~

describing me.
view my [[twitter :: resource site :: msn :: youtube :: boyfriend]]

Saturday, May 29

on the phone with nick, ♥

<3
of course we ended up talking about how much we love eachother..again..
he was studying and then all of a sudden thought about me and just sounded like he was in awe
...it gave me butterflies :)
he feels like he's not good enough for me and doesnt know how to describe how much he loves me, and thats why he always wants to buy me things all the time because he wants to make me happy, and people are jealous of him that he has me
he's more than good enough for me, he's the best for me, and people all over would adore having a boy like him in thier life.
there are so many numbers of people who are jealous that i have him, he's so amazing in so many ways
i could go on for hours and hours just telling him everything and how much i love him and treasure him
he's my favorite person in the whole world.
he's my oasis in the middle of the desert, 
my only ounce of peace left in a whole gallon of chaos,
the missing piece of the puzzle of my heart,
his love is stained on me and bleeds through me like permanant ink onto a napkin and will never go away
just like i shot into my veins for his love to continuously circulate through my bloodstream to keep my heart beating
and its true, because i live for him
all day, every day, i just cant wait to hear his voice
and even better, to see him
any kind of hope that i will be able to look directly into his eyes makes my whole face light up
everytime i see him, i just cant help but stare
because there is this beautiful replica of every dream i have ever had, all carefully and perfectly sculpted into one magnificent masterpiece of a human being...i'm always just in awe of his beauty
the way his nose is a perfect, rounded triangle,
the way his lips curve, and his perfect smile
his amazing, starbursting eyes, the soft curly hair
the perfect skin tone of a young native american...so beautiful..
the way his body was custom made for me by God so that we fit perfectly when we hug
and i can wrap my arms around him so comfortably
...i wish there were more words in the dictionary so i could better explain my feelings for him,
but that's why we have actions and art and music...to help us with these things ♥

pray for me.

i need it right now

thank you rabbito :)

in need of a re-take,

nick didnt like the way he looked in it, but i like it
he had a giant ice cube in his mouth XD
i was scared to take any more pictures because his parents had just got there and i didnt want them to be mad for making them wait >.<
we'll take this over, and he'll look the way he wants to look next time :)
and i will look better too :D


im going to have him as my blog banner one of these days >.< i will!!!!!

Photography - Love Is Real

Friday, May 28

did i look pretty today? :D

i think i looked nice :)
thats my new skirt i got recently...
everything else i've had about 3 or 4 years except the boots, i got those last summer :)
i like it :D

i fall in love with him over and over again, every single day.

i love that he feels like that :)
i love him so much!!
this is one of these things that have been consistent with him the whole time i've known him...
its like he lives to me, thats what it feels like
to wake up early and IM in the morning to tell me he loves me makes me feel special,
he used to say goodmorning by texting me, and he still says good morning even though his phone is taken
ever since i've known him, he has gone out of his way to make me feel happy, confident, beautiful, comfortable and loved...and its such a good feeling to know someone would do that for me
when i first saw him, he went as far as doing a trick off the back of my ex's truck to impress me
then he had me hang out with him and even bought me coffee just to make me happy
he came to my house early in the morning on a saturday to give me my two favorite things
he asked me out in person just like i've always wanted
he's quoted lyrics to me like i've always wanted
he's not scared to act silly and brags about me and takes me places
he tells me im pretty no matter what i look like or what im wearing and actually means it
and he fixes problems when they come up
among so many other things...*daydreams*

he's perfect...i love him so much ♥

even though i havent seen him for a long time, i feel like i have reached a new level of happiness with hom for some reason
and im so anxious to see him!! ahh <3
i honestly fall in love with him over and over everyday and it feels so amazing
just to have the feeling of getting buterflies whenever he talks
or the way i swoon when i feel my phone vibrate when he calls me or when he IMs me
he always has something to show me and it makes me happy that he shares the things he likes with me
and i do the same :)
he's just unexplainably beautiful to me, it just makes me want to cry tears of joy
it really does :)
nicko, i love you!!!!!

