in my eyes.

i'll say that i never want to see you so hurt ever again.

i'll say that even if you do cry again, i'll be there to wipe your tears away.

i'll say that i will love you forever.

i'll say you're my best friend.

i'll say i'm sorry i fell asleep so early last night.

i'll say thank you to your parents for taking me home.

i'll say i cant wait to see you today.

i'll say that everything is okay, because it is.

and i'll say that i believe you when you promised me last night.

  i love you

i'll blog tomaro.

be back later.

x o , a e r i b a b y ♥

good mourning

 i spelled it that way for a reason.

last night was very difficult

i did something i had never really done...

and i didn't like it.

me and nicko ended up not hanging out...

i had a wierd feeling it would happen :/

after he called later that night we were talking about stuff and got onto the subject of his ex...and how he didn't understand why i cant handle them talking or seeing eachother...which just really sucked that not only he still didnt get it ater all that happened but that i had to explain it again..

and he knew that there was alot of things that i never said and told me to just say them...and i really didn't want to...but i did..

it felt horrible to say all of those things to him

i'm so used to holding in things in, because i dont want to say them
just not tell, keep it in - cry later
then no one will know and everything will be better
but i said it...almost everything i ever wanted to say...
i guess because like i said if you don't cry sometimes you might never be able to smile again...
there was alot of tears and still some unsead words
when i get rowed up i tend to lose myself and i cant get everything out because so many things are going through my head at once that i just cant.
he actual told me to point out all of his flaws...i refused
but he kept asking me and asking me and i didn't want to
and then i did...
i completely went back on every promise i made myself when i did that.
nick is one of those people that don't get hurt...
nothing you can say can hurt his feelings...
if i really thought it would actually hurt him, i wouldnt have done it at all.
i only expected 1 of two reactions:
i either thought he would yell at me or he would just hang up
but instead he felt bad...
and i was already torn over what i did and then when it actually hurt him i felt just so many times worse about it i just wanted to tell him over and over how sorry i am for it.
he said alot of things jumped out at him that he didnt notice before...
i asked him "such as what" and he said there was too much...
i asked him also if there is anything that he would do differently now that he knows some of the thigns he does and he said "yes" and that he'd figure it out...
he was so hurt that he didn't even know how to feel
i've never heard him be so confused...

i say sometimes...when i get mad because of how mean he is sometimes...
that i wish i could just point out every single thing thats wrong with him just like he did to me.
so then he would know how i felt
and i why i dont talk about things
and that it hurts and how bad
what it feels like for someone to really break you down...
but i didn't actually want to do that
i just wanted him to know what it felt like but i didn't want to be the one to show him...
in my mind, you guys know that i go by the golden rule
and that i don't like revenge
but i just got it...and it's not sweet at all...it's a horrible feeling
the worst feeling...
i just made the only person i truely love in the whole world, feel like he was the worst person ever..
i feel ashamed of myself, i'm mad at myself, upset with myself and really regret saying all of that stuff
and he said "you should be proud"
how could i be proud?!
"you said you always wish you could hurt me...and you finally did it. no one can hurt me but you...you should be proud of yourself"
i'm not proud baby...i'm sorry...
i've said it so many times and i realy mean it
i love you
i didn't want to hurt you

we almost broke up because of this
i scared him :( i feel so bad
i also found out what happened finally...on november 22 2009...that's the day he cheated on me
even though it is nearly a year and a half late, i'm glad i finally know what happened
i wont lie, when he told me...i bursted into tears
i couldnt not cry
because i knew it happened, and the first time i saw her it really hit me that it happened
and now that i actually know what happened, it actually happened...
like i cant be in denial anymore because i know
and yea, it's killer
i hate it but it happened
i have to forgive him and i did a long time ago
but it's really hard you know.
we forgave eachother...we had to
and i had to tell him that he's not all bad
and it took a while to make him feel even a little bit better
but i had to show him he's worth it
and that he means everything to me
now he knows how i feel and i'm sorry he had to feel that way...maybe something good will come from it and he'll understand more things better, or maybe he wont do some things because now he knows how bad they hurt

yesterday...he actually quoted the Bible
he couldnt remember what he knew the quote from, but i did. it just took me a while because i hadnt read it in a while.

1 Corithians 13:4

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”

that's God's definition of love...true love

like the love we had before so many things happened

we both agreed how much we miss how perfect we were

and that want to and will be that way again

i've always thought of love that way and i tried to show him all of those things in the verse

but now i'm jealous and slightly resentful, but it's not really against him more than it is against someone else

i always hope...try hard to trust...always hope and get through everything

this promise will be kept always

[[xo,aeribaby]]

:| . . .

hoping. . .                          
you promised but i think you forgot . .

happy happy happy! +gift from rabbito!

you probably cant tell by the picture, but i am ecsatic

this is the happyest i've been in a long time ~

its a better than perfect bounce back from this weekend
 i love my scottybaby

going to see him today  so happy  

and remember how i said every monday?  he agreed!!

so, i get to see my every monday now  its perfect

he said "monday, wednesday and friday...plus saturday and sunday" xD

 that really makes me smile :) i love him so much

i cant describe how happy i am now :)

 i want things to stay like this
----------------------------------

i finally got my gift in the mail from rabbito chan!

click to enlarge :)

super sweet gift! i got a kawaii card, a letter, 2 smaller cards

2 okitoki phone charms and food shaped things, might be erasers xD i love them all!

if you click the image you'll be able to read all the text :)

she needs to get back from camp! i miss her dearly :(

i'm in a great mood :) i love my life right now!

