boredome...

i apparently got bored and these are the product of it lol

[second edit w/lyrics]

(inspired by a song called behind the crimson door by HIM)

Jarritos soda is good ^_^

guava soda is the best but this was mandarin this time

yes, i was watching my HIM dvd

im pretty sure that was the "when love and death embrace" video haha

Lyrics - I'll Never Give You The Chance To Say "Goodbye"

All of these years I’ve been sitting here,
waiting
All of these years I’ve been wondering,
shaking
Then you come along right as I died
And now with your hard work you've brought me back to life
You say you want to stay forever
You said to let you, so you im letting you, I wont let you go, ever
Forever started a while ago
and we’ve still got ways to go

now I cant imagine a life without you
so let’s live ahead with our love that’s so true
you’re the only one who can pull me through
so I trust you,
I’m trusting you…

Keep me safe and don’t give me away
Keep me here in your arms today
Kiss me and take my pain away
And I’ll never give you the chance to say
“goodbye”


Don’t give up on me
Don’t give up on me
Don’t give up on me
And I wont give up on you (x3)


because I cant imagine a life without you
so let’s live ahead with our love that’s so true
you’re the only one who can pull me through
so I trust you,
I’m trusting you to...

Keep me safe and don’t give me away
Keep me here in your arms today
Kiss me and take my pain away
I'll never give you the chance to say...
Keep me alive so i wont decay
Kill all the voices that lead me astray
Make me happy to night from the break of day
And I’ll never give you the chance to say..
I wont ever give you the chance to say...
If you do these things everyday and replay
I'll never give you the chance to say
“goodbye”

my vocal cover of wicked game...

i personally think that i sound like a little kid with a stuffy nose but i like it at the same time

nick said he likes it :D

i've only let 2 people listen to it so now i'm showing it to the world


listen at your own risk >.<



please leave comments!!

arturo is awesome :)

no one has ever explained my name this way :D

i like this meaning a whole lot better than the official one ^_^

drama class!

these are the awesome people in my group for my music video project :)

Jacob is the one with the long hair, Fletcher is the other white gay and the black guy is Solomon :D

there's a girl named Yolanda is in our group but she stayed away from the camera :(

these guys are the awesome and make me not wanna skip the class XD

he loves me :)

i've been meaning to post this for some time now,

and someone on formspring has been bothering me to post this.

you could say this post is very well overdue,

but at the same time its not.

Nick sent me these messages when i was asleep on february 20th,

but every time i read them i blush :)

i read these messages over and over all the time and i locked them into my phone so they wont delete no matter what, 

and now to all who havent noticed yet how he really feels,

here you go :)

it makes me feel really special when he calls me Asberry,

or calls me by my full name

for some reason it makes me feel like he's being more serious

because he usually just calls me Kitty, my nickname

so when he says my full name

something about it really gets me feeling special :)

he's the sweetest, most amazing, beautiful, thoughtful, caring, loving, adorable, honest, faithful, perfect guy ever <3

sometimes i think its too good to be true

but then i realized the truth doesnt always hurt

♥

warm weather, its quite nice :)

its starting to feel like spring :D

actually it kinda feels like summer

i just wanna stay outside forever!
i was off school today because the school had a power outage and they couldnt turn the power back on

but it sucked because i had been at the bus stop for 20 minutes before anyone told me!!

anyways...

when nick got home from school i went over to his house

we played soccer in the street :D

i dont really know how to play soccer so he taught me a little

so i know how to correctly stop a ball now :)

and i learned that i can drop-kick a ball straight

we'd played with spray paint on a practice board

i did a tag at the top then we flipped it over and he did a throwup

then i did one

he said he really liked mine so i was really excited!

because graffiti-style art doesnt come naturally to me

but he's really really good at it

he actually looked at the board for a while and smiled because it looked so good :)

so i learned i could do a tag & throwup

and it looks so much better with paint than on paper

after nick got tired (and i did too)

it was so hot outside

we went in the garage and i looked at his drumset

then thought to myself

"i really wanna learn how to play drums.."

and i think he read my mind because he said he felt like teaching me drums

so he did :D

he taught me how to play using 4/4 times

which i learned from singing lessons but this time it was drumming

i was so confused at first and my leg didnt really wanna cooperate

then my hand kept going stupid >.<

but i started getting it right kinda easily

he said i was learning really fast & sees potential in me :D

so now i can say i know how to play drums :)

i really liked today,

i liked playing with him and him teaching me things

it made me feel special and proud of myself

and it made me excited to learn to do things i couldnt do

or never knew i could do before

thank you nick :) i love you

asberry in wonderland?

oh, never lol

i went and saw alice in wonderland today with nick and his friends

and i must say i was disappointed...

i have never seen the original alice in wonderland

but they say its a big acid trip.

the only thing i really liked about this movie 

is the crackhead rabbit as i call it lol

idk, this movie was really awkward to watch especially in the end part

the mad hatter does some creepy dance thing...

