describing me.
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Friday, January 14

coffee, pink lipstick and a gift from rabbito!

today after school i did some running around with my grandma
i finally got that coffee from walgreens i've been craving xD ()
now i was super duper  today!
when we were out-and-about, we went to the post office
and i picked up my message from rabbito!

blurred out her addy xD
i was so excited when i picked it up from the delivery center!
her note to me came in this envelope with some very yummy looking food on the front ^_^
(click to enlarge if you want to read it)
i am trying to write a letter back ^_^
front                                 back
click to enlarge and you can read the note ^_^
most kawaii thing i own! i absolutely love it!!!

this super kawaii picture she drew of us was enclosed ^_^
i love it!!! so super adorable~!!! ♥
thank you so much rabbi-chan you have made my year!
this is my first postage from a foreign country!
i am so very happy and excited about this!!!
when she gets back from camp we better have a big long chat!
i miss her so much its insane!
this means so much to me ^_^ <33 
i ♥ you beefee!
while i was out i got this cute pink lipstick :)

sorry for the picture spanm >_<
well thats all for now :)

i'll admit that sometimes i do still wish on stars.

sorry that i am so sad these days
i just really really miss my boy 
we cannot find a successful way to see eachother
and wellt makes me really sad to put it simply
i always feel  whenever i leave the house now 
bcoz i'm scared that i'm doing something wrong by it
even when i just go to the grocery store
the only reason i ever want to leave the house
is to see nick and to go to dance classes
ugh -___- 
its almost like i have IBS too now...
but i know i just have really bad nerves
this morning i got bored in my room 
so i took random webcam pictures  
photoscape is the closest i will ever get to a real purikura xD
i got a really sweet message from nicko just now
"well baby i love you more than anything and always will ide do anything for u ur my life boo u mean everything to me and ide never let anything happen to you baby i love you boo hava good day  talk to u after :) <3"
it made me feel like i'm walking on air 

Thursday, January 13

Ville Valo

"Somebody said somewhere that sobriety doesn't suit me. So I guess I looked better to them when I was fucked up and miserable and terrible. People need a Baudelaire or Bukowski to live the pain for them. Well, easier said than done."

i don't see why some fans cant still appreciate the music..
do they not realize his drinking was about to kill him?
they need to take into consideration that he is trying to live, he's better and is still improving..

something i have noticed...

maybe i'm not as easy to read as i think i am... 
most people can't ever tell what i'm really feeling, 
but the ones that know me well enough...
there are things even they don't notice.
i don't really like to talk about my feelings anymore, 
that's why i'm more emotional now than i used to be.
there are so many things that happened a long time ago, 
that i never spoke up about until now
and as always, i know too much & look to hard..i "take things wrong
but every symbol has a meaning to me even if it is meaningless.
my feelings always get all mixed up
because when someone influences someone else to hurt you,
and without even trying, it is sometimes difficult
 to figure out which one is the one that you really hate
you can never say it out loud to anyone
because you think to yourself...
"who is going to listen to me?"
and then to yourself you think
"nobody". . .
i found myself at a very early age....
but now i feel like i am lost again...in myself..
i know who i am... but i have changed now...
i promised myself that i never would and i broke that
i promised him i wouldn't change also. . .
if it was a good change, it wouldn't be so bad,
but i am not into this change...
i hate how jealous i have become towards everyone
i want to go back to what changed me & stop it so i can be ok
i want to restart everything...i want to be happy again...
i don't want to worry about her anymore
but how can you not feel rage when every problem is her fault?
last night nick said:
"the worst thing about exes is that you still remember them"
he's so right... mine do not really bother as much..
but his....especially 1, she kills me
i don't like that i have to get over someone
who was never mine, but still effects me all the time...
i get what hate is now... i thought i hated a lot of people,
but really...the only person i truely hate...is her.
she shouldnt be worth wanting to end my own life over..
on a happier note,
 me and nick had a funny conversation this morning
my crazy cute bf asked me :
what do girls act like when other girls poop at school
that totally distracted me while i was cramming xD
but it was funny and made my mood better
hahaha xD  ♥ ♥

here is what i had for dinner last night
chili three ways
they are so yummy :) one of my favs
especially with the sour cream on top
i get out of school at 11AM today
 because of exams
i cant wait to have the house to myself!
 i'm gonna surely dance alot~
and cook with no clothes on~ !!!
XD XD i'm just kidding!
..........or am i?

i really want chinese buffet soon~ ! 
spicey chicken w/lo mein, sushi and fortune cookies~ !
now that is my kind of restaurant!! xD
maybe if i have enough money after i buy my XBOX i will go~
 i have $! off coupon for dinner! hehehe
well that is all for now...
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