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Friday, January 7

i couldn't fall asleep last night  so now im tired 
i only slept for about an hour and had a realy random dream
then a really stupid bad dream  grr... makes me mad >_<
ever since yesterday i keep thinking about how i wanna play Harvest Moon on  and how i so badly want to eat this taco salad
it looks so good~!!
ahh  why can't mami make them again
so i had a project due on wednesday
but i was lost on it  so i had to turn it in late >_<
i hate being late!!  ugh!!! so much!!
it was for government class
for my project i did a 2 page paper on the electoral college and a poster about it
it turned out great !
 for my project  
 cut out 51 little white rectangles
 labled them by state in either red or blue depending on thier political party
 drew the amount of representatives in each little square
 i think im going to ACE it
ugh thank God that teacher likes me or i would have never got the extension and failed
 so nicko and i have been having a lot of deep talks lately...
we have been talking about some things that i have been touchy with/don't really like to talk about
i'm starting to get more comfortable with saying whats on my mind now...
usually i just say nothing and leave it at that but i'm starting to say more now
i'm glad that we are talking about some of these things,
i can get them off my chest and its easier because he's the one bringing them up into conversation so i not as nervous...
sometimes i go to bed feeling a little sad, but its all worth it
 i got a notice in my mailbox yesterday,
 my card from rabbito-chan is finaly here
the bad news is...i wasn't here when the UPS was at my  ...
 i was so sad ~ ~
if i don't get it in the mail today, i will go to the post office
 i am very excited
might blog later...ttyl~

Thursday, January 6


i just got a credit ^_^
i finished one of my online classes!
yay me! :D okay... be back later :D

i look cute? ya?

i decided to wear a polo and navy cardigan today...just for a change
and i pinned my hair out of my face instead of swooping...
i kinda like it, but not for every day
hopefully i will get my hair cut soon and get bangs again :)
i need a trim...my dead ends are getting worse >.<
i've gotten way into choreographing lately...
i used to help my mom choreograph all the time and starting to dance again is making me do it again myself
i remember making up dances and my mom would teach them to the whole class
they didn't know i made the dance...they just said it was good
it wasnt an all the time thing,
but i was so proud of myself when i did it
because they were doing my dance,
and it looked awesome...
i forgot how happy dancing made me because i stopped for so long, i remember now how much i love it
how good it made me to feel to look back at the mirror and see yourself moving with the rest of the group, looking good and feeling great, the burst of energy, adrenaline and fun...
and of course, the music ♥
i've got 2 hip hop dances i'm creating myself, both half done
one is by U-KISS and one by Far East Movement
then 1 interpretive/modern dance
to a song by Ekhymosis
i enjoy this... if i could make it a career, i definately would
i's amazing
last night was so...ugh :(
ended up getting really emotional
i was confused, mad...just so many things
i really wish my life could be together like it used to be
i wish i could forget what it was like to have my parents married
if i didn't remember, i wouldnt be hurt...
that's why my sister isn't hurt, she was a baby...
i miss having papi there to always help me and both parents to watch me do things or do them with me
it's like...i feels like it's wierd to be happy because of it
i am scared of being happy...but i didn't know that this was part of the reason why until last night
i thought it was because of relationships...
because before nick, it was as if whenever i was happy, that's when things go wrong and then life shows you that you're not supposed to be happy and that you don't deserve it
it even happened with me and him...we were so excited for summer, then got grounded, then i went to texas, then he went to st.louis and came back with IBS :(
it makes me think that God hates me again or something,
"the world is a cruel place, but we're here, only to lose...
so before life tears us apart let, death bless me, with you.."
from Join Me in Death by HIM
life is hard...but i'm glad nick is still here for me
i have alot of problems and sometimes not even all there
so regardless of how bad life gets...i can still consider myself lucky
last night he said
"i'm trying my best to be everything you don't have right now"
i appreciate him so much... you'd think after a year and a half i'd be used to it but i'm still not used to someone caring so much about me like this... which is probably a good thing because then i wont ever think about taking it for granted, i never would anyhow
i love him more than anything...
will post later... byebye

Wednesday, January 5

ugh :(

 well you know how i said i was just gonna be happy?
well... its way harder than it looks apparently..
and i can't do it :(
i think about things way way too much
and everything is bothering me
it's very distracting...
project due today and another in a couple of days
i have to talk in front of class next monday
not excited...
oh and have to go to the doctor too
....i just wanna go back to dance class
no worries there...just fast learning, movement, music and fun
when my b-day comes around i'm gonna use the money i get to by a new class card so i can keep going after the 8 weeks is up ^_^ i don't wanna wait till next week
in fact...if i have enough money on my b-day i'll sign up for 2 classes a week instead :D
my b-day is also a month from yesterday
i hope it is good like it was last year...
i got on twitter online for the first time in a while
and looked at all my old tweets... and me and nicks convos..
we used to see eachother so much :(
it made me sad.. i wish were still able to see eachother like that
i was so much happier then being able to get away from my house and all the people that i can't stand and just be able to be with him and hug him and kiss him and just feel loved... i like that kind of attention alot..
stupid IBS makes me wanna slaughter people..