it was wierd lol idk

just dont make me watch that again XD

i'll admit that i was annoyed this day
and nick brought to my attention that i was being mean a little >.<
sorry honey i didnt mean too!
sometimes i just forget things and subtly act out
im fine now though..
fine as long as i never have to watch that movie again XD

LaSalle VS Northwest

my boyfriends school verses my school :)

i sat on his school's side

cuz i kinda dont like my school lol

it was awesome :)

his school beat my school by like 30 points haha

he'res some pictures my friend took that you can see me in lol

play I-Spy!

sidewalk chalk!

it was a bit lonely today,

my boyfriend called me right after he got home and said he wanted to play outside

i did too >.< it was really nice out!!

i called my mom and she said it was fine

but then his family decided to go somewhere so i was stuck at home :(

i sat outside alone and drew with chalk a little

obviously he was the only thing on my mind..

I HAVE VERY GOOD NEWS!!! 

i got my grades today:

93 in Math

95 in Drama

97 in Art

all A's for the first time since 4th grade!!

Photography - Written (in chalk) With You In Mind

pastel samples

a sketchbook assignment from art class

i love the first one and the last one

i thought dreams were really just dreams...

in just the past few days,

all of my nightmares came true

1. came true

2. came true

3. came true

4. came true

5. came true

6. please don't happen..

i'm scared..

i dont want to sleep now...

i dont want to give nightmares a chance to get to me

i don't know what to do

im just telling myself not to cry

all i can say is that its really hard..

Poem - I Feel, I Will and I Know

i feel hated

i feel worn

i feel torn

i miss you 

and it hurts

i am alone

i feel worthless

i feel unwanted

i feel unneeded

i miss you

and it hurts

i am alone

i feel stupid

i feel dumb

i feel numb

i miss you

and it hurts

i am alone

this is my fault

because

i will never be good enough

i will never be enough

i will never be perfect

i will never be the best

i know what i want

i know what i need

i know what i have

and i don't want it to leave

anxiety

paranoia

hallucinations

i am not alone

i only feel alone

i am dying

i miss you

and it hurts

Blaze made me feel special :)

i try my best to be a good friend to all who will accept it :)

she got a new blog...i need to re-link her >.<

follow her here!

http://bbyrumble.blogspot.com

more of alicia :)

she's just so pretty i cant help it!!

she said everyone likes my edits even her aunt :)

that made me feel special

the last one is my favorite :)

[click them to enlarge]

Photography - Good Morning, Moon

Taken with my cell phone @ 6:42 am

Sick today -_-

my stomachs been hurting for a few days

but today it was the worst :/

and everyone i know is hanging out without me for the second day in a row..

and it makes me feel really left out..

doing better in school :)

i got a 94% on my math test
and i have an A in the class
^_^

me and my phone got bored :P

the curly hair pictures are from saturday

straight hair pictures are from sunday

my pretty friend Alicia :)

i love her dearly.

she is one of those friends that i can always talk to about anything even if we dont talk for a little while we just pick up where we left off

even though we dont live close to eachother and dont talk as much as we used to

i still consider her one of my best friends

these are my latest edits of her :)

she's on a trip to arizona right now

^^she's on a carousel :D hehe

one more time..

not having such an easy time right now...once more,
another horrible day.
because my teacher is not cooperating and listening to me
i am no longer allowed to talk to my 2 friends in class anymore
and i only had 2 anyway..
today i was so mad i cried
so much went on
then part of one of my nightmares happened...
i am really scared now..

good night all..

Better than yesterday

school was bad again,
the last teacher ruined my day once more
she says she is kicking me out of her class
just because my assignment will be one day late
its not fair!!
i have a legitimate reason
but i think that teacher is a
[lady - puppy]

when i got home from school things were better
nick called me while i was on the bus and him and Zac came to get me
then Zac's new girlfriend and her friend
then we went to Soccer City
i sat with the girls while the boys fooled around
it was awkward with the girls...
they knew eachother but i didnt know them
and i had nothing to talk about (._. )'
aye ya... eventually they started talking to me
and they asked me things about me and nick
like how long we have been together
and how we met
they were like "aww thats so cute"
i agreed :) lol
Zach had a game so we watched that too
nick was down sitting by the girls but came up to sit by me later
while we were sitting up there and just messing around
his attacked me and licked my face
so i was covered in drool XD XD XD
it was hilarious!!
and no one else saw it
they missed out!! :P
after the game we went to Pablo's house
we watched Gabriel Iglesias
who is hilarous XD XD
(i'll add a video to this post later if i can)
Nick and Pablo played SKATE
(which is like horse but instead of basketball its skateboarding)
Nick won...of course :P
but it was freezing
the girls sat in Zac's car but i was outside watching
i dont think they were really paying attention
i also dont think they really like me :/
i have seen Nick drive for the first time tonight
everyone was scared but me lol
it was night time and nick couldnt see
he also was wearing no glasses
but i trust him
he drives well, he just couldnt see
he said he'll bring his glasses next time :)
i sang my grandma happy birthday when he dropped me off
stayed in my room after that haha
today was half bad and half okay :)
better than yesterday

