describing me.
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Thursday, February 25

one more time..

not having such an easy time right now...once more,
another horrible day.
because my teacher is not cooperating and listening to me
i am no longer allowed to talk to my 2 friends in class anymore
and i only had 2 anyway..
today i was so mad i cried
so much went on
then part of one of my nightmares happened...
i am really scared now..

good night all..

Wednesday, February 24

Better than yesterday

school was bad again,
the last teacher ruined my day once more
she says she is kicking me out of her class
just because my assignment will be one day late
its not fair!!
i have a legitimate reason
but i think that teacher is a
[lady - puppy]

when i got home from school things were better
nick called me while i was on the bus and him and Zac came to get me
then Zac's new girlfriend and her friend
then we went to Soccer City
i sat with the girls while the boys fooled around
it was awkward with the girls...
they knew eachother but i didnt know them
and i had nothing to talk about (._. )'
aye ya...
eventually they started talking to me
and they asked me things about me and nick
like how long we have been together
and how we met
they were like "aww thats so cute"
i agreed :) lol
Zach had a game so we watched that too
nick was down sitting by the girls but came up to sit by me later
while we were sitting up there and just messing around
his attacked me and licked my face
so i was covered in drool XD XD XD
it was hilarious!!
and no one else saw it
they missed out!! :P
after the game we went to Pablo's house
we watched Gabriel Iglesias
who is hilarous XD XD
(i'll add a video to this post later if i can)
Nick and Pablo played SKATE
(which is like horse but instead of basketball its skateboarding)
Nick won...of course :P
but it was freezing
the girls sat in Zac's car but i was outside watching
i dont think they were really paying attention
i also dont think they really like me :/
i have seen Nick drive for the first time tonight
everyone was scared but me lol
it was night time and nick couldnt see
he also was wearing no glasses
but i trust him
he drives well, he just couldnt see
he said he'll bring his glasses next time :)
i sang my grandma happy birthday when he dropped me off
stayed in my room after that haha
today was half bad and half okay :)
better than yesterday

Happy Birthday to:
Amanda & Grandma

Tuesday, February 23

its a good song, check it out

picture edit by me

Today was just not good...

it all started during the night
6 B A D D R E A M S
all in a row
i wont talk about them
because i dont want them to happen
i woke up feeling like they really did
and had to refresh my memory
they seemed so real...
my mom yelled at me when i got up
talking some kind of non-sense
then my sister was angry because i got to the bathroom before she did
i almost missed the bus when i left
because i couldnt find my house key
somebody in the house moved it
(its still not found)
when i got to school i wasnt in much of a good mood,
but i was trying to keep myself up
i went to art class hoping that would cheer me up
but i messed up on my project..
i was behind on binding my book because i made the fold the wrong way...
and my black and white logo drawing was off...
i made the head too wide but everything else looked really good
...but just that one detail made me hate it
in math class we did nothing,
we went to a black heritage assembly put on by some students
they were all really good,
there was singing, a little dancing,
stepping and instuments
but the people around me were talking and i couldnt much hear it
in 3rd block is my online class
i forgot my headphones so no music...
then i failed my quiz...
more than once
i cant go on to the next lesson without passing it
i got really frustrated at lunch i got kicked off my lunch table...
now i sit either alone or with whoever else decides to sit by me
which TOTALLY made my day...not really
in fourth block my teacher called me a bad influence
the girl on the computer next to me was playing games
instead of writing her poem
and she blamed it on me!!
i was already done with my work!
i was not happy at all...
when my mom came home later in the evening
that didnt help at all either

just a bad day today...

Monday, February 22

i have changed...

something that alot of people say about me is that
i have never changed
there are people who met me a long time ago
who said im the same as i used to be when they met me
i know im not much different but i have changed
but only in the past few months
i didnt notice until Nicko told me yesterday.

when Nick met me, i was sad,
yes, i had just gotten dumped by a boyfriend
but even so i wasnt really a "happy" person
i looked more on the negative side of things
because that was all i could see
but Nick changed that
he tried his hardest to make me happy
even just the first time we ever hung out together
and from that day forward
now i have a more positive outlook on life
because i can see positive things

i always thought i would end up alone,
i thought marriage was a joke and never wanted children
now i want to get married and have children

i didnt care about school or grades and just wanted to drop out
now i have all A's and i get excited about getting good grades
and anxious to go to college

i used to give up on things easily and sulk about it
now i am determined and fight to keep myself from it

i used to be so shy that i would barely talk to anyone new
now Nick introduces me to his friends and takes me to dances and parties
and i actually talk to people and laugh loud

i used to not feel comfortable around people
but now i dont mind anyone

i thought all hope was gone
but now all i do is hope

everyone says you shouldnt let people change you
and to only stay true to yourself.

but if i hadnt let him change me where would i be now?
i could be in a mental hospital,
i could be trapped in my mind,
i could be lost..
i could even be dead

when people say to not let anyone change you
i think they forget that there is good changes too

i am still me, but i have changed
what changed?
 the difference about me,
is that i am

i became happy by letting my life fall into the hands of someone who loves me,
and now look at me:
i am happy
i am positive
i am hopeful
i am less shy
i am determined
thank you so much Nicko
you are the best friend and boyfriend anyone could ever ask for
you mean the world to me and i love you with all of my heart
thank you for making me the happy person i am now,
i owe you so much...♥

webcam fun :P

Sunday, February 21

good sunday

So, to my surprise, Nicko asks me if he can come to church with me
i said yes of course,
a little later he changed his mind...

then this morning he said he wanted to go again
so we picked him up and he came with us
he wrote on my hand :) <3

first there was sunday school, same old same old. nothing great
then there was the service, which i was excited about
then i could show off my skills on the sound board ^_^
of course the first thing i do is mess up...
the choir was up to high and there was lots of feedback and the mics were wrong..
but it got better :)
we started pixelling during the sermon out of boredom since i wasnt doing anything
afterwards we went to lunch for my uncles birthday at TGI Friday's
i got a quesadilla & he got cheese sticks ^_^
good stuff right there!!
we went to my grandma's and hung out for a while before we went back to church for play practice
then i got to show off again
but this time with my light ^_^
we went up to the youth room for food and a game and then we got to chill for a while
i broke down though...
a friend [i guess] of mine were making up i guess
then i remembered why i wasnt talking to her in the first place...
i didnt know what to do so i ended up crying
which i really reeeally didnt want to do
Nicko sat next to me and started talking to me 
reassuring me that everything was fine and trying to get me to be happy again
he got a smile out of me :)
sometimes i feel like i'm so naive..
i felt helpless and confused
and i felt like a baby..
and even at my worst moments he is still there for me
i love him so much
i couldnt ask for a better best friend or boyfriend
and he is both of those to me

Nicko said his favorite part was watching me
because im usually watching him do things but he doesnt watch me much
i thought i would bore him but i guess not :)
and everyone seems to like him
and us as a couple :)
that makes me happy ♥

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