thank you rabbito!! <3

after one of my post i learned that i wasnt the only person feeling the way i am

when times are feeling down you can always count on someone to pick you back up

rabbito picked me up all the way from malaysia ^_^

thank you rabbi-chan i love you!!

stupid eyes... >.>

me on the inside vs. me on the outside

sometimes i think i have too many emotions,

but thats not true...i have emotions like any other person

mine are just a little strong

i normally only feel anger towards myself

i filter my anger into sorrow because i dont like to be angry

if its something i'm sensitive about, my mood can change in a snap

the only problem is that i cant always hide it

because of my stupid eyes...

they show everything

the colors slightly change, but not everyone notices

the ones who do can read me like a book.

but even besides the colors my eye's are very expressive

and i HATE it

it sucks when you're trying to hide your feelings but your stupid eyes just decide they want to scream to a world how you're feeling

its annoying :(

Poem - Where Did You Go?

...

i would have rather not talked about it..im sorry...

a selfish wish..

i wish i had a bestfriend.

its selfish but it's true...

i do have best friends, but my best friends have best friends

like there are people who have more than one best friend, but even then there's always one who they hang out with and talk to the most...you know what i mean?

well i dont really have that...

i'm best friends with people,

but im no ones bestfriend

am i not good enough to be a bestfriend anymore?

i used to have bestfriends...

but they're all different now

they hardly talk to me now

i miss being the first person they'd come to

if they needed to talk

if they needed a hug

if they needed advice

if they didnt want to be alone

if they needed anything at all

but i dont seem to be that now,

im always one of the best friends not the bestfriend

the second best or third best

the one who they talk to but dont always want to see

the one that has some things in common but not everything

the one they'll call if their mad at thier bestfriend

but who do i call?

this came up because i was looking at old pictures. i saw a picture of me and my old bestfriend. and my other old bestfriends. then i saw them and thier best friends, and other people with thier bestfriends. then i thought to myself... "where is my bestfriend?" i have a bestfriend but i am no one's bestfriend...i dont feel unwanted or unloved, its just a selfish desire...because of what i used to be..

but at the same time...

people used to fight over me...when i had bestfriends, they would all not get along in some way. whether it was envy or jealousy or anything else, they would dislike eachother and wouldnt be around eachother. they would argue about who put eachother first even though they were all number one.

i had 3 bestfriends

one was like a twin, one was a big sister and one was a little sister

just like in a family each one i went to for different things but they all meant the same

they all drifted off onto different things, different people

and one even turned against me...

i consider this post offencive but honest and im sorry to those who have read this and hurt. i do realize how selfish this is and now the whole world knows, but i cant help the way i feel...

XD

wow i look like such a creeper!!

well anyway,

i went to the mall for about 10 minutes

looked around then waited to be picked up

i got mistaken for a boy again -_-

i was sitting against the wall with my legs against me

and i was wearing a hat

the only makeup i was wearing was eyeliner at the time

but i was wearing girl clothes!

a group of girls walked past me and said "aww look at that kid!"

then the other girls were like "aw he's so cute" and

"aw look at the little emo boy"

SHOOT ME PLEASE

EMO BOY?!

i just laughed and went back to staring at my phone

thinking to myself "wow, i have boobs. you guys are retarded"

do i look like a boy?

do i look like an emo boy?

wth i have a girl face!

i think... :/

haha XD

i do not like "emo"

its so annoying to be called that

i cant stand it

i just hate labels in general

i cant be labled!

i dont fit in a label!!

anywhere!

i mean yeah sometimes i can look like one if i want to but i was all-chick today!

 they said i was hot and they wanted hugs

i just kinda looked at them and went back to minding my own business

i dont mind girls hitting on me...

IF THEY KNOW IM A GIRL!

if they think im a boy, then that does nothing for me!

hahahaha XD

some girls are retarded

*sigh*

photoshop is getting addicting...

i like figuring out all the stuff i can do with it

and finding out how i like things to look

although i seem to stamp everything with a heartagram

...im just supporting my favorite band lol

my friend Dominique answered a question on facebook and said i would probably join a cult if it had to do with HIM (the band)

actually,

i would never in my life join a real cult lol

they do say the band has a "cult following"

the same has been said about My Chemical Romance and The Cure

but that doesnt mean its necessarily a cult,

they just have alot of hardcore fans

...i am one of those fans

and to make things clear:

its an inspiration not an obsession.

in the meanwhile,

i'm sitting here sipping on coffee

which definately needs to be re-heated..

because its cold (DUH)

and starting to taste kinda, well ya know...BAD

yeah, bad coffee. eww

i'm thinking about going to the mall later,

i have a tiny bit of money and my favorite store is have 50% of clearance, i am SO there

