uh...umm..

i cannot express my true feelings on here... unless in the form of a song or poem, but that is not raw. it leaves out parts and keeps you pressed away by symbolism that only people close to me would possible understand.

you see, all of my feelings are strong.

whether it is happiness or sadness, particularly rage, they are all in depth, immense, and currently...suppressed. they are condensed about to the point of eruption.

after a while, i don't think i'll be able to take it. but...i do not want to explode.. in the past year and a half, i haven't.. but i almost did about a month ago. because i hold in all of my feelings, i'm even more sensitive than i used to me, which is bad..

my heart has been through alot.. and i have a strong heart, and every punch thrown, i can take it...but they still hurt. and my bruises never show, so nobody knows but me.

sometimes i scare myself with the way i feel...i have to try really hard to keep myself under control, i hate to say things i don't mean.. or things that i don't know if i mean..

this blog is fun to me...it's me, but its not as much my feelings anymore..

which is the reason i created this blog in the first place, for my writing...my writing is my feelings

but i stopped posting all of my poems.. i didn't want any reactions that i didn't want.. and no one ever reads those anyway.

i'm still going to have this as my main blog, but i think i will make a separate blog so i can write out my feelings...it will be a private, invite only blog. not public. maybe..

i don't know.

bottom line is, i've got a hell of alot on my mind.