describing me.
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Saturday, February 26

new favorite outfit

Friday, February 25

STUPID BUS! and...a tattoo? :3

even though my hair is brown in it, i love this picture 
 ugh  (-_-) so incredibly tired right now
i slept oh so very nicely
until i woke up for school 
ahhhh i did not want to go at all! 
but i got my clothes on and started to leave
my tummy was hurting and stuff and i really wanted to stay home, 
but i have a test today and there's no way to make it up -_-
[and the teacher actually wouldnt let me finish my quiz, so i failed anyway! i am so angry! !!!]
today, i nearly missed the bus 
i went outside a little earlier than normal time,
and usually the bus comes at 6:41am...
so i waited...and waited...
and waited......
now it's 6:50 and still no bus  ahh
so i went back home, and asked my mom to take me to school
then, my sister left for her bus...and my mom said she saw a small bus behind it
i didn't think it was mine, because it was so late and i figured i missed it
and my mom marched out into the snow in her robe and hair wrap and stopped the bus to see if it was mine (._. '|l
and it was...we had a substitute driver -_-
when i got on everyone laughed at me D: i was so  with them 
so i was hoping to have a good weekend....
but i dont see that happening :/
doing lights for a magic show tomaro...
and my mom keep changing the day of grandma's birthday dinner -_- 
she changed it to today...but that would ruin my plan...
because today i wanted to get my first tattoo
i designed it :) i want it to be around my right ankle
i was going to very promptly tonight
i am trying to skip the dinner
xD i have been wanting this tattoo for a while, i finally decided to draw it out and scotty convinced me into it lol i'm going to see if the tattoo place near where we live is good, because if i don't go there, scotty wont come with me :(  because the good one we know of is far away..
so hopefully the place near is good
his friends are probably going with me but it would be wierd to go with his friends without him, ya no?
I will not forget the day when the sides were chosen
Me against me against...me
Clothing so drenched with sweat
and the teeth they were clenched
Who can I trust when I...

Grabbed hold my enemy's neck
and choked 'till he ceased
Blistered with disbelief I awake dead
And when I awoke I couldn't believe it was me
All the time it was me

So many times we smile in pride
Putting such faith in what we've accomplished
But minutes ago we were (minutes ago we were)
Slitting our wrists, running for sympathy 

that song makes me think about suicide and how it doesnt make sense, and how bad cutting is. especially the last verse.the chorus in the middle is just crazy, like he felt like a hypocrite and waned to kill his enemy for doing something he hated, but then realized he did the exact same thing and then realized he was the enemy.
sometimes people act like they're too good for other people because of all the good things they've done, but forget the times they were low and wanting to end their life and acting stand-offish and insensitive to them, when really they could help. thats what the last verse says to me.
i really love this song, it hit me at the show and i remembered all the words, and it was the first time i'd heard it.
well, i guess i'll do my work now...bye

Thursday, February 24

tired, PMS-ing, stupid jynxes and cute hair ^_^

i didn't bother doing anything to my hair this morning
i got almost no sleep so i'm tired 
all night i have been cramping and its evil! 
and i PMS'd too >_>
now i see the true reason why boys think girls are wierd xD
okay, so last night i made some noodles 
i was super hungry so it felt like a good idea, right?
apparently not xD
for some reason i got mad at my ramen and started yelling at it
then i flung my fork across my room and told it i was done with it's bullshit xD
then i stomped around the house angry about it and got a cup of fruit loops...then decided i didnt want them and put them in the refrigerator (? cereal doesnt go there...)
then i went back to my room to seek out my fork in my blind fury
so i looked everywhere for my fork but i couldnt find it!
i thought about eating the noodles with my hands but then i remembered that i was upset with them so i pouted and sat in the corner of my bed (this sounds so ridiculous lol)
after that i thought of different things i could eat with, but nothing really came up
then i saw something shiny and silver on the floor and was like omg its the fork! :D
i picked it up...and it was the eyelash curler 
so i threw it across the room because i was mad at it for not being a fork...and then i was picking up clothes trying to find it again and got hit in the face with a button on one of my pants so i got mad and threw all the clothes xD and yelled at them because...i can lol
then the only shiney thing on my bed was pink lipstick
i looked at it and got angry once again...and then blamed it for my PMS-ing
because the girlyer i get, the more i PMSso blame the lipstick! 
and of course...i threw it -_- lol -______- ; 
so i got sad, because the fork was being mean and wouldnt let me find it :(
and started wimpering in the corner of my bed because i was mad at the fork for not letting my find it and ultimately not eating the ramen -_-
this must be why boys don't like girls lol we're f@cking wierd! haha