...hopefully

i probably wont even be able to get anything

because im an XS in shirts and that size is always out

because little kids want to feel grown up and go to the Juniors section

which is not nice

=_=

since its the new year, i guess i'll post a few things i'd like to accomplish in 2010

-have a good birthday

-make new friends, GOOD FRIENDS

-get a job

-actually pass the year (school)

-gain some self esteem

-learn to drive

-finally look my age (LOL LIKE THAT'LL HAPPEN)

so thats some of the things i hope to do

wish me luck!

i hope all of you with resolutions get through what you want to :)

new years :)

hope everyone had a good one!

i spent my new years with my boyfriend

we watched Travis Pastrana set a world record rather than watch the ball drop

my favorite part of tonight was just seeing his pretty face <3

since its break his facial hair has grown back so im happy about that, haha

i missed his beard!!

we cuddled on the trampoline

just like last time we were at Chris's house

we seem to always have special moments on that trampoline

maybe we should get one when we're older XD

i still think its cool how he's not afraid to love on me infront of his friends

its awesome how he doesnt hide it from people :)

it makes me feel so special <3


and what do you think of the picture?
am i getting better??

ville valo <3

my favorite singer/songwriter in the whole world

i was playing with these pictures on photoshop [cs3]

and they didnt come out too bad !

they'd be better if i was better lol

im practicing >.<

i've only been using ps for a couple days

feedback is definately welcomme!!

to see what they looked like before there is a link to the original picture underneath the edit

original

original

original

THIS IS MY FAVORITE!! AHH! <3

it took me about 45 minutes but i LOVE it!!

♥ ♥ ♥

ice cream!

vanilla bean ice cream, hershey's syrup and cappucino cream wafer rolls

it was really good, so i thought i would share it with you :D

getting better? maybe??

the idea was good...

and the picture would have turned out good

IF I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING

lol

here's a new thing i was working on

here's before:

and here's after:

i really like what i did :D

i was in a wierd mood when i made this...idk lol

i like this too ^_^

click to enlarge

THIS IS MY FAVORITE!

just some things i've made through the day :)

am i getting better?

ugh...

photoshop is so confusing!!!

all i know how to really do...

is edit backgrouns T-T

wahhh

a good night with a first <3

today was bad

but tonight was amazing :)

wanna know why?

well, earlier today

something happened that put me in a bad mood

because i dont like my happiness to be tampered with..

then Nicko said he would come to the movies with me and my family

so he walked all the way home

and we talked on AIM thru webcam for a while

then got dressed

and my mom got home then we went to pick him up

we saw Sherlock Holmes

I TOTALLY RECOMMEND IT!

a couple parts i almost crapped myself lol

and Holme's character kinda reminded me of nick in a way

it was really interesting and i loved it!

then the best part:

the car ride home

i was cold, so nick hugged me

but while he was hugging me...

i fell asleep

which is a big deal for me

because i have insomnia

but i fell asleep within about 1 minute

and i had a dream me and him were singing together

but we hit a bump and i woke up

i was like "woah...i fell asleep"

he smiled at me,

i had fallen asleep in his arms <3

and that smile he gave me was the brightest i've seen

it was beautiful

i fell asleep again

a couple times

then i woke up again

i had 4 dreams and they were all amazing

then there was the kisses goodbye

...they were amazing

i didnt wanna stop

and he said i love you and good bye

but in a soft, sweet whisper

sounds perfect

because it is,

you can ask him yourself

tonight was nice :)

technology @_@

today i got to cam with my adorable boyfriend :)

i love him so much ^3^

he's so adorable *daydreams*

i was smiling so big lol i cut it out x)

he was playing drums

he got a new double bass pedal ^_^

he's amazing at drums

his puppy bella! she's cute but im scared of her lol

he's got 2 ganeboys lol

haha he showed us what we look like!! :D

idk why the screenshots cut off like that

but you get the point haha

also, today i got photoshop

and i used it for the first time...

its complicated!!

i can hardly figure it out!

this is the first picture i made with it

that right there...

took me 2 hours -_-'

i know how to use brushes and take out backgrounds

and download fonts...and thats it

im slow XD

but thats my new desktop background ^_^

these were my past 2

oh yeah,

how bout i ask you all a question!

look at this screenshot

based on my password hint,

do you think you can guess my password?