Thursday, May 27

boredome...

that's me and nick's tree :) it says
"6-30-09, AQ & NM, 4 ever"

Painting - Blue Backdrop [#600POST]




this is the painting i did for my extra credit in Art


i did the whole thing in 2 hours and my teacher was extremely impressed


and i am also happy to say...


i'm showing it as my 600th blog post as well!





thank you to all of my readers and friends, both new and old


i love you all and your blogs :)


i have never met most of you but you all make me feel like im special and i hope you all feel the same way


thank you so much everybody :)





and i passed my art class! ♥

i need some music!

every morning i listen to music to wake me up
and it works for the most part, but i really just want to be out of school already >.<
lol i look like a deer in headlights XD
still enjoying nicko's cute good morning texts <3
it put me in a better mood after i had a really bad dream
i was feeling distraught for a while...
it woke me up at 4 am and i was disturbed
i didnt even want to talk to anybody because it upset me so bad
and i mean anybody...
it seemed so real :( i hate those kind of dreams
him saying "good morning" and "i love you" got my mind off of it

when i woke up i saw i had an IM from Rineko! 
i forgot to turn off my laptop and fell asleep without turning it off!!
i love you Rineko im sorry for not replying sis >.<

this morning i found out that Paul Gray (bassist for the band Slipknot and one of my idols)
died a couple days ago :( omg!!
all of my favorite musicians are dying :(
i pray to God that he keeps Ville Valo alive


dont i look like Gaara from Naruto in this pic? haha XD

Wednesday, May 26

goodnight from nicko :)

i adore him <3
i took this picture at 11:10,
one minute later, i wished for him to dream of me
and i hope he does :)
in 6 days when school gets out, he's rushing to my house to see me
and i cant wait..i miss him so much
Nick, i love you so much <3
[g o o d n i g h t e v e r y o n e]

a p a r a j i t a ♥

this is my boyfriend...in what should be his true form :)
an indian chief! "aparajita" is one of his names in Cherokee
it means something around "victory" which suits him :)
i spent a long time on this edit, and after my frustration and guidence from my Cherokee baby himself, i have finally finished this project which i have worked on for about 2 days :D
and im lovin it alot!!

he chose me a Cherokee name too :)
"shyamala"
it means small, shy and dark

fits me perfectly!! :D
just like he does <3
i love my little Indian Chief :)

safe from failure :)

this is me, priming a display board for Art class :)

one of my projects, i never turned it
it had been covered in paint on a day i wasnt present and it was over half-way done so i never finished
well, i needed to make that up for the points...
1. i dont want to fail
2. if i failed, i wouldnt be able to be a mentor next year
3. i need the credit anyhow
there was work that needed to be done,
the teacher needed someone to paint a surreal landscape on the display board
so i volunteered to and i primed it today, will start painting tomoro
i asked the teacher if i could count that in place of my project and she said yes!!
i'm going to pass!! :D i'm so happy!

a bit boyish today?

no, not really :P but with my hair back it makes my hair look short
and i look a little bit boyish in these pix this morning, but i like it :D
im starting to kinda like the shape of my face...and my noise is starting to not bother me so much :)
i like this revisited confidence, im feeling alot better about myself :)
and once again i have a smile on my face, because things are going quite well
despite me and nick's issue of not being able to see eachother, our relationship is still amazing
we still talk about anything and everything and still always sweet to me ♥
i'm so happy to have him :) i cant wait till whenever the next time i see him is
WE MISS EACHOTHER LIKE CRAZY!!
i just wanna reach out my arms and pull him in like a magnet and cuddle him everywhere and snuggle him and give him kisses like a cute little teddy bear >.< he's so cute!!
maybe one day when he makes silly faces at me on webcam i might screenshot them for you all so you can see how ccute he is :) even though you guys already know XD

i have to get to class now, leave comments!
im back to posting alot now :) i love talking and i love feedback :D

♥ love you all ♥

a goodmorning from Nicko :)

it seriously does put me in a good mood, ♥
it makes me feel like he has dreams about me and that i'm the first thing he thinks about in the morning when he wakes up <3 it makes me feel so loved :) <3

Songs Left Unexplained #9: Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart

another song off of HIM's Razorblade Romance album
it reminds me of a time that i was sad..

let me wake up in your arms, you say it's not alright
let me be so dead and gone, so far away from life
close my eyes, hold me tight
and bury me deep inside your heart
all I ever wanted was you my love
you're all I ever wanted
you, my love
let me never see the sun, never see you smile
let us be so dead and so gone
so far away from life
just close my eyes, hold me tight
and bury me deep inside your heart

now for my meaning..