♥[[xo, aeribaby]]♥

YesStyle wishlist :)

great web site :) i got it from a facebook friend a week or 2 ago

but, i deactivated my facebook :( sooooorrrrrrrryyyyyy

if anyone needs me i'm always on here :) msn (+me! yrrebsa@live.com ) and skype! search me there as Aeri Quinones or kitty.quinones on there.

i love this site!!! so many kawaii things ♥

this is my current wishlist from there :) w/links!

holly shoes <3

harem pants <3 LOVEEE!!!

skinny pants :)

i like the pink and light blue ones ~

giraffe shirt ^____^

kawaii~~ bear hoodie!! ~

racerback tank dress :)

^all the colors :) i want purple, green pink and black xD

too much, i know xD thats why its a wishlist!

off shoulder ribbed top~ SUPER LOVEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

cost 9.60 :3 cheapest on the list~~

--------------------now---------------------

MY ABSOLUTE WANT NEED

HVBAO slip ons. MOST KAWAII SHOES EVER

i would color the kids with washable markers to make it look like me and nicko :)

probably the main reason i want them. 28.80$ ...i love them...

 yesterday turned out to be such a great day 

 i  g o t  t o  s e e  m y  s c o t t y b a b y 

i was so happy   !!

i went over after he got out of school 

i did some homework and we talked and ate stuff

then we played DBZ Tenkaichi 3

it was fun  i even got a win ! xD

-------------------------------------------------

i am so happy :)

i really am...everything is perfect right now

me and my baby are great

i dance again, seeing scotty,  gameboy emulators, good grades, webcam chats with cute faces  i started drawing againall is good
i wanna see my boy more and maybe we can do this every monday...because i really liked it alot seeing him and then dance right after, makes the day end perfect
and since i have dance, then i dont stay too late which means his parents wont try to get us to go out to eat so he doesnt have to leave
i can't wait till i see him again  hopefully friday  

will blog later :)
    l o v e  y o u  a l l 
[[xo, aeribaby]]

F M L ~ !!!!!! UGH!!!

yeah, basically. ^. . .

last night, i was so happy finally, after a horrible weekend that i hated  i was talking to him and we were gonna hang out today, so i was so very excited  ~ ! you know how i get 

i was going to go to his house after school and bring my homework and dance clothes to change and then have my mom get me for dance....i also wanted to show him some of the dances xD

and then...what do you know

-____________________________________-

well it started with a thunderstorm. i'm scared of them for one, like extremely scared. and i was up most of the night, but when i fell asleep i was woken up by tornado sirens D: even scarier!!!

so i went and woke up my mom and sister and and me and tehya went to the basement around 5 am and my mom turned on the tv to see what was going on. i fell asleep in the basement so i didnt know what she said but when i woke up my sister was already on the bus which means i missed mine...i dont know why my mom let me sleep when she knows i hate to be late. so i asked her to take me to school

lately i've been bloated and had really bad gas and i knew i still did so i thought i would fart and get it over with but i hadnt tried yet. i felt really nauseous coming back up the stairs and as soon as i got up i thought i was going to burp but instead it was this nasty wet burp that turned into a huge throw up -__- it was disgusting... i put carpet foam on it so it should be clean soon...says to leave it on for an hour and i just scrubbed it out.

my mom told me i wasnt going to school :| which usually is the opposite...but then she gave me a list of chores, 1 including emptying the water bucket outside every hour to keep our basement from flooding -_- and i have to do dishes and clean the bathroom...plus i have to copy notes off of my teacher's blog for the check-in tomaro and have like 2 paragraphs to write  

i want to just go to school...i asked my grandma to take me but she wont drive in the rain :\

and nick said i cant come over now :(

i said "i know i'm sick and its raining"

but i really don't know the reason he said no

i think he's mad at me...

i was really hoping that after a few hours i would feel better and still be able to go over

cause i still miss him like crazy and still have lots of homework and still have dance class :\

hopefully he gets on today and tells me or it will bother me all day >_<

-----------------------------------

last night we decided to find something fun to do

it was nicks idea :) i love when he does things like this.

so we can do things together even though we dont see eachother alot, i think it's really sweet ♥

so we downloaded a GBA emulator so we could play gameboy advance games ^_^

it's so fun :D we're playing Pokemon Emerald right now

i'm tempted to play it now but i really need to do my work.

i wanna get 3 quizzes done today +all my notes

i'm aiming for a 50/50 on my notebook this time, last time i got 44/50 on check-in

so wish me luck :)

and nicko, i'm sorry i'm so scared of storms :(

and please tell me what your reason is i cant come over? it's bothering me >_<

 x o , a e r i b a b y