Photography - Hunter :)

this is my adorable cousin and God-Daughter, Hunter :)

tonight was the last time i saw her and her parents, my cousins Nickie and Justin

before they leave to move to Turkey for 2 years

hopefully i will see them at Christmas time :)

peaking through the window of my very old barbie dreamhouse XD

grrr >.<; wierd mood today!

[pic from yesterday]

i am frustrated today ~

nick's mom wouldnt let him come to church with me so i was sad :(

and he was upset as well and i could tell...

but he said 

"i want to take my anger out on you 

and i usually would but i wont"

which made me feel a little better...

sometimes he would take out his anger on me even if it wasnt my fault

but everyone does that to someone at some point in thier life ~

i do that to my sister sometimes, and to myself alot :/

but it really meant alot to me that he said that

because it shows that he cares alot about me :)

things like that always mean something special to me...

like there was a point in time where he didnt like me as much as he used to..

but he said he wanted to fix it and he did <3

and i still get[c h o k e d  u p]when i think about it

because its so special to me that he would do that

because most people will give up on a relationship when they stop liking the person they're with

but he didn't :) unlike everyone else, which is one of the many things that make him so special to me

IN OTHER NEWS:

my favorite bra got messed up in the dryer

i'm on the phone with Nicko

I'm eating non-stop @_@

i lost all my bobby pins

and im watching the movie Sex Drive 

XD wierd movie...

1971 Chevrolet truck ~

my edit is underneath~

i want my truck to look like this >.<

i may re-do this...i dont know >.<

2006 VW Beetle; Hello Kitty style!!

for all of you Sanrio fans ~

i wanna do a CoCo Cat car!!

like the headlight covers?

i saw a green vw beetle with flower covers ~

i wanted to do hearts!

so about today ~

today i helped out at my schools art show :)

guess who got to come with me...!

Nicko! <33

im glad i got to see him :)

we sat at the face-painting table, cuz thats what we were gonna help wth

but no one came up to us :(

so he painted my nickname on arm ^_^

i drew one of the swirls with my left hand but he did everything else :)

which was amazing ^_^ and my two favorite colors!!

we saw the orchestra play a couple of songs

and one where they do some percusson with thier hands...

i didnt really get it but it was cool i guess haha

after Nick left i was there a little longer until almost everyone left,
but my mom hadan appointment and my friend Becca didn't havee a rde home
and we both live far but in opposite directions @_@
so  went to her house and we had my friend Domingo drive us ^_^
the car was pact with the three other people though @_@
and the radio was kinda busted ....-_-'
but it was cool ^_^
this was my frst time ever meeting her in person but we talked over Facebook and on the phone through text so we knew eachother but had never met, so it was our first time seeing eachother
and we were shocked!!!
wanna know why??
because i am 4 foot 10 and she is like 90 foot 7!!!
just kidding...she's like 6 feet tall though and she's taller than my Nicko!
so it was like a baby looking at a giant when we met XD
i was at her house for a while and met her friends that live by her
we hung out with her friend Trisha the most


and we went to a park which was covered in mud while we were waiting for my mom >.<
we got ice cream from UDF and heated it in a microwave [????]
idk it was Becca's idea lol

here's the flower closer up ^_^

like it? it died now though:(it withered away :(

she stole it out of Trisha's yard XD she was like "wtf?!" XD

i was in a rush to go home so i call him >.<

well for him to call me lol >.<

i was supposed to leave at 6...mami was late by an hour!! @_@

i hate lateness...omg...like seriously hate it >.<

it freaks me out!

now i'm on the phone with  him

and he keep using the "cute little nicko" voice

and its making me want to like...

hide him in a broom closet and corrupt him XD
how naughty of me 0_0... >_>'

anywayz....

we're gonna go webcam now ^_^ hehee

Songs Left Unexplained #7: Sigillum Diaboli

a great finish to CD Razorblade Romance by my favorite Finnish 5,

Burton, Gas, Mige, Linde and Ville...better known as HIM

this song Sigillum Diaboli is one of me and Nick's favorites, its a hard song

and it sounds amazing, the way Ville sings it is just so...ahhh *daydreams*

........anyway

i never thought about the lyrics until now, and i was reading them again

it kind of helped me understand what Nick has been trying to tell me

but of course i am delusional...

so here is another song meaning from me, and revelations i had :)

Nick, i love you <3

I can see your sad face and your pitiful lies
Don't have the strength to carry your heavy load of life
I'm your Christ and I want you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do

oh

I can see through your eyes, spill your tears for me
I'll lift the burden from your shoulders, you just have to believe
I'm your Christ and I want you
This world's not for hearts and you know it as well as I do

Oh as well as I do
Oh as well as I do
Just as well as I do
Oh as well as I do
Oh as well as I do

Oh, so
I'm your Christ to die on you
I just woke up hears and you know it as well as I do
I'm your Christ to die on you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do

Oh, so you've come from above
and you say you want it all
and I kill myself for your love
I'm killing myself for you, 'cause yes you want love

I can see your sad face, your pitiful lies
Don't have the strength to carry your heavy load of life
I'm your Christ and I want you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do
I'm your Christ to die on you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do

Oh, yes you do
Oh, yes you do, my Darling
Oh, yes you do..oh
Oh, yes you do, oh my Love
so....

now for this..