let me wake up in your arms, you say it's not alright
we had this great day, and everything felt right..then all of a sudden he says "i know we wont be together forever but i want to be with you as long as i can" which made me feel so sad..i was sad that it didnt sound like he wanted to try to be with me forever like he said and it flashed back to what happened to me before and it made me so sad..
let me be so dead and gone, so far away from life
for a second i felt like "why am i here?" that line above is how i felt before i knew him after my last break up and then when he said that i felt that way again...i know that what he said wasnt even a mean thing, he didnt say it mean, it was just what he felt was the truth so he told me. i appreciated that, but all i wanted was love that would last forever, nothing short and nothing meaningless
close my eyes, hold me tight
and bury me deep inside your heart
all I ever wanted was you my love
you're all I ever wanted
you, my love
he's all i've ever wanted in a person and i thought he was perfect and i never want him to leave. i know he said "as long a we can" but it still made me sad...like, how long is that? it's not meant to end..this is something too special. i just want him to hold on to me and never let me go
let me never see the sun, never see you smile
let us be so dead and so gone
so far away from life
those 3 lines may sound negative, but in my mind i see it as us setting ourselves apart from everyone else and going on our own adventure, far away from our pasts and on with our future together. the phrase "let us be so dead and so gone" is interpreted to me as this: dead meaning forever, because you cant come back to life after death. and gone as in so high on love that you dont want it any other way. so "let us be forever in love"
just close my eyes, hold me tight
and bury me deep inside your heart
always love me and never forget me or let me go ♥

Tuesday, May 25

Wine Tasting :)

i got all dressed up and went to a fundraiser with my mom,
it was for the dance company she is with, "contemporary dance theater" :)
and the fund-raiser was a wine tasting!
since i was with my mom, i was allowed to go :)
they had some really good appetizers!
there was tons of cheese, artichoke & spinach dip, mushroom patte` and bread and crackers :D
everything was so good >.< eee!
we got to taste 7 different wines and they all were...well...kinda icky lol
i dont much care for wine, its too bitter for me
but its nothing too bad, i could drink it if i had to, i just wouldnt prefer it :) haha
that is me and my mami :) everyone there was so nice
especially the costume designer diagonally across from me,
he was quite the character XD
he laughed extremely loud and was purposefully questioning the owner of the winery/host for the sole purpose of aggravating him hahaha XD
i feel bad for the guy, but that was so funny
he threatened to drink the entire bowl of leftover wine!
good thing Mrs.Elaine was driving, and even better that he didnt drink it lol
he's pretty silly when he's sober, how wacky would he be with a whole bowl of wine?! 0_0
i dont want to know...but kind of do at the same time XD
well i'm going to bed, goodnight everybody! ♥


....oh, and P.S.
wish me luck, i have to give a speech tomoro!! :o

Photography - Summer Wine

animal line adoptable!

i havent posted pixels in a long time >.<
im sorry everyone!
here is a small adoptable
a kitty, bunny, puppy, little bird and a bear
i'll give it as a gift to anyone who wants it just comment :)

i just realized how much i miss pixelling!! T-T

Tetris and a Tube

my last art project i did for line design in art class
im not sure why tetris is the first thing to pop into my head..
sorry the picture is crooked >.<
i colored this with watercolors and colored pencil

yea thats a smile :)

i really do miss nick alot, yesterday we were going to try and hang out
and we got excited because his parents said we could!!
but then while i was walking over, they changed thier minds :(
his mom did that on suday about church too, it makes me sad
but im not giving up so easily >.<
every chance i get that a even might be able to see him im gonna still try
and seeing his message this morning really made me happy :)
we talk alot now, over IM and webcam and i like it :)
its not the same as seeing eachother in person, but i can still see him
and that makes me happy :)
sometimes we get on teamviewer and get on eachothers computers
or we watch the same movie and talk about it together
and i love talking to him this much! it makes me happy :)
and he knows it...
because he checks my blog all the time!!
sometimes when we're on the phone i can hear my blog song playing in the background :)
he says he tends to look at me more when he cant see me
i dont mind the attention ;) but i wanna see my nicko boo!!
i love him so much <3 im glad we can still be this close like this :)

well i have a busy school day today,
im working on artwork, long lesson in math and the senior drama party today!
then later today i'm supposed to be going to a Wine Tasting with my mom for the dance company she is in >.<
i have to be all dressed up!! wish me luck today :)

he's such a sweetheart ♥

he got on the computer just to say goodmorning :)
he can send IM's to my phone and thats what i got this morning
it brightenend my day <333
i love you Nicko!

