describing me.
view my [[twitter :: resource site :: msn :: youtube :: boyfriend]]

Saturday, January 2

thank you rabbito!! <3

after one of my post i learned that i wasnt the only person feeling the way i am

when times are feeling down you can always count on someone to pick you back up
rabbito picked me up all the way from malaysia ^_^
thank you rabbi-chan i love you!!

stupid eyes... >.>

me on the inside vs. me on the outside

sometimes i think i have too many emotions,
but thats not true...i have emotions like any other person
mine are just a little strong
i normally only feel anger towards myself
i filter my anger into sorrow because i dont like to be angry
if its something i'm sensitive about, my mood can change in a snap
the only problem is that i cant always hide it
because of my stupid eyes...
they show everything
the colors slightly change, but not everyone notices
the ones who do can read me like a book.
but even besides the colors my eye's are very expressive
and i HATE it

it sucks when you're trying to hide your feelings but your stupid eyes just decide they want to scream to a world how you're feeling
its annoying :(

Poem - Where Did You Go?


i would have rather not talked about it..im sorry...

a selfish wish..

i wish i had a bestfriend.

its selfish but it's true...
i do have best friends, but my best friends have best friends

like there are people who have more than one best friend, but even then there's always one who they hang out with and talk to the most...you know what i mean?

well i dont really have that...

i'm best friends with people,
but im no ones bestfriend

am i not good enough to be a bestfriend anymore?

i used to have bestfriends...
but they're all different now
they hardly talk to me now

i miss being the first person they'd come to
if they needed to talk
if they needed a hug
if they needed advice
if they didnt want to be alone
if they needed anything at all
but i dont seem to be that now,
im always one of the best friends not the bestfriend

the second best or third best
the one who they talk to but dont always want to see
the one that has some things in common but not everything
the one they'll call if their mad at thier bestfriend

but who do i call?

this came up because i was looking at old pictures. i saw a picture of me and my old bestfriend. and my other old bestfriends. then i saw them and thier best friends, and other people with thier bestfriends. then i thought to myself... "where is my bestfriend?" i have a bestfriend but i am no one's bestfriend...i dont feel unwanted or unloved, its just a selfish desire...because of what i used to be..

but at the same time...

people used to fight over me...when i had bestfriends, they would all not get along in some way. whether it was envy or jealousy or anything else, they would dislike eachother and wouldnt be around eachother. they would argue about who put eachother first even though they were all number one.

i had 3 bestfriends
one was like a twin, one was a big sister and one was a little sister

just like in a family each one i went to for different things but they all meant the same

they all drifted off onto different things, different people
and one even turned against me...

i consider this post offencive but honest and im sorry to those who have read this and hurt. i do realize how selfish this is and now the whole world knows, but i cant help the way i feel...

Friday, January 1


wow i look like such a creeper!!

well anyway,
i went to the mall for about 10 minutes
looked around then waited to be picked up

i got mistaken for a boy again -_-
i was sitting against the wall with my legs against me
and i was wearing a hat
the only makeup i was wearing was eyeliner at the time
but i was wearing girl clothes!

a group of girls walked past me and said "aww look at that kid!"
then the other girls were like "aw he's so cute" and
"aw look at the little emo boy"
i just laughed and went back to staring at my phone
thinking to myself "wow, i have boobs. you guys are retarded"
do i look like a boy?
do i look like an emo boy?

wth i have a girl face!

i think... :/
haha XD

i do not like "emo"
its so annoying to be called that
i cant stand it
i just hate labels in general

i cant be labled!
i dont fit in a label!!

i mean yeah sometimes i can look like one if i want to but i was all-chick today!
 they said i was hot and they wanted hugs
i just kinda looked at them and went back to minding my own business

i dont mind girls hitting on me...
if they think im a boy, then that does nothing for me!
hahahaha XD

some girls are retarded


photoshop is getting addicting...
i like figuring out all the stuff i can do with it
and finding out how i like things to look
although i seem to stamp everything with a heartagram
...im just supporting my favorite band lol

my friend Dominique answered a question on facebook and said i would probably join a cult if it had to do with HIM (the band)

i would never in my life join a real cult lol

they do say the band has a "cult following"
the same has been said about My Chemical Romance and The Cure
but that doesnt mean its necessarily a cult,
they just have alot of hardcore fans
...i am one of those fans

and to make things clear:
its an inspiration not an obsession.