hahahaha XD

Poem - You Just Look Like You

Lying in bed after a bad dream
waking up and just wanting to scream
but first thing that comes to mind is your smile to calm me down
and thinking of just how
you just look like you

your brows are strong, just like you
because you always pull me through
any tough times you're always there

your arms are firm like our foundation
because our love is stronger than any nation
so you can pick me up when i've fallen

except when i fell in love with you
because you fell too
and i can see it in your smile
which is brighter than the sun
lighting up my day and pushing the gray clouds away
making me happy since the day i first saw it

your eyes are like heaven
when i look into them, they take me there
and there i stay
the colors unlike any other
bursting into supernova
but more beautiful than any star in space
and they keep me safe
seeing past my flaws and seeking out perfections i never knew i had

the curls in your hair are soft and gentle
like the words you speak and the way you touch me
and the way you love me

when we hug, we fit like pieces to a puzzle
and i fit perfectly and we know

from the clothes you wear
down to the bare
you just look like you
and you look like love

sorry guys,

not in the mood for long post today...

not in such a good mood...

all that happened today:

woke up

got mad

did nothing

got happy

got mad again

got happy again

got sad

wrote a poem

posted this

tomoro will be better..

i'll do a long post tomoro

goodnight.

Photography - Baklava

its one of my favorite treats,

i think started in Greece

Poem - I'm Sorry, But No Second Chances

it was great, i'll admit
all the way up till 3 weeks before we split
you and me, we were great
you were someone i could really appreciate
until the end,
whe you'd ignore me and send
my heart in a whirl-wind
and it became a trend
and happened
again
and again
and again

i'll tell you this:
i almost left

but because of all you said,
and the notes of mine you read
i thought we had hope
and i tried my best to cope
then one day,
dare i say,
you rejected me for the first time
and because it had never happened i saw it as a crime

i knew something was different
and i knew you needed to repent
but...
you didnt

then the day i started my summer season
you gave me not nearly one reason
and you were gone faster than falling rain
and i almost couldnt take the pain

and while i was walking, you drove past me without saying a word
you didnt stop to say hello or wait for me at the curb

i cried, i shedded tears that day that i hadnt shed in a long time
and when i saw my first love the same day, he wanted me to be fine
when they stopped to say hi i asked them not to go
because i had already been left that day, and to leave they said "no"
they stayed until i left, just like you said you would
but you didn't keep your promise like you know you should

you said if i needed someone to talk to, i could go to you
you said if i needed someone to cry to, i could go to you
you said if i needed someone, that someone would be you
but come that day...now where are you?

you werent there

you said you only wanted to be friends
and now without you my heart amends
you said you didnt feel the same anymore
that hit me hard all the way to the core
and it made my heart so sore

just to find out you were running from yourself
but you didn't have to run from me...
you could have run to me

and now you realize your mistake
and im sorry, but you are much too late
you called yourself an idiot,
you know its you who did it

but remember this from that song you like:
"We've had one chance to, take back, but over and over again"
you didnt take that chance
"i never wanted to hear all the things that you told me"
but i did
and it says "your eyes are yet to be clear now"
but they are clear now

and i'm sorry, but no second chances
if i had done that to you, you would say the same
you told me yourself, many times and ways

you're right,
none of this would have happened if you hadnt run
but i there was someone there for me to pick up the pieces
you should have proved yourself the way he did
you should have tried as hard as he did

but now my heart is stolen
there is no pieces to be picked up
every piece of my shattered heart has been sealed
and you still have a part,
you will always be in my heart
but
its not the same size as the piece you had before

you see?
i cant do that,
its a plain fact

and you said you don't know what love is
well if you dont, then you must have been lying
the whole time, just lying
so i guess i didn't know what love was either

but i do now

so i'm sorry, but no second chances

because when i see my love my heart dances
and each day, that love grows and enhances

you said "fake roses never die, and niether will our love"
i still have that rose you gave me, its on the top shelf of my book case
i see it from time to time
fake roses never die, and i still love you
but only friend wise

i couldnt got through that again
not the end, again

you had your chance but now my heart is taken
with an invincible love unshaken
and joyfully it prances
so i'm sorry but no second chances

coat modelling? jk I WISH!! haha

well my jacket is by XOXO brand lol tell me what ya think!

mmm..

there's a new buffet in town

it's asian and has mostly chinese food

but all the food was good ^_^

i got dumplings, spring roll, sesame chicken, stuffed biscuit, sushi and rolls...

sweet and sour chicken...

these two treats for dessert ^_^

the right was crunchy the left was soft and tasted like strawberry

afterwards~

me and tehya got fortune cookies

my fortune said

"Your heart is pure, and your mind is clear, and soul devout"

very true :) ♥

Photography - Winter's Bliss

(click to enlarge)

FAVORITE!!!!! ↑