~

describing me.
view my [[twitter :: resource site :: msn :: youtube :: boyfriend]]

Saturday, November 27

ugh :( mostly ranting post.. [+vlog]

m y  v l o g   fo r   t o d a y 
today was not that good...
i have been bored the whole day
and not been in a good mood...
i feel...angry and sad. and bothered
very much annoyed by these feelings =.=
__________________________________________
bella has been messaging me...
it is making me sad..
it's so tempting to just be her friend again
because i feel bad for ignoring her...
she has been begging me and writing me songs and poems
begging me to be her friend again... and to forgive her..

what she did was so immature...
but am i being immature for not forgiving her?
i forgive too much for everyone..
i am trying to stop...should she have been the first victim?
i am not sure :/ she is so young.. i feel bad..
i know she is broken over it and doesnt think i care
but i do! ...but i care about myself a little bit too..
more then i used to... she should have met me earlier..
i a m c o n f u s e d : (
all i know is that i can not talk to her..
_________________________________________
and this girl... that i hate...
i thought that if i faced my fear that it would go away
if i make a joke of it, then it wont be so serious
if i see her in person, i will not be jealous anymore because she is skinny with a double chin and that is ugly.
but now i am even more jealous then i was before...10x more
but i can play it off 20x better to make it look like i'm not
hearing her mentioned makes me feel like throwing up and i want to stab someone hard...
now all i do is wait for her to be brought up so i can get angry and have a reason to curse
but i curse anyway because i am always angry.
it is a wierd feeling.
i always knew that she was there
but never saw her in real life
it is almost like she was imaginary to me, so that means she was only in my mind.... well our minds...
and thoughts can't easily be get ridden of...
but now she's alive...
she is a person now...
she has perfect skin and friends and people like her
and she's tall with a normal nose... and perfect smile...(except for a rotten looking tooth that looks like its not connected at all................)
and bigger eyes than mine with lips that are both pink.
i am so jealous of her...
WHY DOES SHE DESERVE TO HAVE ALL OF THE PERFECT TRAITS!!!
...God, why wont you make me feel more beautiful than her?
i dont ask you for very much i just want that...
it is not fair... i want to be happy
why do you always have to get in my way?
i want to be able to go wherever the hell i want without out thinking about you!!
i've never been more jealous of anyone but you.
this must be what it feels like to have a bad ex boyfriend...I NEVER DATED YOU!!!!!?! 
why do i feel like you are my ex?? 
YOU ARE NOT MY EX!!!! I NEVER LOVED YOU?!! 
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU AND ONLY SAW YOU ONE TIME!!!!!
...yet you broke my heart without even trying.
or maybe you did try, you wished i was gone like i wish you were gone now
i cry over you too much
it doesnt even matter what i do.
you come up at least once a day, whether its in conversation or a facebook suggestion.
you keep me awake because you bother me, and i dont want to sleep because i'll have nightmares about you... and no matter which one i do, i am still mad at you because i am tired.
why do i know more about you than i know about my sister who i've known for almost 14 years?
i wish i knew nothing about you so i didn't worry about everything i do.
fuck you! i can do whatever i want!!
i just want  to be like SNAP! and then you are gone
but i tried that
and it doens't  work that way...
i want to go back in time and come over the day you did and hurt you
or go farther back and make sure you never got his attention
i should have said hi to him at Don Pablo's when i was little so we could have been together instead so i didn't have to deal with you later.
i think its ironic that we have so much in common that we could have probably been friends.
i hate you so much, to think that i would have never been jealous of you if he hadn't said that your favorite thing was anal. pity.

____________________________________
i am in a horrible mood right now.
i want hot chocolate and i dont wan to go to church tomaro
my mom is annoying me to the highest level and so is my brain
i have got to gain control of myself or everyone will be in for 90 pounds of midget hell at school monday and i will end up being mean to every body
if my mood gets too bad i will stop caring about things...
i really don't want that
because i act very different when i don't care and it is a bad different...
some people will be sad...others will be furious
both are bad, and i dont want iether

i need to find a way to cheer myself up...
goodnight...