God please make it go away so i can have my boy back?

Tuesday, January 4

beautiful song that is stuck in my head...

This song is Azul by the band Ekhymosis, it is an older Spanish alternative band from Columbia. If you know who Juanes is, he was the lead singer in this band. i love this song...it sounds good when i sing it, i might cover it. i kind of want to do an interpretive dance to it, but there is no one to see it so there is really no point to it besides personal accomplishment.
it's a gorgeous song, if you don't understand it, just put it in google translate to your language...it's very poetic ♥ ahh i love it so much.. care to listen? song and lyrics posted below :)

Hoy quiero que me lleves
Hacia donde esta la luz
En tu caballo blanco
Que galopa por el valle
Del olvido y se va
Tengo tantas ganas de ti
Que regreses por mi cuerpo y
Lentamente me dejes morir
Entra la niebla de tu bosque azul
Entre el mar y el cielo
Slo existes tu
En el aire un beso
Como lagrima que cae
En el olvido y se va
Tengo tantas ganas de.......
Tengo tantas ganas de.......

...one question,

why does soulja boy not finish his words???

i learned some dances to 2 songs by him...First Day of School and Speakers Goin Hammer
fun dances ^_^ i cant wait to learn the next parts of them, i only know half the dance :)

todaima :D jk i wish T^T

ugh i am so sleepy T^T
i meant to update last night, but i forgot >_<
it took me forever to fall asleep and i left my computer on
i got a message from sue on msn so i talked to her for a little until i finally passed out xD
she's from a place in china near taiwan
it sounds really different from her...
she said the girls there dont wear alot of makeup there
she laughed when i compared some of the girls here to ganguro girls xD
some of them really do look like that though...
and i'm not sure if there is a good way xD
don't i just look so cute hugging my pillow?
yeah.... i didn't wanna wake up -.-
i woke up finally, i drank some smoothie and i finally woke up a few minutes ago
i really wana go back to sleep >_<
last night me and nick were giggling on the phone
it was a reminiscing conversation
i liked it ^_^ very cute
i was so hyper last night xD
dancing makes me have a really good mood!
and for some reason wierd noises make me excited??
 i start to laugh uncontrollably xD
it is horrible..

i manned up and went to my dance class yesterday! it was so much fun ^_^ this is only the second time i have ever tried hip hop dance and the first real class... it was so different @_@ i am used to taking ballet classes and hip hop is the total opposite!! in ballet...you learn terms, everything is slow, you learn all the positions and then a dance about a month later. in hip hop, you go in, you stretch and he starts dancing and you copy him and try to keep up D: the only similarity between ballet and hip hop is that you stretch at the beginning and end and there's a mirror in the room! ahh! i was so frustrated at first and i was barely getting it because it was so different of a class for me, plus it was my first dance class in almost 3 years! xD when i introduced myself to the teacher, he said was impressed with me because i caught on so fast and thinks i'll be really good in a couple weeks :) and he's already talking about auditions @_@ oh gosh xD i'm excited :D i cant wait till next week!

Monday, January 3

happy late new year!

well...christmas break didn't exactly go as planned... well at least mt  dad came up here, so that's good. but everything else...i've just been :/ well.. just no. lol, i don't know how to describe it, i've been mad and jealous :( i might rant on my private blog later...which i have actually had for a long time but i totally forgot about it. i actually made it last fall... so far no one can read it except me though, it might stay that way, idk..

i'm so extrememly tired...icky and i feel sick :(
this picture has no color effects or re-touching at all
you can see how pale i look and how red my eyes are
i feel so gross :(
i haven't talked to anyone at school, i'm so tired
everyone keeps staring at me like i'm an alien
probably cuz i dyed my hair haha i forgot that i did
i don't really know what to blog about... just not really in a blogging mood :/
i have my first dance class in a while today
and school sucks so far, i'm freezing @_@
all i can say is that i am extremely tired and i want to go home
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