what do you guys do when you pms?
i'm curious to know any funny stories :)


yesterday was in the middle of bad and okay :|
i saw jynxes from the very beginning of the day, not good ones
and much more prominent after school
school was going well, better than usual so i was hoping it was nothing
i had chocolate milk at lunch and chicken nuggets so all was good in my world at the moment
but i just knew something was up.
one of the girls in my class got a new nickname...
and i'm sure you can guess what it is if i hate it so much >_>
she got it because someone mispronounced her name
i was like nooooooo
so i had to hear it the whole day.
then in study hall i fell asleep and when i woke up i had a big blue mark on my cheek from my paper and i tried to whipe it off and i asked for a mirror and the letters left said "her" and freaked me out!!!!!
and in credit recovery i was in a section about the alamo and there's the name...i was like come on give me a break D:
after school i was talking to nick and he said that avenged sevenfold would be in helsinki, finland on november 22
i tried to stay cool about it though, but i was mad in my head
i had to go outside for a minute for that one + -_-) y~~~
i didn't want to fight so i didn't go off and we had a pleasant conversation :)
but of course, bad stuff happened to day -_- 
i found out someone was talking bad about me and i was extremely mad
i kinda already had a feeling, but i was seriously just pissed
if you're going to talk about me...don't do it to my best friend lol
nick will tell me whats going on, he's not one of those skep ass boys that let people talk shit about thier best friend or girlfriend, and i'm both
then i got a friend request from a girl who used to live here and is actually moving back to the part of the city i live in, who moved to florida a month ago...and somehow knows my old online friend Bella @_@
(you guys already know why we're not friends anymore lol)
i was like how in the name of my half puerto rican ass did you meet her?!
and i almost added her like months ago @_@ such a wierd coincidence
and of course, like a knew from all the signs... my koigataki called my nicko 
i'm glad he didn't answer...you guys remember how mad i was last time lol
i flipped shit like i was gonna kill a bitch lol never been so upset in my life
but he promised he wont talk to her...so i hope he keeps it
i trusted him last time...but i'll trust him again, he sounds like he really means it this time and doesnt want to mess up what we have
which makes me happy :) because i love him <3
we were talking about our future last night so that always makes me feel better about everything like no matter what mood i'm in, always gives me hope
so i believe him :)


 yesterday i had some fun with my hair
i think i like teasing it now xD it kinda looks cute ^_^
and i wore a headband, i bought a bunch at the dollar store :)
like the pixel heart? i think i want that tattooed somewhere really descreat, like behind my ear or something

also, soon planning to get a tattoo :)
i'm still drawing it out, but its gonna be cute :)
it's gonna be on my ankle.

