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Friday, April 15


wind blowing against the trees. the sound of fragile branches cracking. the trees vigorously swaying as if they were desperate to stay attatched to the ground. as if they were going to fly away with the birds struggling to get back to one of those very trees.

i sat on the ground, under the big tree in the back yard. the shadow of the neighbor's dog phantomed between the crevices of the wooden gate, like a ghost; a sad one. howling, wishing to be saved from the incoming storm. i asked him, "why do they leave you outside when it's like this?" he whined to me, and i asked if he was afraid; no answer. he shuffled away and lay his head down on the concrete of the back porch, right beneath the porch light.

i sighed. i wish they would let him in, it's not safe out here.

wild onions almost sideways in the ground. grass curling around the roots penetrating the night air from the dry soil. dry, although it had rained the whole day. the ground is apathetic, unlike the sky. she cries tonight.

only two lights appear, the neighbor's porch and a creature's reflective green eyes at the corner of the yard. supposing it's a cat, i go near it and it turns away. maybe it's afraid, or maybe it's unaware that i'm safe. the leftover leaves from autumn cracked beneath my bare feet. damp with rainwater rested in the grass. no moon and no stars tonight, only wind and sky tears, yet the lunar lunar vibe still surounded me, as if it could feel me there, just to remind me that it still exists.

i sighed. i wish i could see the stars, to remind me of those pleasant memories.

i lay down in the grass next to the gate, the dog comes over to lay on the other side. the odd closeness i have with this creature although we have never met face to face. the way he reacts when i speak to him, almost like i could call him a friend. i got a brave bone and sat upward to look through the crack, and he sat up too. i stuck my finger through the hole, with the fear that i would be bit, but i did. i touched his chin and he didn't make a sound, a moment later he pulled back and circled his nose beneath my finger and bumped it as if he wanted me to pet it. i stroked the bridge of his nose with my finger and he licked me, then i pulled back. the dog layed back down and whined, i layed back down too. we layed there for about 20 minutes, just waiting for ourselves to get tired, so i could go back into the house. when he heard me get up i saw his head perk up in a shadow. "goodbye, until nextime." he whined at me, then i started to walk away more. before i went into the door, i saw him lay back onto the concrete of the porch.

i sighed. i wish they would let him in, it's not safe out here.

La La La, ♥

well today got alot better :D at lunch me and Labby brought our spare change so we could get something to eat and we came up with 1.35$, which isnt enough for very much. we ended up spending 1$ on ice cream! all the ice cream is 50 cents and we never looked until now. "so you mean all this time we could have eaten ice cream like EVERY DAY?! ugh!" i know Kaitlin, i feel the same xD we were mad about that because last year it costed more lol  
also, my teacher asked me to design a t-shirt for our anti-bullying campain in the mentor program that i am in.  my friend Amber helped me come up with the idea and then i made it in photoshop cs3 . here it is :)
this is the original, but our school colors are blue and gold so i converted it to our school colors and sent her the images in an email

she was so excited about it and i got 20 points extra credit :)
i cant wait to see the shirts, its gonna be so cool seeing MY design on a t-shirt, even if it is for school.
i'm proud of myself :) the whole class congratulated me :)
meador said she especially loved the sword being yellow :)
i am super happy right now ahh!!

well i will blog later if anything else happens :) ttyl loves <333

bad day already ( > . < )

i'm in first bell atm and im very bored. today is the senior out of uniform day and it turned out my clock in my room was slow and i had to sprint to the bus.  when i got to school i figured out my wristband had fallen out of my pocket and they made me buy another instead of just gave me one so that used up my lunch money  i had a yummy english muffin with  sausage egg and cheese   for breakfast but it made my stomach hurt, i went outside to the career center to drop off a note and a bird pooped on my shoe  ugh. and nick wasnt talking much this morning either  blehh...i hate mornings like this
casi siempre mierda como esto sucede -_- ughhh
on the book i'm making for nick i have completed 50 super loving and adorable pages i have enough pictures for about 3 more 2 page spreads, enough poems for about 10-15 more pages, some drawings and some more fun stuff its a  super cute project and i would show you, but he reads my blog, he's seen some of it but not all of it, and i at least want some of it to be a surprise  
now we are starting our senior memory book in senior english,
i was like "grr this is conflicting with my nicko memory book!" xD
but it will be an easy grade, cuz when you present it at the end of the year it counts as your exam grade. i'm not very good at presenting because my class is about 40% disrespectful to the people talking and make side comments that always annoy me and piss me off -_- but i'll still do good :]
la la la la~ i'm listening to The Used :) i love this band, Bert writes some seriously good lyrics, and his voice is really strong in emotion...he puts so much feeling when he sings and the vibe of the song completely changes. like the way he sings Best of Me is so different than the way he sand I Caught Fire, it's really cool how he can do that. when singers convey feeling in the way with thier voice i always think of thier talent so much higher than people who solely just sing well. because not all singers can do that.
i think they are definately one of my favorite bands again :) in 8th grade i was obsessed with them for about 2 weeks because one of my friends always listened to them, the first song i heard was Pretty Handsom Awkward which will always remain as one of my favorite songs :) i love it.

wwell i'll blog later, ttyl :) <3

Thursday, April 14

i wish i was still pretty >.< blehh

konnichiwa. i'm super bored >.< don't really know what to blog about really
i did finish 3 more pages in my book though :) happy about that
i also got a cinnamon roll this morning, it was good,
but i think it was too much sugar...
i'm all shaky & sick!
my tummy feels all icky :( and i was already bloated~
my freaking tired, and just want to go back to sleep.