I can see your sad face and your pitiful lies
Don't have the strength to carry your heavy load of life
this reminds me of what nick tells me all the time. that im lying to myself and that im better than alot of people and dont notice, and he's right i do have talent but i as he says "sell myself short" because i dont see it as well myself. then with bad stuff happening me and little things getting to me, its hard for me to carry on with life
I'm your Christ and I want you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do
he has saved me from alot and helped me through so much and then when things get to the best, something tries to break us apart and we both see it. but i wont let anything tear us apart

I can see through your eyes, spill your tears for me
I'll lift the burden from your shoulders, you just have to believe
back to what i said before...he wants me to see myself the way he sees me. and no matter how much i cry he's still going to tell me the same thing, that im the beautiful and amazing but that i think it. and then when i do, i wont take all the little things so hard and i'll be happier
I'm your Christ and I want you
This world's not for hearts and you know it as well as I do

Oh as well as I do
Oh as well as I do
Just as well as I do
Oh as well as I do
Oh as well as I do

Oh, so
I'm your Christ to die on you
I just woke up hers and you know it as well as I do
I'm your Christ to die on you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do

Oh, so you've come from above
and you say you want it all
and I kill myself for your love
I'm killing myself for you, 'cause yes you want love
he's my angel...i'll do anything for him


I can see your sad face, your pitiful lies
Don't have the strength to carry your heavy load of life
I'm your Christ and I want you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do
I'm your Christ to die on you
This worlds not for hearts and you know it as well as I do

Oh, yes you do
Oh, yes you do, my Darling
Oh, yes you do..oh
Oh, yes you do, oh my Love
so....

Songs Left Unexplained #6: Disarm Me (With Your Loneliness)

by the end of all of these unexplained songs, i will probably have reviewed every HIM cd.

this song is off of thier latest album Screamworks: Love in Theory and Practice

this meaning is from a very recent situation and i saw this song as a foreshadowing..

The promise of heaven pushed us right back to hell
turn three sevens into three sixes again
and you laugh at my face when i told you how much it hurts and said
Disarm me with your loneliness just like always before and
deceive me at my emptiness telling me how you love
you keep on tempting me to go on whatever the cost
to witness the prettiest flower in the wicked to dust
so ill break all the rules and this endless game once called love for you
disarm me with your loneliness just like always before and
deceive me at my emptiness
telling me how you love
me with all your heart no more
disarm me with your loneliness just like always before
disarm me with your loneliness just like always before
deceive me at my emptiness telling me how you love me with all your heart your heart no more
tell me how much it hurts my love
tell me how my kiss can change your world
no more
tell me how much it hurts to be alone
now believe that you hurt me with all your heart
no more

here's my thoughts..

The promise of heaven pushed us right back to hell
turn three sevens into three sixes again
two perfect lovers are being torn apart.parents being "the promise of heaven" to me because they created him and he is my heaven. they have taken him away from me and now pushed me back into a state where i am alone...without my love i feel incomplete, but not completely because i know that he will always love me and is there waiting for me.but they dont realize how much they are hurting us..and me..
and you laugh at my face when i told you how much it hurts and said
the possible reaction if i ever told them how i feel about this..im not sure they would care
Disarm me with your loneliness just like always before and
deceive me at my emptiness telling me how you love
they have continuously grounded him throughout the year and it hurts me. they are nice to me in person but i have heard them discourage him and when you do that, how are you showing love that way? now they've made me alone again...i want to tell them how much i love him
you keep on tempting me to go on whatever the cost
to witness the prettiest flower in the wicked to dust
one time when he got grounded the first time this year in october, he told me to go on without him just because we couldnt see eachother or talk...but i refused
so ill break all the rules and this endless game once called love
for you
just like i always have and will if i have to...i dont care if i have to sneak out and go to Olympian club behind his house at 5 am to see him before school or at 11 at night just to kiss him through the back yard gate, i will.
disarm me with your loneliness just like always before and
deceive me at my emptiness
telling me how you love
me with all your heart no more
that 2 lines is what im afraid to hear...i dont want him to stop loving me. and this song has always been iffy to me because i felt like it was warning me something and now i know...and im scared
disarm me with your loneliness just like always before
disarm me with your loneliness just like always before
deceive me at my emptiness telling me how you love me with all your heart your heart no more
tell me how much it hurts my love
tell me how my kiss can change your world
no more
tell me how much it hurts to be alone
as soon as i see him, i just want to know that he is hurting and missing me as much as i miss him and make sure he still loves me...he said he will love me until the end and promise he will never let me go.
now believe that you hurt me with all your heart
no more
when i see him i wont hurt anymore..

