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Sunday, June 12

it always feels like the world's out to get me;

it's so hard to figure out whether this summer is bad or not. there's alot of good, nick passed all of his classes, i'm so proud of him. that means he doesnt have summer school, which means i get to see him alot this summer. we've been hanging out more. we saw eachother a couple days ago and even though it was only for a few hours, they were fun. amazing. close. we talked about things we dont normally talk about, and in a different way than we usually talk...it was enchanting. any time talking to him in person, feels so much more comfortable rather then when we're on the phone.

so, what could possibly go wrong?

3 of his close friends arrested, 1 in jail, the other has been caught yet and the other got bailed out -and also has a child on the way with a girl who i wouldnt necessarrily call my friend, but will now be around forever....ever...ever..ever.
but you guys know me better than that, just because i dont like her doesnt mean i dont care. if there is a person, and you know them, and they are about to have a child, and the dad cant be there. and they're the type of person who would get overwhelmed easily by default - a baby not making anything easier. she just got the first pictures of her baby. her dad finally decided to step in and support her after he realized he was a hypocrite because he had a child at her age too. in a couple of weeks, she finds out the gender. and this morning, she finds out the father of her child has done something - well, stupid - and went to jail.
someone had to talk to her, i was really worried about her and her baby. i heard that when the mother is stressed or upset, it takes a toll on the child, which can also harm the mother... and also knowing of things she's done before, even threatening her own life. she cries alot and stresses easily...a situation like hers this morning would make anyone flip thier lid a little, but because of how she is, it could have been worse for her than others. nick talked to her to make sure she was alright and not doing anything dumb, and he said she "yelled" at him over text. kind of ungrateful of her...seeing that she's lucky that anyone actually cares or thought to check on her :/ especially me, after all the out of line things she said to me and the dirty looks she's been giving me since she starting coming around what was my new group of friends. and i thought i was jealous...she's worse than me...i stopped being completely nice to her because i was tired of her getting whatever she wants, so i pretty much mocked her to her face and she acted confused, i thought in my head "now do you get how crazy you seem sometimes?" she was asking if MY boyfriends parents knew if she was pregnant, i'm thinkin "why would that matter? he's MY bf?..." her bf's parents dont even know yet. she was saying how she "felt so awkward being in nicks house because she doesnt know how his parents feel about it or if they know" so i pulled a *le gasp* oMg u Wer In HiZ hOuSe? he didnt tell me that!! ugh!! *fake sad/mad face* -ramble ramble mumble mumble- and she was trying to defend herself like "but my bf was over there!! blah blah blah" and i just kinda laughed...cuz in reality i didnt care, cuz i know her bf had to be over there, he wouldnt let her at nicks without him.
this week i know of 2 girls, one asks if she and her friend can come swim at my bf's house at 11pm. i'm not stupid. i know she's a whore, everyone does...by experience i'm sure. last year she tried to kiss my boyfriend, and its his ex too. i'm not retarded, last year she comes to his house with a bunch of people, wearing no underwear, now you wanna come show off your bikini to him. he said "idc" and went to sleep. they came over and text him like he cared LOL said they'd leave if he didnt come out...he was too busy dreamin about me, SORRY BITCHEZ :P
another girl texts him tonight...says she is in a "touchy feely mood" lives right up the street for the part of the summer only...has been trying to get in his pants for years...he's known her forever, but idc, he's mine...she has no right to be saying that stuff to him...but i always wonder what he says to a text like that...does he say "no i'm engaged" or "i'm taken" or mention me at all?...for some reason i dont think he would mention me...which saddens me...because yeah its good you reject her, but not mentioning you have a gf makes it seem like you're available which means she can try all she wants...but it isnt the case...

it's like, why do people target me? why dont they do this to someone else's bf? why do people
have to mess up MY summer? i know that i sound selfish...but i think i deserve it.
i passed all my classes.
i am looking for a job.
i have been a loyal partner.
i have been very patient.
i have tried my best to understand things.
i worked hard.
i did my best.
i made it through hard times.
i made it through last summer.
i made it through this year.
i think i deserve to have my perfect summer.

i dont want any distractions, i just want my love. like i did when i truely loved for the first time 2 summers ago... i felt the magic again in the smell of the air, because a couple of weeks before summer started, we got a wiff of the air of our first summer. and he said we would make this summer better than the first. that sets the bar high, and i was looking really foreward to it. but now...is it possible?

i'm happy right now, but there's one thing on my mind. it's all i can think about and makes me want to cry...i dont when i'm around him, but as soon as i go home now, it's all i think about. i choke up about it, because it's one of those things that i fear.. and i dont want to talk about it..
until later...xo, aeri baby


konayachi-nyan said...

Berry chan!! I know how you feel, Do I sound annoying when I said this?

Well... I couldn't say much because I think that girl is at a very disadvantage situation right now, which if I were you, I can't stand hating her because I feel so pity for her. But you're sometimes right... She has no right staying at your bf's house. Eventhough she makes any excuses but that's still unforgiveable.

That's my opinion. And I tell you that I also have things like this on me and makes me cry all days... Hope we can chat sometimes and I hope to hear from you soon!<3

xo; konayachi

makeupandmusic said...

where you been girly??????? I been waiting for you on Skype! you like disappeared!

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