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Friday, March 18

Drawing - La Luna

inspired by the song Luna by Juanes. colored in photoshop cs3
original drawing pic posted below ~~~

Drawing - Anime Self Portrait

didnt even forget my ear ring :)

Drawing - Self Portrait

i only drew this out of boredome...i wasnt really trying, was bored in study hall one day.

Drawing - Me, Katlin and Kelsey

a drawing from a couple months ago of my and 2 of my school friends

my grandma...

i really love her dearly...the only way to explain it
she was my best friend
this week i have gotten to talk to her for half an hour every morning
and it really does make me feel better
i love hearing about my mom when she was little and her brothers, what a sweet childhood they seem to have had
one person who i had always been curious about was my uncle Willy
he was killed about 10 years before i ever was even thought of, so i never did get to meet him but according to my grandma and mom and uncle charlie, i am just like him.
"you would have loved him" grandma always said.
my mom always said he was mean, but grandma and charlie always said differently...they make him sound so amazing because he probably was. my mom is the grudging type...which is why she doesnt like me as much, because she always says i remind her alot of willy and my dad, and she grew to not like either of them because of "things they did to her".
"he had this power about him, to make people do things without physically making them do it"
my grandma said she was too passive sometimes about things like cleaning up and putting things away and didnt like to make my mom do it because she actually liked to do them herself anyway, but willy knew that she should and would get mami to put her stuff away.
gma said the only thing she didnt agree with about willy was that he didnt want my mom to pursue a dance career, he said to her to do it as a hobby instead and he was going to turn her into a computer wiz so she could be prosperous in the future.
my grandma believes in people following thier dream and always told my mom to do what she wanted when it came to what she loved. she even offered litterally dozens of times to build my mom her own dance studio in or out of thier house so she would always be able to practice and dance but my mom refused. i think that if she hadnt refused she could have made it professionally...but she refused.
and willy was right...she would have been rich. she used to learn so fast and she didnt make it in dance. if she had got the job as a computer specialist and followed what he said, my mom would have lots of money and probably still be a part time dancer. i wish she would have listened but she was too busy being mad.
i hate that my mom wouldnt let my grandma influence our lives like she could have. i honestly think i would be so much happier and better off with everything. she is an amazing person...i would be honored if she had raised me
i think she is the most influential woman in my life
for most people its thier mom...for me its my grandma :)
im glad i got to know her and hopefully she'll be around to know my children when i have them
i want to be more like her, if i could be anyone in the world
i think i would want to be my grandma
she has lived a full life and i know when she does pass, she will be proud of herself and i will be too
im gonna remember  everything she's taught me
i love her :) <333

why do people make fun of other people?

i always wondered since i was a kid. i was always getting made fun of by people when i was little...particially because i was little, smaller than everyone else by alot. i was really really skinny and everyone thought i was wierd so they all made fun of me.
its annoying and upsetting when people poke fun at you just for being you...i used to try to be like everyone esle when i was little hoping that it would stop but it didnt. i never really got it. i didnt make fun of people and i tried hard to be nice to everyone but nothing helped, but i couldnt get it out of me to be mean to them so it kept going. i was also only black person in my school for a little while and when i got to a school with black people, i acted different than all of them and then they made fun of me too. even when i got a group of friends i was still always the odd one out, but at least they liked me for it. it just never felt like i really fit in anywhere. i did like going to art club though, all of the people there (probably because they're artists) accept everyone as soon as they come in and make them feel at home. unfortunately i had to stop going because no one could take me home.
i kind of make fun of people sometimes now but i can stop myself. i dont think its very nice :/ i always say sorry to them even if they dont know i did it, because you might not know what they're going through or what goes through their head and it might actually be hurting them and i understand that which is why i always feel bad.
when people make fun of someone else, the person gets self concious and that's never really a good thing, bcoz when u make fun of someone they might not have noticed what you said about them until you said it and when it rubs them in the face they try to remove and when they cant they feel bad about themself.
maybe ppl do it to make themself feel better...maybe they just like to see people feel bad :/ i dont really know but even something as little as being poked fun at can change someones whole life. because when i really think about it my entire childhood would have been different if people hadnt been mean to me and that means i would probably been different as a teenager and a young adult right now. if you really think about it...