Happy Birthday to:
Amanda & Grandma
♥ ^_^ ♥

its a good song, check it out

[http://likesaintvalentine.com]

picture edit by me

♥

Today was just not good...

it all started during the night
6 B A D D R E A M S
all in a row
i wont talk about them
because i dont want them to happen
i woke up feeling like they really did
and had to refresh my memory
they seemed so real...
my mom yelled at me when i got up
talking some kind of non-sense
then my sister was angry because i got to the bathroom before she did
i almost missed the bus when i left
because i couldnt find my house key
somebody in the house moved it
(its still not found)
when i got to school i wasnt in much of a good mood,
but i was trying to keep myself up
i went to art class hoping that would cheer me up
but i messed up on my project..
i was behind on binding my book because i made the fold the wrong way...
and my black and white logo drawing was off...
i made the head too wide but everything else looked really good
...but just that one detail made me hate it
in math class we did nothing,
we went to a black heritage assembly put on by some students
they were all really good,
there was singing, a little dancing,
stepping and instuments
but the people around me were talking and i couldnt much hear it
in 3rd block is my online class
i forgot my headphones so no music...
then i failed my quiz...
more than once
i cant go on to the next lesson without passing iti got really frustrated at lunch i got kicked off my lunch table...
now i sit either alone or with whoever else decides to sit by me
which TOTALLY made my day...not really
in fourth block my teacher called me a bad influence
the girl on the computer next to me was playing games instead of writing her poem
and she blamed it on me!!
i was already done with my work!
i was not happy at all...
when my mom came home later in the evening that didnt help at all either
just a bad day today...

i have changed...

something that alot of people say about me is that

i have never changed

there are people who met me a long time ago

who said im the same as i used to be when they met me

i know im not much different but i have changed

but only in the past few months

i didnt notice until Nicko told me yesterday.

when Nick met me, i was sad,

yes, i had just gotten dumped by a boyfriend

but even so i wasnt really a "happy" person

i looked more on the negative side of things

because that was all i could see

but Nick changed that

he tried his hardest to make me happy

even just the first time we ever hung out together

and from that day forward

now i have a more positive outlook on life

because i can see positive things

i always thought i would end up alone,

i thought marriage was a joke and never wanted children

now i want to get married and have children

i didnt care about school or grades and just wanted to drop out

now i have all A's and i get excited about getting good grades

and anxious to go to college

i used to give up on things easily and sulk about it

now i am determined and fight to keep myself from it

i used to be so shy that i would barely talk to anyone new

now Nick introduces me to his friends and takes me to dances and parties

and i actually talk to people and laugh loud

i used to not feel comfortable around people

but now i dont mind anyone

i thought all hope was gone

but now all i do is hope

everyone says you shouldnt let people change you

and to only stay true to yourself.

but if i hadnt let him change me where would i be now?

i could be in a mental hospital,

i could be trapped in my mind,

i could be lost..

i could even be dead

when people say to not let anyone change you

i think they forget that there is good changes too

i am still me, but i have changed

what changed?

 the difference about me,

is that i am

happy.

i became happy by letting my life fall into the hands of someone who loves me,

and now look at me:

i am happy

i am positive

i am hopeful

i am less shy

i am determined

i am STILL HERE.

thank you so much Nicko

you are the best friend and boyfriend anyone could ever ask for

you mean the world to me and i love you with all of my heart

thank you for making me the happy person i am now,

i owe you so much...♥

webcam fun :P

good sunday

So, to my surprise, Nicko asks me if he can come to church with me

i said yes of course,

a little later he changed his mind...

then this morning he said he wanted to go again

so we picked him up and he came with us

he wrote on my hand :) <3

first there was sunday school, same old same old. nothing great

then there was the service, which i was excited about

then i could show off my skills on the sound board ^_^

of course the first thing i do is mess up...

the choir was up to high and there was lots of feedback and the mics were wrong..

jeez...

but it got better :)

we started pixelling during the sermon out of boredom since i wasnt doing anything

afterwards we went to lunch for my uncles birthday at TGI Friday's

i got a quesadilla & he got cheese sticks ^_^

good stuff right there!!

we went to my grandma's and hung out for a while before we went back to church for play practice

then i got to show off again

but this time with my light ^_^

we went up to the youth room for food and a game and then we got to chill for a while

i broke down though...

a friend [i guess] of mine were making up i guess

then i remembered why i wasnt talking to her in the first place...

i didnt know what to do so i ended up crying

which i really reeeally didnt want to do

Nicko sat next to me and started talking to me 

reassuring me that everything was fine and trying to get me to be happy again

he got a smile out of me :)

sometimes i feel like i'm so naive..

i felt helpless and confused

and i felt like a baby..

and even at my worst moments he is still there for me

i love him so much

i couldnt ask for a better best friend or boyfriend

and he is both of those to me

Nicko said his favorite part was watching me

because im usually watching him do things but he doesnt watch me much

i thought i would bore him but i guess not :)

and everyone seems to like him

and us as a couple :)

that makes me happy ♥