horrible news..

i found out i cant see nick all summer..

i m  c o m p l e t e l y

C   R   U   S   H   E   D

you have no idea.

our one year anniversary is only next motnth

and we cant even talk :'( i just cant stop crying...

i have to cry with no one to comfort me, because he is my shoulder to cry on

i'm going to be so dead at school tomorow

i hope we have a boring day because i know i wont be able to concentrate

his parents are too hard on him..

they make him play soccer and he's blown out his knees, ankles & back

and then they ground him for the WHOLE summer

as if cracking bones in his legs arent bad enough already

and i've heard them put him down before just sitting in the car

and it makes me so sad...

he's helped me through everything

and been there for me and saved me

i wish they could see all that good stuff that i do 

maybe they wouldnt be so hard on him all the time..

i love him more than anything and i hope they change thier mind :(

i miss him so much already

this post is here because nick told me to post it lol

i guess he wants you guys to see his muscles? haha i dont know lol

Poem - Living With Grandma

dictating the small bird and all of its mockings
walking through the woods in her brown striped stockings
picking up wild onions to bring to the clubhouse
to pretend that its bedding and that she is a mouse
eating dry cereal from a Blue Willow bowl
and making her shoes talk through a rip in the sole
riding her bike without leaving the driveway
running through the sprinkler thinking of running away
combing tangles out of that hair, so long; it took so long
crying when the brush rips out chunks, and felt wrong
swinging high on the swings at school
and climbing trees, because she thought it was cool
imaginary dreams and imaginary things
not being allowed to pick up the phone when it rings
watermelon and cantaloup on hot summer days
then walks in the rain with a big pink umbrella befor the foggy haze
playing with rollie-polies and planting beans in the garden
getting caterpillars and watching thier cacoons harden
picking peaches from the backyard tree, but never ate them
the across-the-street neighbors were mean, but she couldnt hate them
not a single friend in the whole neighborhood
just a sister and a navy sweater with a hood
but still, back then, all was good

lets be [*******] immature,

i am in a bad mood.

today, i am tired of people walking all over me

and being just flat out rude to me

yes, i am passive and submissive

but i'm not letting anyone walk all over me anymore

im tired of always being there for people

then they just treat me bad and insult me

or act immature and get mad when they're called out

fine, be an ***hole, i just wont talk to you anymore

3 years of freindship and this is all i get from it

i wish i would have never payed attention to you when you picked up my pencil

because then i would have never known who you were.

meanwhile, i am playing mahjongg here:

http://freeonlinemahjonggames.net/mahjong-slide.html

trying to get my mood up.

and i really want this stuff >.<
http://www.hatland.com/store.cfm/hats,4,14382.html
http://www.thefind.com/buy-4vono263Z?result_view_id=45363f795703adf6baaa96edff512a91%3A0003&result_impression_id=45363f795703adf6baaa96edff512a91%3A0033&srcquery=puerto+rico+hat
http://www.thefind.com/buy-4AG9JX1xJ?result_view_id=57383705a9d73035b1cfe2631140f98e%3A0001&result_impression_id=57383705a9d73035b1cfe2631140f98e%3A0022&srcquery=puerto+rico+hat
http://www.thefind.com/buy-aV16OTOhM?result_view_id=57383705a9d73035b1cfe2631140f98e%3A0001&result_impression_id=57383705a9d73035b1cfe2631140f98e%3A0027&srcquery=puerto+rico+hat


and i should add this to that car:
http://www.thefind.com/buy-4AGcoYHwt?result_view_id=117ae6bff606b549369405b990105e1d%3A0001&result_impression_id=117ae6bff606b549369405b990105e1d%3A0013&srcquery=puerto+rico+hat
teehee ^_^

sweet ride, right?

final edit: (added late)

this top one has been lowered :)

this is the car i want.

its a 1970 Skylark <3

and thats what i want it to look like :)

Puerto Rico style!!

i edited that picture of the car, it was Nicko's idea

and this pic below is the original vvvv

am i good at this? this is the first [custom] car edit i done ever!