Thursday, November 25

800th post! wow.

i've had this blog for a meer year and a half maybe, and this is my 800th post!
i have so many art and writings on here, that is the majority of my posts. i have over 100 poems on here and over 59 photography shots. crazy right?
here are some pics from today, i got new shoes!
arent they cute? i love them!
i was on the phone with nick that whole time xD dont think he kenw i was taking pics
he was talking to his friend Ben on xbox so wasnt paying attention i guess lol

in honor of the large number f this post...i will post 100 truths for you guys :)
thanks for following me!!

  1. i have 4 names in all.
  2. i have a sibling i have never met.
  3. before i met my boyfriend, i didn't believe in families and never wanted to get married, but now i want both very badly.
  4. before i met my boyfriend, i did not want to finish high school or go to college, but now i am going to do both.
  5. my boyfriend said i am not allowed to marry him if i do not go to college. so i am going to college and so is he.
  6. i want to visit Helsinki, Tokyo, Stokholm, Paris and Warsaw before i die.
  7. after i get married, me and Nick want to move to Taiwan.
  8. i don't smile as much as i should.
  9. i still have my tan from summer.
  10. Brooklyn, New York is my favorite place to be.
  11. i have a wierd obsession with eyes.
  12. my emotions overwhelm me all the time, no matter which one...both positive and negative emotions.
  13. i honestly never thought i would live to be this old.
  14. i wish i was famous, that people wanted to know about me and interview me and things
  15. i am too forgiving, and it has now caused me some very very upsetting trust issues.
  16. i have very very low self-esteem.
  17. i have a dinosaur named Stewie who needs a date to the ball.
  18. i hate talking to myself, so i don't think out loud.
  19. i forgot about my homework until just now.
  20. i have drank 4 cups of hot chocolate, 7 cups of rootbeer, ate half a bag of doritos and consumed 13 ice cubes today + a microwave pizza.
  21. i am very confused right now.
  22. i have an email pen pal :)
  23. i have a head band in almost every color, but i rarely wear them.
  24. i almost always straighten my hair because i hate when it is curly.
  25. when i was little, i wished i was Pocahontas off the movie. then when i saw a painting of the real Pocahontas, i wanted to be Jasmine from Alladin, because the real Pocahontas didn't look like me.
  26. i solely embraced my Native American heritage until i discovered how much i loved being Puerto Rican.
  27. I hate the French language.
  28. I think Finnish should be the romance language instead of French, i think it sounds much prettier. and takes more effort to learn, which shows passion.
  29. i like it when Nick kisses my earlobe. don't ask why, i just like it ^_^
  30. i am too patient with certain people.
  31. i like 80's and 90's music better than the music now.
  32. i am very upset at this moment, but i cant talk to anyone about it. because i refuse to talk to one of the people, and the other will get mad at me. so i have to mope... which upsets me more.
  33. i bought new shoes today.
  34. i like the color sea green.
  35. i enjoy all pale or blueish shades of green.
  36. my favorite color is purple.
  37. i found myself when i was 10 years old.
  38. i have had the same personality my whole life and my interests have been nearly the same as well.
  39. i have never felt accepted anywhere.
  40. i am always thinking about something, and it is usually not good.
  41. i forget things alot and it makes me feel stupid.
  42. i was convinced for a long time that i really was dumb and had no purpose.
  43. i'm feelin so fly like a G6 ;D
  44. i just passed gas...
  45. the first blog i ever followed was Sweetmangodesigns.com
  46. my first blog friend was Rabbito.
  47. i feel sick to my stomach right now.
  48. i really need a job.
  49. i want to start dancing again. desperately.
  50. i am tired of being talked to by people at school i want to be left alone.
  51. i fear that i might be too shut in.
  52. i love matte eyeshadow.
  53. i love to curl my lashes and put on lots of mascara.
  54. i'm almost never tired.
  55. i have really bad insomnia.
  56. i've wanted to be an artist since i was 4.
  57. i can speak very basic japanese.
  58. i always wanted to live in Japan.
  59. Asian food is my favorite.
  60. i have been interested in Japanese culture before i was into anime.
  61. i want to gauge my ears to 00.
  62. i ran into someone i hate today.
  63. i saw the girl i am jealous of in person today for the first time.
  64. i want snake bites.
  65. i want to pierce my nose and eyebrows.
  66. the first tattoo i will get is going to be on my writ and i designed it myself.
  67. everyone says i am thier truest friend.
  68. everyone betrays me and i don't know why.
  69. i want to publish a book of all my poems.
  70. i want to design clothes and make them.
  71. i hate being poor.
  72. i love food and i love to eat.
  73. i hate that it is so hard for me to gain weight.
  74. i am tired of holding in my feelings.
  75. i have an evil side that i am trying not to let rear its head out, but its getting harder.
  76. i am tired of having to let people go, but i am tired of being let down.
  77. i have bad dreams alot.
  78. i think sleep is a waste of time.
  79. i wish i liked myself as much as nick likes me.
  80. i complain alot apparently...but i don't mean too. i think i just have a whiney voice and i wonder too many things.
  81. i am afraid of thunderstorms.
  82. i am generally scared of people.
  83. i am afraid of making eye contact with people.
  84. i hate the cold.
  85. i love to draw.
  86. i wish my sister was more like me.
  87. when i asked God for a sister, i should have asked for a best friend.
  88. i am a pessimist, but i didn't used to be.
  89. i feel hopeless alot.
  90. my most common feeling is worthlessness.
  91. i love watches, but i never wear them.
  92. for some reason, i am still jealous of that girl.
  93. right now, i cant get her off my mind and i am upset about it.
  94. i want to be okay.
  95. i am very thoughtful and nice by nature, but certain things can turn me hateful in an instant.
  96. i hate that i am nice to the people i hate.
  97. sometimes i wish i had the guts to rip someones heart out for hurting me.
  98. i love Nick more than anything.
  99. i wish that all my wishes woulld come true one day.
  100. i love rain in Indian Summer.
here was my vlog for today