in the meanwhile,
i'm sitting here sipping on coffee
which definately needs to be re-heated..
because its cold (DUH)
and starting to taste kinda, well ya know...BAD
yeah, bad coffee. eww

i'm thinking about going to the mall later,
i have a tiny bit of money and my favorite store is have 50% of clearance, i am SO there
i probably wont even be able to get anything
because im an XS in shirts and that size is always out
because little kids want to feel grown up and go to the Juniors section
which is not nice

since its the new year, i guess i'll post a few things i'd like to accomplish in 2010
-have a good birthday
-make new friends, GOOD FRIENDS
-get a job
-actually pass the year (school)
-gain some self esteem
-learn to drive
-finally look my age (LOL LIKE THAT'LL HAPPEN)
so thats some of the things i hope to do
wish me luck!

i hope all of you with resolutions get through what you want to :)

new years :)

hope everyone had a good one!
i spent my new years with my boyfriend
we watched Travis Pastrana set a world record rather than watch the ball drop

my favorite part of tonight was just seeing his pretty face <3
since its break his facial hair has grown back so im happy about that, haha
i missed his beard!!

we cuddled on the trampoline
just like last time we were at Chris's house
we seem to always have special moments on that trampoline
maybe we should get one when we're older XD

i still think its cool how he's not afraid to love on me infront of his friends
its awesome how he doesnt hide it from people :)
it makes me feel so special <3

and what do you think of the picture?
am i getting better??

Thursday, December 31

ville valo <3

my favorite singer/songwriter in the whole world
i was playing with these pictures on photoshop [cs3]
and they didnt come out too bad !
they'd be better if i was better lol
im practicing >.<
i've only been using ps for a couple days
feedback is definately welcomme!!
to see what they looked like before there is a link to the original picture underneath the edit
edited by me
edited by me
edited by me
it took me about 45 minutes but i LOVE it!!
♥ ♥ ♥

Wednesday, December 30

ice cream!

vanilla bean ice cream, hershey's syrup and cappucino cream wafer rolls
it was really good, so i thought i would share it with you :D

getting better? maybe??

the idea was good...
and the picture would have turned out good

here's a new thing i was working on
here's before:

and here's after:

i really like what i did :D

i was in a wierd mood when i made this...idk lol

i like this too ^_^

click to enlarge

just some things i've made through the day :)
am i getting better?


photoshop is so confusing!!!
all i know how to really do...
is edit backgrouns T-T

Tuesday, December 29

a good night with a first <3

today was bad
but tonight was amazing :)
wanna know why?
well, earlier today
something happened that put me in a bad mood
because i dont like my happiness to be tampered with..
then Nicko said he would come to the movies with me and my family
so he walked all the way home
and we talked on AIM thru webcam for a while
then got dressed
and my mom got home then we went to pick him up
we saw Sherlock Holmes
a couple parts i almost crapped myself lol
and Holme's character kinda reminded me of nick in a way
it was really interesting and i loved it!

then the best part:
the car ride home

i was cold, so nick hugged me
but while he was hugging me...
i fell asleep
which is a big deal for me
because i have insomnia

but i fell asleep within about 1 minute
and i had a dream me and him were singing together
but we hit a bump and i woke up
i was like "woah...i fell asleep"
he smiled at me,
i had fallen asleep in his arms <3
and that smile he gave me was the brightest i've seen
it was beautiful

i fell asleep again
a couple times
then i woke up again
i had 4 dreams and they were all amazing
then there was the kisses goodbye
...they were amazing
i didnt wanna stop
and he said i love you and good bye
but in a soft, sweet whisper

sounds perfect
because it is,
you can ask him yourself
tonight was nice :)

technology @_@

today i got to cam with my adorable boyfriend :)
i love him so much ^3^

he's so adorable *daydreams*
i was smiling so big lol i cut it out x)

he was playing drums
he got a new double bass pedal ^_^
he's amazing at drums

his puppy bella! she's cute but im scared of her lol

he's got 2 ganeboys lol

haha he showed us what we look like!! :D

idk why the screenshots cut off like that
but you get the point haha

also, today i got photoshop
and i used it for the first time...
its complicated!!
i can hardly figure it out!
this is the first picture i made with it

that right there...
took me 2 hours -_-'

i know how to use brushes and take out backgrounds
and download fonts...and thats it
im slow XD

but thats my new desktop background ^_^

these were my past 2

oh yeah,
how bout i ask you all a question!
look at this screenshot

based on my password hint,
do you think you can guess my password?