also, will be posting some new drawings in a few hours so stay tuned ^_^

thanks for reading!
and tell me your PMS stories! xD

  x  o  ,  a  e  r  i  b  a  b  y   

Wednesday, February 23

sometimes its okay to cry

╔═════════════════ ೋღ  ღೋ ═══════════════════╗
 if you don't cry when you're supposed to, then you lose your ability to smile 
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everybody gets hurt...its not a foreign concept. its not wierd, or bad and it doesnt make you a pussy or weak if you get hurt. the part that hurts the most about getting hurt is that it seems like no one notices how bad except you.
there are just those days when you're feeling so bad already, when you're sick or maybe a nightmare and you're trying to get over it, but those are always the days that you get hurt the worst because you're an easy target, because you only have so many buttons and half of them are already pushed.  the second easiest time to get hurt is when you've either just got into a good mood or have been extremely happy the whole day, because then you're an easy target to anyone because you're happy and they might not be..because that's just how people are.
there are things that tick everybody off, maybe it's thier weight, maybe they don't like to be bothered or they have physical pains or handicaps that stop them from what they want, there's alot of pains and alot of extents of it, but what makes me really hurt is when people don't say sorry.
---------------i t s  n o t   a  g r u d g e---------------
if someone does something to you, and you're still mad at them and treat them bad even after they said sorry, then you're holding a grudge against them. if they did something to you and they don't say sorry...you have a reason to still resent the person.
that's how my brain works. whenever i do something to someone, i say sorry, whether its a little or big thing and i try to fix the problem, even if it wasn't my fault but they think it is, i still apologize for making them think that way even though it was an accident. like nick's ex girlfriend, i didn't really do anything to her but she was determined that i stole him from her and it took a pretty long time but i did say sorry to her, but she didn't forgive me...(another thing that hurts me, not being forgiven for something you didn't do at least not on purpose) and she never apologized to me at all and she's done alot of stuff. 
i was mean to one of my new freinds before i knew her and i had already planned on saying sorry, but i posted a status on facebook, (one of those i'll tell you something if you "like" the status games) and it was called "i've always wanted to tell you" so i apologized through that and she happily forgave me, which made me really happy :)
but so many people don't apologize for things, and it really hurts. when someone does something you, of course you're going to be angry with them and sad, and if they don't apologize then it's hard to stop feeling that way. when someone apologizes (without being called out) it shows that they care, they're owning up to what they did and apologizing to you for it, which makes both sides of the altercation better. i've always thought of an apology as the open door to healing. i guess as you can tell that i am a person who will not be the same towards the person that hurt me until they say they're sorry. because seriously, if you think about it, you don't want a "friend" that is not going to say sorry when they wrong you...a good friend would fix the problem and make sure you're okay.

f you don't cry when you're supposed to, then you lose your ability to smile

believe it or not, that quote is not from a book, or a movie, but it's from an anime. if anyone's ever watched Negima in japanese, this was a subtitle near the end of the first season.
i really think it's true too. i learned that on my own kind of. the quote doesnt mean your face goes all-waterfall if someone forgot the tilde in your last name, but it means if you're emotions are torn bad enough that you think you should cry, then you should...because when you're hiding your pain, your smiles turn fake, then fake smiles turn into fake grins, fake grins turn into smirks, that turn into a straight face and it becomes your only expression. if you don't let out your bad feelings, then your good one's have no room to come in.

so cry
then smile :)
it'll all be worth while
if not soon,
then eventually
happiness doesnt always come overnight.

x o x o , a e r i

Tuesday, February 22

my hair o_o is cut again xD

i got a hair cut on saturday and i like it alot ^_^
weekend didn't exactly go as planned but its gonna be good friday ^_^ cant wait
i havent been sleeping much >_>
not that i ever do haha but its been even less now
i keep waking up in the middle of the night and its making me very mad 
last night i was bored when i woke up (at f***ing 3am xD)
so i was curious what my hair would look like teased
not bad i guess xD but it takes too long >_>
i probably wont do that very often if not at all haha
i've been very hungry lately, which angers me
because we have only ramen at my house right now xD
who wants to live off of ramen? ...when you have no bread?!
haha i hate wheat bread, the texture is blehh
and it doesnt taste good toasted, not even with butter and jam
and usually applebutter can make anything better, but not wheat bread >_>
it will always be gross Dx
i know its "good for me" but my body is already healthy
noodles are supposed to be good for gaining weight ^_^
i weigh better now so i like that :)
all of my weight went to my face and my butt though -___-
but nick doesnt seem to mind >_>
hahaha i know, too much information!
i will never fully understand what is so good about a big butt
it cushions you when you fall?
i guess that's it haha not so sure;
well that's all for now   

