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Friday, August 13

:( i dont know if i can do it...

i've never really been confident...at all...with anything. i try so hard to hide it but i stopped hiding. all of my insecurities are out in the open and pointed out at me every day. i hate it.. even a 13 year old can hurt my feelings and i'm almost grown. i am almost 18 years old and a child can hurt me. i am too sensitive...i always have been...and i despise it. one of the things i hate about myself the most. 
people always tell me that i'm pretty and nick tells me all the time, i believe that they do think that, i know he does at least...sometimes its hard to tell if people are saying it because they want me to edit something or help them out or if they actually think i am pretty. but no matter how much they tell me i still dont see myself as pretty. i think i look ok on some days and i try to act confident but it sucks that i have to act...i want to really be able to think im pretty without doubting myself.
i even look like a kid. i hate it, its so embarrassing...i wish i just looked like i want to look..if my nose was pointed a little and my eyes were a little bigger at least...i wish i had thinner lips so i can make kissy faces in pictures without looking fat. lighter eyes so they stand out with my black hair and dark skin and thinner eyebrows so i looked more feminine..at least have both of my lips the same color. i mean, i really am not happy with the way i look or feel about myself, i wish i was but i dont know how to be and it sucks...
he said if i cant get over my insecurities then im gonna have to get over him...
i dont know what to do :( what if i cant do it...thats the scary realness about this is that i might never be happy with myself or confident about my looks, but i dont want to lost him no doubt i dont. i just really hope i can get confident i just really need him to be patient..this could take a while..
[i think im going to break my own heart]

1 comment:

Aidyl said...

Oww...that's such a difficult situation. Insecurities are so difficult to get rid of.
I have the same problem. I always think I'm not good enough for my boyfriend and it causes us lots of problems and he really wants me to be confident.

Dont give up!
You are the one Nico chose! right?
He loves you for the person you are!
You dont need a pointy nose or bigger eyes. It wouldnt be the same you.

I know it's hard, but try to fight those insecurities.
For example, whenever I feel insecure and question if Im good enough, I try to immediately ban that thought and think of a happy moment, when my boyfriend showed me just how much he loves me, instead.

Don't give up! =)

And by the way,
I think you are beautiful too.
I like your lips.
Mine look like they are dissapearing into my face kinda..=___=

Looking forward to your next post!!

(and sorry if this comment got mixed up or maybe weird...im sleepieee~~~)

Nite~nite~! =)

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