Photography - Enchanted Edit

looks pretty, right?
its really a tube with muddy water running from it at my school
 its just edited nicely XD 

Songs Left Unexplained #8: Death Is In Love With Us

this song is a huge jam for me, my second favorite of the more punk-heavy oldschool songs by HIM, second to Sigillum Diaboli which is my favorite to jam to.
This song is again off of Razorblade Romance, it's beginning to become my favorite album
see, i warned you all about my sentimental connection to this band :P
here's the Lyrics:
I know it hurts too much
I know that you're scared
I know you're running out of trust
Wishing you were dead
In your misery
You're not alone
So come share your tears with me
And witness it all go wrong

I know it and I feel it
Just as well as you do, Honey
It's not our fault if death's in love with us oh oh
It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts

41+66.6 = our loss
We're breathing only to fade away
We're running just to get caught

What love's lies blessed
What love's light cursed
Just fear for the best
And hope for our worst

I know it and I feel it
Just as well as you do, Honey
It's not our fault if death's in love with us oh oh
It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts

Death's in love with us oh oh
The Reaper holds our hearts oh oh
Death's in love with us oh oh
And the Reaper holds our hearts oh oh

I know it and I feel it
Just as well as you do, Honey
It's not our fault if death's in love with us oh oh
It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts

now for my meaning part...

I know it hurts too much
I know that you're scared
I know you're running out of trust
Wishing you were dead
i was honestly scared to be with him because i didnt want to get hurt again :( it did feel like i was running out of trust because everyone i trusted would turn thier backs on me and do something bad to me and i didnt like it :( he got through to me and i eventually opened up..
In your misery
You're not alone
So come share your tears with me
And witness it all go wrong
basically saying...he knew my heart was broken, but so was his and we had to get through it together
I know it and I feel it
Just as well as you do, Honey
It's not our fault if death's in love with us oh oh
It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts
we basically were feeling alot the same and had alot of pain in our past relationships. "death's in love with us" in the sense that pain chased us when it came to love...the good part, is that all that pain chased us until we ran into eachother and now its gone ♥

41+66.6 = our loss
We're breathing only to fade away
We're running just to get caught

What love's lies blessed
there were lots of lies in his past relationship and i was lied to alot in my past ones too
What love's light cursed
when we got together i didnt know that i was ultimately ruining something that had been ongoing for almost half of a decade..and i am still sorry to her for that even though it wasnt all my fault and she would never accept my apology even if i tried to say sorry. love's light shown on me and he noticed and never forgot my face, so he had to find me and he did, but it was like a curse that i ended his relationship with his ex-girlfriend
Just fear for the best
And hope for our worst
he was afraid that i was going to end up like her. he said one time that when things get good he starts messing up and he just knew that we would never make it together, but we have..and he stopped messing up and being mean to me, even though it wasnt often anyway- he's almost never mean to me now and im glad he did that for me :)

I know it and I feel it
Just as well as you do, Honey
It's not our fault if death's in love with us oh oh
It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts

Death's in love with us oh oh
The Reaper holds our hearts oh oh
Death's in love with us oh oh
And the Reaper holds our hearts oh oh

I know it and I feel it
Just as well as you do, Honey
It's not our fault if death's in love with us oh oh
It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts
death is no longer in love with us, we have eachother to keep us safe from the reaper and now we're in God's hands again. all prayers have been answered...thank you so much ~ ♥

2001 Mazda Miata MX5 ~

i like this car for some reason :)
im not sure if purple rims even exist...but i like them :D
its nothing impossible :)

Monday, May 24

the things i do for this kid...[post for nick]

the price i pay for Hunter's cuteness...
this is scary...lol
yes i am on a baby tricycle -_-' haha
how embarrassing ~
i had to cover my face lol that was scary...
i love little Hunty ^_^ she's a little menace sometimes though lol

coco cat! nyan nyan ~


this is my new coco cat shirt :)
i got it sometime last week, i've been wanting one for so long >.<
i would have got one at the Sanrio store in NYC
but when we got to Time Square, it was closed already :(
maybe next time ^_^
.....and this picture is rare
because i almost NEVER...EVER...EVER wear shorts..
im gonna miss my little Hunty :(
she looks just like my sister when she was little
except she acts like me when i was little...
in otherwords...
most adorable nightmare ever :) hahaha XD

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