more about me!

i told you there's alot to know!
you guys actually know me better than alot of people do on real life
i don't talk about my feelings with anyone besides nick and my blog so no one really knows.
but here's more randomness!!

i love food!!! i am a bottomless pit. i love sweet food but there is never any at my house! i also love foreign food, mainly asian and spanish. and i will eat just about anything! i hate spagetti and tomato sauce though >.< i refuse to eat spagetti forever! i hate it! i love fruit too ^_^
my favorite fruits & vegetables:
  • strawberries
  • watermelon
  • avocado
  • celery
  • carrots
  • lettuce
  • honeydew
  • canteloup
  • mango
  • clementines
i have sooo many favorite foods! i go to the chinese buffet and eat at least 2 of everything! especially the sushi @_@ *drools* its the best!

now it is true that i will eat anything edible...but there are things that i will ONLY eat if it was the last food on the planet >.< there are foods that i hate!!

  • spagetti

  • steak

  • pork meat
  • soul food =.=
  • hamburgers
  • shrimp ramen Dx
  • cooked peas
  • green beans
  • turkey




more funny facts:
  • i don't eat cooked fish! sushi only unless it is catfish or mahi mahi
  • i only like chicken with sauce (honey bbq, general tso, orange...)
  • i put salt on my watermelon...and i like it Dx
  • i like to combine m&m's with hot sauce and doritos...it's me and nick's special recipe we made up one day and so far we havent named it yet but we should xD 
  • i ate worms for money when i was little o_o
  • i hate turkey and pork but i love turkies and pigs...but i love chickens the most but i eat them all the time and then i feel bad :( they just taste so good with all that sauce..
  • sometimes its hard to enjoy my food cuz i never gain weight and i poop alot >:[ sometimes i wish i could keep 10 extra pounds for more than a day Dx
  • i have the stomach capacity a 47 year old man xD i try to hide it by not finishing my food when i eat with people..
  • when i go to restaurants with my bf i always drink alot and take 3/4's of the food home and eat it after school xD clever, eh? :] hehe...just kidding i actually don't do it on purpose :( i just really love root beer!!