X O . M R . S U P E R D R E A M Y ♥

thats my scotty :) super sexy in a leather jacket~
and that hair o_o wooh! *drools*
i miss him alot >_< i wanted to see him this weekend but we didn't get to :( and monday we were going to because we were off school but it rained us out (super mad! )
just look at him (but not too hard he's mine xD) he's soooo pretty @_@ those dreamy eyes and muscular shoulders and a sweet smile to top it at all off~ ahh ♥
thats my baby ♥ a.k.a. mr. superdreamy!
i actually screenshotted that off of skype when we were on cam the other day~
i love video chatting with him ^_^ he makes cute faces and blows me kisses
sometimes he puts his hair in a ponytail to tease me -_- i get frustrated! xD you would too if you saw him with a ponytail! he has sexy ears =)
sometimes i really don't know why he puts up with me :/ because i am so jealous all the time and makes us both mad. but i can't help feeling that way sometimes...if you have been with someone this long and been through so much, you just cant help it :( of course it makes me sad. i'm in love and i don't want to lose him, it's not like i get jealous on purpose and i dont want to be jealous, i just am :( and i'm sorry..
when we're together i always feel so happy...like the whole world is standing still just for us. when i look into his eyes i see my whole world coming together and imagine our future and all of the great places we could go, when he smiles i just fall apart. i hold him tight and he holds me and everything is okay again ♥ i love when he touches me and kisses my nose :) his hugs are my favorite and what i miss the most is being physically together. it's the best feeling to actually be with him. as i just said, it makes me feel beyond amazing. it always takes me back to the beginning and feels like we just saw eachother yesterday.
i know he probably thinks i make no sense sometimes but i can never get my words together and sound crazy :( i midd him so much and i just feel really lost without him...
i know alot of girls who always say "i hate when girls are so dependant on thier boyfriends, they should get a best friend." and say that they should have a best friend they count on more...but i think thier minds are a little bit out of order if they're not best friend with thier boyfriend. if he's your best friend, then there is nothing wrong at all. scotty is my best friend so of course i'm dependant on him just like any other person would depend on thiers. the funny thing is that all the people that say that are 2 faced and aren't even a good friend in the first place! i love my best friend :) and the best part about mine, is that we're best friends forever. which is exactly what everyone should be looking for in a partner ^_^
someone who will do everything with you, be silly, take pictures, even trade video games, that you can take with you and meet your families and always have something to talk about but still have kisses and hugs and special moments ♥
that's what makes our relationship so amazing and great, that we're friends and always have been :)
being friends makes it easier to talk no matter what the subject. if he was just a boyfriend, it would probably be hard to talk about problems and probably hard to talk about happy things too...but if you're friends its fun and so much easier to talk about everything.
usually when i hear people talk about thier boyfriend, they say things like "he doesnt understand me at all!" and "he's so complicated and doesn't care about anything!" i dont think they realize that they've got the boy and forgot the friend! the friend cares, the friend understands, and everyone is complicated but the friend will try to get you and make you more simple. which is why i love nick so much and love being with him because he knows how important it is to have both of those :) which makes him perfect for me ♥

thanks for everything baby you mean so much to me ♥
you're the best boyfriend and going to be the best husband me or anyone could ever ask for!
i feel really lucky to have you :) and i still kinda laugh at how we met
"you had me at hairy nipples"
and you "fell in love in the middle of a frontside flip"
hahaha you are amazing :)

i'm sorry for getting jealous so much, you just really mean alot to me

p.s. i'm getting impatient about giving you your valentines day card! its pretty :( lol
p.s.s you called me my real name yesterday o_o and you made me up a nickname but never call me it xDD

i love you ♥

x o , a e r i ♥
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