hahahaha XD

Poem - You Just Look Like You

Lying in bed after a bad dream
waking up and just wanting to scream
but first thing that comes to mind is your smile to calm me down
and thinking of just how
you just look like you

your brows are strong, just like you
because you always pull me through
any tough times you're always there

your arms are firm like our foundation
because our love is stronger than any nation
so you can pick me up when i've fallen

except when i fell in love with you
because you fell too
and i can see it in your smile
which is brighter than the sun
lighting up my day and pushing the gray clouds away
making me happy since the day i first saw it

your eyes are like heaven
when i look into them, they take me there
and there i stay
the colors unlike any other
bursting into supernova
but more beautiful than any star in space
and they keep me safe
seeing past my flaws and seeking out perfections i never knew i had

the curls in your hair are soft and gentle
like the words you speak and the way you touch me
and the way you love me

when we hug, we fit like pieces to a puzzle
and i fit perfectly and we know

from the clothes you wear
down to the bare
you just look like you
and you look like love

Monday, December 28

sorry guys,

not in the mood for long post today...
not in such a good mood...
all that happened today:
woke up
got mad
did nothing
got happy
got mad again
got happy again
got sad
wrote a poem
posted this
tomoro will be better..
i'll do a long post tomoro


Photography - Baklava

its one of my favorite treats,

i think started in Greece

Poem - I'm Sorry, But No Second Chances

it was great, i'll admit
all the way up till 3 weeks before we split
you and me, we were great
you were someone i could really appreciate
until the end,
whe you'd ignore me and send
my heart in a whirl-wind
and it became a trend
and happened
and again
and again

i'll tell you this:
i almost left

but because of all you said,
and the notes of mine you read
i thought we had hope
and i tried my best to cope
then one day,
dare i say,
you rejected me for the first time
and because it had never happened i saw it as a crime

i knew something was different
and i knew you needed to repent
you didnt

then the day i started my summer season
you gave me not nearly one reason
and you were gone faster than falling rain
and i almost couldnt take the pain

and while i was walking, you drove past me without saying a word
you didnt stop to say hello or wait for me at the curb

i cried, i shedded tears that day that i hadnt shed in a long time
and when i saw my first love the same day, he wanted me to be fine
when they stopped to say hi i asked them not to go
because i had already been left that day, and to leave they said "no"
they stayed until i left, just like you said you would
but you didn't keep your promise like you know you should

you said if i needed someone to talk to, i could go to you
you said if i needed someone to cry to, i could go to you
you said if i needed someone, that someone would be you
but come that day...now where are you?

you werent there

you said you only wanted to be friends
and now without you my heart amends
you said you didnt feel the same anymore
that hit me hard all the way to the core
and it made my heart so sore

just to find out you were running from yourself
but you didn't have to run from me...
you could have run to me

and now you realize your mistake
and im sorry, but you are much too late
you called yourself an idiot,
you know its you who did it

but remember this from that song you like:
"We've had one chance to, take back, but over and over again"
you didnt take that chance
"i never wanted to hear all the things that you told me"
but i did
and it says "your eyes are yet to be clear now"
but they are clear now

and i'm sorry, but no second chances
if i had done that to you, you would say the same
you told me yourself, many times and ways

you're right,
none of this would have happened if you hadnt run
but i there was someone there for me to pick up the pieces
you should have proved yourself the way he did
you should have tried as hard as he did

but now my heart is stolen
there is no pieces to be picked up
every piece of my shattered heart has been sealed
and you still have a part,
you will always be in my heart
its not the same size as the piece you had before

you see?
i cant do that,
its a plain fact

and you said you don't know what love is
well if you dont, then you must have been lying
the whole time, just lying
so i guess i didn't know what love was either

but i do now

so i'm sorry, but no second chances

because when i see my love my heart dances
and each day, that love grows and enhances

you said "fake roses never die, and niether will our love"
i still have that rose you gave me, its on the top shelf of my book case
i see it from time to time
fake roses never die, and i still love you
but only friend wise

i couldnt got through that again
not the end, again

you had your chance but now my heart is taken
with an invincible love unshaken
and joyfully it prances
so i'm sorry but no second chances

Sunday, December 27

coat modelling? jk I WISH!! haha

well my jacket is by XOXO brand lol tell me what ya think!


there's a new buffet in town
it's asian and has mostly chinese food
but all the food was good ^_^

i got dumplings, spring roll, sesame chicken, stuffed biscuit, sushi and rolls...

sweet and sour chicken...

these two treats for dessert ^_^
the right was crunchy the left was soft and tasted like strawberry

me and tehya got fortune cookies

my fortune said
"Your heart is pure, and your mind is clear, and soul devout"

very true :) ♥

Photography - Winter's Bliss

(click to enlarge)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...