sleepy >_< and a little story about me and showers

not entirely sure what to blog about....
i'm tired, but if i dont wake up now then i'll be sleep the whooole schoolday
and i have in-class projects so i cant really do that right now lol
pretty much the whole week i have been feeling sick
and i cant sleep really...takes forever to fall asleep
then when i'm supposed to wake up, thats when i fall asleep -_-
it angers me ~~ i hate to wake up late
or do anything late >_<
and since school doesnt start till 10:00 this week
it makes me feel even later!
which is a nuisance =.=
right now i'll share something kind of funny with you all
it all started when i was maybe 6 years old...
little asha (my kid nickname from my dad) liked to play in dirt
and touch animals and eat messy, draw all over everything and ride bikes
but when it came to 7:30 and it was time to take a shower...she would run downstairs and hide in the toybox
why was this?
because little asha hated showers
after a while, mami found asha and had to lock the toybox before dinner so she couldnt get in
and there was no where else for asha to go, except the bathroom...
either for a spanking for not taking the shower, or take the shower.
asha would step into the shower, and crouch down in the triangle under the shower head where no water dripped down  and then at the end she would wash her hands, feet and bottom really fast and just stand there for a few seconds to make it seem like she took the shower
until one day, we got sheer curtains...and my mami figured out asha's devious plan
after the shower she got a whoopin' and cried for hours and didnt get dinner
after about a week of this she had to make a plan
every single day since that day, she has done that plan
what's the plan?
every day, find 5 reasons to clean yourself
i told you i was someone who always needed a reason..even back then xD
throughout the day, asha would come up with 5 reasons to shower
some such as cooties, "april showers bring may flowers" (hoping that if i showered more then there would be flowers in my garden xD) touching a paper after the boy who picked his nose, eating food off the ground, my stuffed animals farting on me, riding on the swing after the girl that stole my "boyfriend" xD ridiculous but it worked :)
and i still do it today!
sometimes i come up with ridiculous reasons
but if they get me clean, let it happen xD

well now you know xD

Songs Left Unexplained #11 - Come Clean

This song is by eisley. i have been listening to them since i was 10 years old and generally intrigued by thier songs and voices. alot of thier lyrics, i didnt understand until recent years. this song, i relate to now and never really did although i tried before. here are the lyrics and my explanations in black..

Mister, I don't believe in you
Mister, I don't believe in you

you like me? i dont believe you. how could someone perfect like you love someone like me?
Just come clean all around me
just tell me exactly how you really feel and show me all of you
With your headbleeds and your nosebleeds, too

headbleeds-your counterpart. and my* noesbleeds too
I don't see that there's a truth
In the way you're talking to me

i'm not sure if you mean it or not but i do...
But let's give it a try
Let's keep it for truth

i think i've found true love, so lets give it a shot Why do you want to fall to pieces?
you used to treat my like you didnt want me, why would you do that? why would you want to break your own heart?
Let's give it a try
Let's keep it for truth

really try for me and i promise it'll be good
And come clean all around me

show me the real you
And come clean all around me, oh

show me all of you

Mister, I don't believe in you
Mister, I don't believe in you

is everything you say about me really true? With the way you're talking to me
Oh, it's so soothing
its sweet to know you think so

And let's give it a try
Let's keep it for truth
Why do you want to fall to pieces?

we'll always be true, dont push me away...i'll always be here Let's give it a try
Let's keep it for truth
And come clean all around me
And come clean all around me

Would you come clean all around me?

tell me every thing you ever hid from me Just come clean all around me, oh
show me everything and i promise nothing will change

Listen to me
You pull me apart

sometimes you say hurtful things, but i know its not really you And I know it wasn't you
'Cause you were not there
And why do you feel sorry?

^speaks for itself

Let's give it a try
Let's keep it for truth

its okay, i told you i'll always be here Why do you want to fall to pieces?
i'll put you back together if you do
Let's give it a try
Let's keep it for truth

everything's gonna be okay
And come clean all around me
And come clean all around me

and dont be afraid ♥

Would you come clean all around me?
Just come clean all around me, oh

Come clean all around me
Come clean all around me
Would you come clean all around me?
Just come clean all around me, oh

like most of thier songs, it is very calm and sweet. often thier lyrics have double meanings which makes it easier to create your own, which i think artists want you to do with thier music anyway. this song could be sad, or mean or sweet or whatever you want depending on how you think of it. i think its loveing
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