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Friday, August 13

:( i dont know if i can do it...

i've never really been confident...at all...with anything. i try so hard to hide it but i stopped hiding. all of my insecurities are out in the open and pointed out at me every day. i hate it.. even a 13 year old can hurt my feelings and i'm almost grown. i am almost 18 years old and a child can hurt me. i am too sensitive...i always have been...and i despise it. one of the things i hate about myself the most. 
people always tell me that i'm pretty and nick tells me all the time, i believe that they do think that, i know he does at least...sometimes its hard to tell if people are saying it because they want me to edit something or help them out or if they actually think i am pretty. but no matter how much they tell me i still dont see myself as pretty. i think i look ok on some days and i try to act confident but it sucks that i have to act...i want to really be able to think im pretty without doubting myself.
i even look like a kid. i hate it, its so embarrassing...i wish i just looked like i want to look..if my nose was pointed a little and my eyes were a little bigger at least...i wish i had thinner lips so i can make kissy faces in pictures without looking fat. lighter eyes so they stand out with my black hair and dark skin and thinner eyebrows so i looked more feminine..at least have both of my lips the same color. i mean, i really am not happy with the way i look or feel about myself, i wish i was but i dont know how to be and it sucks...
he said if i cant get over my insecurities then im gonna have to get over him...
i dont know what to do :( what if i cant do it...thats the scary realness about this is that i might never be happy with myself or confident about my looks, but i dont want to lost him no doubt i dont. i just really hope i can get confident i just really need him to be patient..this could take a while..
[i think im going to break my own heart]

Monday, August 9

i love this song sooo much!!

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