    ...thats all for now i guess :) was bored..

Happy Thanksgiving :D

this is probably the worst holiday ever -.-
they get up at 6am to start cooking the dinner that wont be served until 12 hours later
and all the food is gross D:
blehh Dx i hate thanksgiving food!
turkey is so dry @_@
this morning i had cake and coffee for breakfast
unfortunately it was a bad mix and now my stomach is all cramped >.<
i just cannot go right today!
this is my vlog for this morning :)
about how i hate thanksgiving but i love goats :D
well...ttyl! 
comment replies
i'm being too lazy to go to everyones blogs to reply so i will type the replies here xD sorry people i wont be so lazy next time!
  • Koo - thank you :D i made it on photoscape ^_^ hope you're doing well :D
  • Meri and Annie - thank you ^_^
  • Sweetmango - thank you :) and anytime, i'm so glad that he's recovered so well and you two can be happy. miracles definately do happen :)
  • Aidyl - it had never even crossed my mind what your name really was! i like to spell my name backwards so it is Yrrebsa (ee-reb-sah with a rolled R's xD) and its not a boring name, its pretty :D at least you dont have a wierd name like "Asberry" xD i'm glad you liked my vlog!! :D and yes i did spray it myself! nick helped me with it :)
  • P o o p e r - thanks i'm glad you liked it!! :D we are both short half-puerto ricans with short attention spans xD this is awesome!! my favorite anime are Beck, Peach girl and FullMetal Alchemist ^_^ ...oh and hamtaro :D hahaha that show was so cute ♥

Wednesday, November 24

[[+new vlog]]


see, what happened was, my video somehow got corrupted and only saved halfway through. so i had to record another part to finish it and it was basically ruined lol

Tuesday, November 23

my first vlog :D

subscribe to me on youtube ^_^

"I have lost the belief that people can be nice to you if you are nice to them. I'm never letting anyone in anymore."

my title is a quote from Koo's last blog post. and i couldn't empathize with it more. 
i remember back in my childhood days, i was always taught at school, church and home, the Golden Rule. "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" or as my pre-school teacher from church said, "If you want to get candy, you have to give candy first." [[she died this summer :( R.I.P. Miss Newman.]] and i followed it. what better way to bribe a 4 year old than with candy? but soon candy turned into ice cream, and ice cream turned into friends, then friends turned into so-called friends, who turned into please-dont-forget-me's, which turned into at-least-you-dont-hate-me's. 
     it didn't used to be hard to let people in, but now i notice that i never really let in a lot of people. i would talk to them, but they would know absolutely nothing about me besides my favorite bands and that i like to draw. they wouldn't know that my favorite color is purple, or that i didn't have my first kiss until i was 15 years old, or that i dont talk to anyone at school outside of school. they don't have an idea. they don't know my favorite shows, they dont know that i have a blog, they don't know that i love cream soda. nothing. there are even people who have called me thier best friend who didn't even know that i hated hamburgers, or that i hated always listening to them talk and never get to vent myself, they didnt know that i was thier best friend but they werent mine. there are people who have known me for over 3 years that don't know my parents are split up. or still cant pronounce my name right, or know that i have 2 last names. people let me in because i'm a good listener and i like to make people feel better and happy, but in most instances i never have truely gotten that treatment back.

the sad part is, i could have  used the Golden Rule against them, but i didnt.