it seems that i have gotten uglier :[
each year, i get worse and worse looking
and now i feel fat...
for any of you, you would think this is super tiny, i weigh 102 lbs right now
but for me, that is abnormal, because i usually weigh about 86
i'd been trying to accumulate some weight over the past year
and fight to keep it on, because it is hard for me to gain any weight
i'm fine with my legs...but i want to tone my arms and have a flatter stomach...its a little bit round now and makes my chest look small too :( and my face is rounder...i hate it :(
this is me over the years, the only thing that really has changed is my hair color...i get almost the same haircut every year but i cchange my hair color sometimes, and now i'm back to my natural
and after all this time back to black, i'm thinking of going back to brown again just like in the pics from 2 years ago...
i'm also more girly now than i was now, and back then i looked a little emo-ish / punk-ish
i wish i still looked like that...i dont know which way i looked best,
i really liked my hair this summer though,
even better when i had coontails in the sides, then my hair fell out because my put something in it :(
and back 2 years ago, this was fall 2008
my favorite hair i think, i really liked it brown...
this is my hair now,
its black with blond underneath 
(it was green but it had to fade for school)
not sure what i should do with my hair...i kinda wanna go brown :/
but i like it black as well...
i need to re-do the blonde and maybe put a layer of brown on top of it? i dont know :[
and its almost summer and i want a crazy color,
green again or purple? ugh i dont know! i just don't want to be ugly :(
or fat...so now i really wanna work out again to get my belly off
because it really does feel different to have that much weight on me that i'm not used to,
it feels like i'm going so much slower and my butt jiggles when i run up the stairs and its wierd D:
i still dance, but i think its actually making my but BIGGER!
it was supposed to help get my body looking a little better not a fat butt xD
ugh idk :(
i just wanna be back to normal...
blah...i'm gonna drink alot of water today and take advantage of all of the fiber product in my house. we have flax seed, mini wheats, granola, nutty nuggets and others...and gonna eat more soup, i guess i'll leave in the water when i eat my ramen now instead of draining it, just drink it instead
this really is starting to freak me out :|

Wednesday, April 13

you know,

my life may be on the computer, but at least i have friends on here that wont betray me. my life could be all out in the world and doing horrible things to people and doing horrible things to myself. my real life isnt that good, and this is my way of escaping it. some people use drugs, but i use a hard drive and its alot better.
i may not always act mature, but no one is always mature, even old people have a child inside of them. and some adults are more immature than i am. and the way i think sometimes and you can see it most when i think about love, i am not immature at all. i'm always serious and i don't play around.
i'm stronger than you think, because i've been through things that people kill themselves over and even though i did try to do that and failed time after time, i'm still alive and i still try to be happy. i don't harm myself and i try to make other people happy too. i have an extra add-on to my life that i dont even talk about and i can deal with it and accept that i have it, when other people would rather die than admit they have a problem.
i may not like to be around people i don't like, but i'm nice to them even if they're there. i still try to help them if they ask or need it.
just because im not like everyone esle doesnt mean that i'm wierd or crazy. being different can be a good things and if people knew the real me jmaybe they'd atually like me.

lots of stuff on my mind...going to lunch...


not really in a blogging mood today, or at least not at the moment
i'm hungry and forgot my wallet :( ughhh
and just alot of things on my mind right now >.<
but like my hair? pigtails today ^_^
and looking for a new music player because something is wrong with singingbox :(
which makes me sad because i love that player :(
well, i'll btyl :)

Tuesday, April 12

collectoons :)

if you join, please use my referral link! :)


i dont say how i feel for a REASON! i dont' not share my feelings just cuz i dont want to, its because I CANT.  now i remember why i made a private blog. i cant say whatever i want without someone being upset. remember the promise?
or do you still care about it? i thought you did, you said you wouldnt forget?
i'm not trying to play games...people do change, you changed, i changed, you said i'm not even the same person that you met almost two years ago. and i'm not being childish, i cant believe you're calling me that. you know me and you know everything that's going on, knowing me and loving me like you do, i cant believe you would judge me :'(
and nick, "Puppy" is a girl, it's Kaitlin, so idk why you have a bad feeling.. she's been my friend the whole year. she's not even a close friend just a good friend, i just wanted to have a friend :(
i'm in a bad mood bye...

morning sunshines :)

good morning from your favorite Berry, Aeri :)
i got the heart shaped clips in my hair :) pink & yellow on one side, 1 pink on the other
pink blush, white shadow, pink gloss and black winged eyeliner
i got this comment from Wynter B this morning ~
you're very welcome i cant wait to see what you do with the tag :D
and i'm glad you like my hair :) and i know what you mean xD
thanks for the sweet comment
i am a little bit sick today despite my bright face this morning
i woke up at 3AM with a super evil stomach cramp and couldnt get back to sleep  because it hurt so bad  i got up and took out the trash, did makeup and pinned up my hairs in the back  then left for the bus. i didn't even want to stand  i was so tired and sore mehhh
i'm listening to a bunch of music now, just being bored
doing my page for yearbook~ need pictures~~
blehh but dont want to take them
i hate invading the classes to take pictures of them >.<
i wanted to see nick again today
but i see that i am not wanted at his house  . .
his mom complained at him last night saying "kitty is here like every day"
which made me feel like shit . . . honestly she seems to enjoy having me there when she talks to me at dinner and stuff but i guess not . . . i feel dumb for that  ugh. .
i really hope we don't go back to only seeing eachother 1x a week again. .
i hated that... we are so much happier together when we get to see eachother alot, when we're apart for a long time we get paranoid and mad at eachother all the time and i dont want that :
i love my nicko baby
i hope he passes his math test, he's got a big one today :)
 good luck babyboy
that's all i got for now my friends,
will blog later :) got classes to attend
and getting observed by another school today in my Mentor Program
wish me and nick both the best of luck!
byebye ^_^
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