nick guided me through a little but still cool tho, right? :)

plz tell me what you think!!

i want this car so bad now >.<

get in here and put in sum subs,

turn up some raggaeton!

se van, se van!!

good news ~ !!!

remember when i told you all about those graduation tests?

today a teacher showed me my results ~

i passed all of them advanced!! :D

so happy that i passed them all!

bridge to terabithia :(

saddest movie ever :(

and i cried :( yes, i am crying

me and nick watched it today and its just so sad..

leslie was perfect and we miss her

she would have been our best friend :(

she was so bright, and nice and creative

and no one gave her a chance

except that boy...

and then one day  he got a call from his teacher to go to a museum because her nephews had to cancel

when he got into the car he looked over at her house

the teacher asked "are you forgetting something" and he said no

then while he was gone she tried to cross the river & hit her head :(

now that perfect girl is gone...

he should have never left her there..

they made that imaginary world together, they should go there together..

without him there to keep her safe, he was gone and then she was gone..

if i knew her in real life, she would have been my best friend

she was just like me, but she was more positive...

which made her perfect

only the good die young, they say

and i dont care if she is a fictional character

i miss her and she is special to me

this movie hit me really hard, all of the emotions in it..

its emotions i have felt before that i would never want anyone to feel

and the people just felt so familiar and real

like i went to school with them and knew them

and them together...

for him, that was his person to show him who he was

to break him out of his shell

and take him on an adventure

that was the best friend he would ever had

and he should have never let her out of his sight

if he had said what he forgot, it would have never happened

~ it just made me feel so horrible

i couldnt warn the boy or tell him to go get her :(

he felt like it was his fault that she died, and now it feels like its mine

cuz i couldnt warn him :( :( 

what she was to him is like what nick is to me

if i ever lost him, i dont know what i would do

he's my best friend, i couldnt go on without him

we do so much together

...i never wanna go anywhere without him now

i dont want anything to happen to him

he means too much to me

i wont make the mistake that boy did...

i will keep him by my side

i   p  r  o  m  i  s  e

an okay day and a give-away!

today was just a normal sunday, quite boring actually

kinda ran into my boyfriend today though :)

we ended up at the same chinese buffet after church haha

he stuffed an cream-puff in my mouth @_@

then his dad told me to stop "fingering the food" XD

we met at the dessert area to say hi lol

then he said he saw a swimsuit at Old Navy that would look good on me

so i went up there and got it ^_^ now he's playing soccer

and i am here at home, catching up on blogs...

this caught my eye:

i love all of these kawaii stuffs! & would love to win :)

i also want to win the photo contest...

im a greedy person >.<

just kidding, i am not, but i do like winning :D

rabbito is one of my favorite people ever :D

she's my first malaysian friend i ever had so she is special to me ^_^/ ♥

this is what happens when i comb my hair dry...

it explodes into puffball madness >.<

DO NOT WANT!!!!!!

lol xD

photo contest!

i entered this in my friend rabbito's peace sign picture contest!!

hope i win ^_^

go to this link to see her post:

http://rabbitochikachieco.blogspot.com/2010/05/contestants-of-peace-photo-contest.html

honey suckles, dandelions and summer is coming ♥

i snapped these outside today :)

wearing a black sun dress that i've had for a while but didnt ever wear until today

what do you think?

better mood,

i got to hang out with Nicko yesterday so i'm happy :)

but i'm so tired x_x

ahh want to go back to sleep @_@

it was a good day thought :)

G  O  O  D   N  E  W  S  :

i get my OGT scores on Monday!! Hope i pass them all >.<

how bout no more of that sh*t?

cuz i been waitinn patiently for it to be flushed

Poem - A Parasite That Never Leaves

so maybe it hurts, but its not a matter to care
...it is, but its hard to explain
and its not something to be messed with
because of all the pain
and i may only be thinking this way because of the rain

but sometimes i wish i had said what i felt
at that very moment in time, but i couldnt
because of the way i felt you would feel...

it wasnt good

maybe if i had expressed these thoughts i thought
maybe in my brain, she wouldnt still be caught
my brain has a web, and i wanted you to take care of it,
not let anything unhealthy for me to be in there

but when a spider catches prey in its web, it eats it
and all of those negative thoughts were devoured
all of that, to cause my feelings to turn soured

and then i got this deadly disease
of a parasite that never leaves

edits,

recent edits for people i've done:

what would my boyfriend look like with black hair? well now we know ↓

then i got carried away with that last one lol

then this banner for Amanda

i cant wait to see what it looks like as her header :)

i wanna picture like that >.<

is it wierd that i am jealous of my own work?! :o