it's not fair. if they weren't being nice to me, i shouldn't have been nice to them...if i couldnt get a word in, i shouldnt have let them get a word in back. but for some reason i cant be a revengeful person, although i have always thought of getting revenge on so many people, i hardly ever do. i have guilt trips over thoughts, which is enough punishment for me. sometimes, i just think of someone, and think to myself "you are dead to me." and they don't even know. and it annoys me that i am still nice to everyone after they hurt me. but i'm actually being mean to them, because i am not being nice to them because i want to, i only am nice because it is my first instinct. i do think through my every action (way too much) but i also don't think about some of them very thoroughly. such as, people saying hi to me. they wave to me in the hallway so i smile and wave back, two seconds later, i'm thinking "i should have punched them!!"
     it does annoy me that i almost cannot be a mean person, but at the same time i am thankful for it... if i was mean to people, there would be a lot of drama, which i don't like (i personally prefer theater ;D) the only high school drama i have is Degrassi, and all i do with that is watch it. and besides, if i was a mean person, i would be too mean of a person.. people tell me alot about them, i could use anything they tell me against them and point out every time they've hurt me or any mistake they've made, and i know how to push people's buttons and make them explode because i pay that much attention to detail. people underestimate how smart i am. i actually think they should admire me for being able to control myself so well that i havent completely crushed thier spirits... there are some people, that have hurt me so bad that i should never even talk to them again, but i am still nice to them. but that is beginning to stop...fast.
     the reason this quote caught my attention so quick is because of something that happened today, this afternoon. i was breaking down and freaking out. one of the people who i for some reason thought i could count on, just so happened to get online right as i was about to get off. she always tells me how she feels and i always help her out. nick was having a mean moment and somehow bella had a feeling that i was sad. thinking i could trust her, i told her i was sad because i wanted to get my feelings out... and i wasnt crying, just shaking. until she sent me things that i had posted on his wall of FB and pictures i tagged of him and then i got sad and started to cry... i begged her over and over again not to say anything to nick. i just needed someone to talk to, i was too scared to call him because he was upset with me and i was scared so i talked to her because i thought i could trust her. but she didn't know the whole story.. she blew up without knowing the whole story and sent nick a really mean and wordy message when i begged her not to say anything to him. because that is one of the worst things to do with him... having people sending him dumb messages cussing at him for making me sad... this is the first time it has ever happened and it wont (better not) happen again. he will leave me if something like that happens... now, i don't think he trusts me and i worked so hard to get him to trust me :( now it makes me not want to try to trust anybody. i told her that it wouldnt be helping. she says all the time "Asberry you're my best friend i love you" but she almost just ruined my relationship for good... the sad part is, she was my only really really close friend. she always talked to me when i was lonely, we always had something to talk about, even though she was 11 she was a little mature for her age and always made me have fun even though we dont know eachother in real life. always sharing anime and youtube links, talking about the wierd things our sims say and songs to write in our notebook. i loved having her as a friend (when she wasnt being stubborn) she was like a little sister to me, but she rarely ever listened to me... i was always there for her, and i thought she was there for me too, but she wouldn't have messaged him if she really did love me. because instead of helping me heal, i almost got my heart broken again. the number one thing i hate is when people get involved with my personal relationship. it makes me hate people... very quickly... i can't be her friend anymore. if she can't respect my wishes then i cant be her friend.. if i cant trust her or tell her anything.. i cant. 

i'm sorry Bella. we had alot of good memories, 
but this friendship has to be over... 
and i know you're going to cry over this. 
but remember how i always told you, 
to save your tears to cry over someone who's worth it? 
you can cry over me.

i wont let anyone in anymore. i had already stopped, i don't know why i thought that this would be worth it. it is like i have no luck with friendships... no matter who it is, i almost always get betrayed or walked on. and it kills me. i just wanted a friend that i could talk to about random things and trust to tell my feelings to. i have nick of course, but it was nice to have a best girl friend. because i don't usually have a lot of girl friends. i am trying to talk more to girls because i don't want people thinking of me wrong for having alot of guy friends and i don't want to upset nick either so i try to talk to more girls. 
     its a really confusing feeling, do you want to try to make a new friend or shut everyone out? because the second option is beginning to seem like a really good idea. and i'll probably do it. but is it right? should i close myself in again? i think i'm going to stay in my hole away from everyone...

BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad!!

this series is amazing! has anyone else watched it?
 i have already watched the whole thing,
but after i just read the Wikipedia page on it,
i'm going to watch it all over again!
why? because there are so many similarities between that anime and the real rock culture that i didn't notice but were so obvious!
such as how Ryusuke is based on Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin
and Taira being based on a young version of Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers.
if you need to know more then view the official US website here!
 if you like rock music and the culture then you should DEFINATELY watch this anime!
i think even a non-anime fan would enjoy this!
i'm serious when i say it, this show is so GOOD!
there is only 26 episodes in the series but it is definately worth it :)
they have all 26 episodes on the FUNimation channel on YouTube (but you have to be 18 to watch because of the cursing -.- i made a new YT account just to watch it xD) and they have all of the episodes in ENGLISH! they have the one that is in Japanese with subtitles also :)

i can be pretty...sometimes :)

today i wore my corpus christi shirt i bought in TX :)
also wore navy blue shadow for the first time in a very long time today
but i took this pic on my webcam this morning
and i thought i looked really pretty ^_^
my skin looks really good today :)
my acne is getting alot better
starting to find less pimples :D
but there is this evil one that is a big bulge under my skin that has yet to make its way to the surface...i know that one is gonna hurt!! D:
not looking forward to it =\
_________________________________
and yet again, nicko has saved the day!
yesterday i was extremely [[not happy]]
but he was being so candy sweet
i just couldnt help giggle and squeal (.^v^.)
he is the cutest person ever :)
___________________________________
i am sad about this though ~
RABBITO ISNT UPDATING AGAIN TILL DEC.6!!!
*wimpers* i miss her already T-T
she's the first post i look for when i get on~
wahhh =( cant wait till she gets back ( ^-^)/♥
__________________________________
i kind of want to watch Negima again...
i don't know why though o_o
hmmm....
__________________________________
here's some random silly pics i took in my glasses last night xD
beware of my retarded-ness!!!

Monday, November 22

Its a miracle that you saved this day.

l i g h t m y c a n d l e





my blog stats~ oh my!!

i looked at my blog stats on blogger today...
crazy-ness!!! never knew i had ever gotten that many visitors!!
it shows so many things on blogger stats~
  • the last link the person was at where they clicked on your link - alot of people actually find my blog by searching hello kitty! i designed a car a few months ago with a hello kitty decal and it comes up in yahoo image search apparently o_o i have also been found by someone searching "unexplainable pictures" and found my ice cream logo design xD
  • your top countries where your visitors come from - i found out my top country is the US and next is Malaysia, South Korea, Philipines, India and Germany! i have a feeling i know why :) ...i love my friends ^_^ ♥
oh so crazy! i never knew all this stuff :)
i'm so excited :)
click the image to see it better :)

ABC survey

got bored and stole this survey from Adyaa :) haha ^_^
A - AVAILABLE : nope :)
B - BIRTHDAY : 2-4-93
C- CRUSHING ON : Nick Mutters :)
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD : Root Beer
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO : Nickooo <3
F - FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT : World Coming Down - The Dying Breed (Beck: MONGOLIAN CHOP SQUAD soundtrack) ♥
H - HOMETOWN : Fort Campbell
I - IN LOVE WITH : Nick :)
J - JUGGLE : between nightmares and reality
K - KILLED SOMEONE : wanted to =.=
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE : from here to El Paso, TX D:
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR : choco banana :)
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS : 1 ..that i've met, i know i have half sibling sum where that is grown?
O - ONE WISH : to be happy all the time
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST : Nick :D
R - REASON TO SMILE : i didn't throw up today :D
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD : ievan polkka - kagamine rin
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : like 3 am e_e
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR : u dont need to know dat :o
V - VEGETABLE : carrot *_*
W - WORST HABIT : being paranoid!!!!
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD MOST RECENTLY : never had one o_o
Y - YOYOS ARE : lost in my house...i used to have 3 :D
Z - ZODIAC SIGN : aquarius ^_^
i wish today was one..
there are just some days where there is a memory
and there are just some memories that are so much worse than others
sometimes they are just so much worse that it makes you want to cry 
in public
and throw up
and scream
and it just doesnt matter who is around.
right now i feel sick to my stomach. it didn't hit e until nicko hung up last night to go to sleep, that today was Ville Valo's birthday. my favorite singer of all time. the worst part about this day, is that it is unlucky. extrememly unlucky. having hope last year, i let something bad happen... it was a wierd feeling that day. i was looking foreward to a great day, but i got a text that was supposed to go to someone else and i knew what was going to happen already, but at the same time i didn't, then also hoped and prayed that it wouldnt. but it did. i was furious. i was devastated. i was so messed up and it has changed the way i feel about certain things.
 today, of last year, was when i officially became a jealous person.
this morning i was in a horrible mood. i didn't know what to feel, or what to do or anything. i woke up at 3:30-something AM and couldnt get to sleep again. so i left my house and went on a walk for a while and came back. it was about a hour later and i was torn up from thinking so much so i cried...i was so mad and sad and upset, it was like it had just happened all over again. i felt alone and helpless but i didn't want any help, i just wanted comfort, but i didnt want to talk to anyone. not even nick... i took a shower and got dressed and layed down until 6:30 then went to the bus. i'm exhausted right now. i didn't text him this morning like i usually do because of my mood being so bad and i didn't want to say anything mean to him. he wasn't happy about that and text me so i said i was sorry.. he told me not to think about the past anymore. of course i try to not think about the past but it's a real struggle because i almost never forget anything, i remember everything down to the detail. i remember texts and conversations i had the day and everything. its all so vivid, every memory is. its a sad feeling... he reassured me that everything was going to be fine... he said he would never do anything to hurt me like that ever again and that i am the only one for him. it warmed my heart... to hear those words "i love you" on this day meant alot to me. i should have talked to him so he could have cheered me up instead of avoiding him. i'm sorry nicko i love you so much
this is what i look like today
i guess i look good in green? i always thought i looked good in this color of green. i'm also wearing my HIM shirt with dark blue jeans. and i have in my guitar ear ring :) like it? its cute right? my mom got it for me when she went to rock and roll hall of fame a couple years ago and the guitars actually say "fender" on them =) i love them ^_^
i'm starting to really get good with photoscape~ i think
all of the pics in this post are taken with webcam and edited in photoscape
and my webcam quality is actually really bad o_o
which means i edit really good!! =D
was listening to system of a down
lonely day ...its a good song ..well all thier songs are good >.<
speaking of songs...
and music...

Happy Birthday Ville Valo
you are officially 34 :)

Ten Days post 2 - Day 10

Day 1; 10 things you want to say to 10 different people
Day 2; 9 people who have influenced you
Day 3; 8 pictures to describe how you're feeling
Day 4; 7 things you do every day
Day 5; 6 songs you listen to on a daily basis
Day 6; 5 things you wish you could change
Day 7; 4 things you're craving
Day 8; 3 people who inspire you
Day 9; 2 books you've read and liked
Day 10; 1 symbol that represents you

1. the Heartagram
...should have expected that :)

but if i was in second grade i would have said yin-yang

Sunday, November 21

on the phone with my hunny as usual ^_^ he's the funniest cutest person ever xD see the big smile? :D it will surely be gone by tommorrow.
because i am a senior, i get to be out of uniform tomaro and where whatever i want! most likely it will only be jeans and tee shirt...i have nothing fancy anyhow, but i will be happy to be comfortable the whole day for once =)
well, i'm off to bed!
j  a  h  a  n  e  ♥

Ten Days post 2 - Day 9

Day 1; 10 things you want to say to 10 different people
Day 2; 9 people who have influenced you
Day 3; 8 pictures to describe how you're feeling
Day 4; 7 things you do every day
Day 5; 6 songs you listen to on a daily basis
Day 6; 5 things you wish you could change
Day 7; 4 things you're craving
Day 8; 3 people who inspire you
Day 9; 2 books you've read and liked
Day 10; 1 symbol that represents you

1. The Outsiders
2. That Was Then, This Is Now
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