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Saturday, July 2

"from now on, we're just going to be d*cks to anyone that wants our help" [a fill-in-the-blanks update]

this is supposed to be happy times. lately i have only told you all about the good times of this summer, then left out the bad things, and they're worse than you think sort of bad.

basically, we've spent our anniversarry week helping someone who didnt even want it and almost breaking up and getting mad at eachother and being stuck in the middle of another couple's drama.

started on saturday. all that week, i'd been so happy and so excited. the corpus christi festival was saturday and i just couldnt wait! i wanted to go so badly with nick, because we did the first year, we didnt get to last year because it got messed up... so i couldnt wait for this year. i was on the phone with him and he had mentioned it a couple of times so i was really really hopeful and more excited because i was thinking to myself "i think it's really happening!!!" i was on the phone with him and his phone rang and he answered. while he still had me on the phone, i heard a girl's voice... i didn't know who's so i assumed it was his ex, because he used to always answer her and what other girl would call him? after a while, he set the phone on his dresser so i couldnt hear anymore... which made me feel wierd.. so i IM'd him on the chat on teamviewer (a thing where you can see the person's desktop and chat and webcam at once we use it all the time to share with eachother and watch things together at our houses when we're apart) because it wouldnt make a loud sound (whenever he gets an IM on msn his computer screams BUST THAT A$$ lol!) and he didn't answer me...so i tried and again and again and again... still no answer... so i really truely thought he was talking to agi until i could hear nick a little and noticed it was actually maryrose, his best friend's gf and an aquaintence of mine, we used to hang out alot. i was so mad that he actually answered her and when he finally replied to me all he said was "hold on" and he hung up on me without any notice. i got really upset and i was freaking out. if i did this to him he would have dumped me, and he wouldnt hang up. after a about an hour of watching him talk to her, not knowing what she's saying or he's saying, i really was upset, seeing him seldom smile as he talked to her really hurt me. our anniversarry was in 5 days and it was the anniversarry of our unnoficial first date that day, i couldnt believe he would ever talk to another girl on a day as special as this, especially not after last year. he got off teamviewer, so now i couldnt see him or hear him. it felt like he was hiding it from me, because he got off, so i couldnt see him or his desktop, so i'm like "why are you hiding?" in my head and it was so suspicious to me and it upset me so bad, they were on the phone for hours. i IM'd him on msn and he finally talked to me back. then he told me he got off the phone, and then he left to his friend's house he said... i later on found out he actually didnt talk to larry..... nick didnt text me back all day and night he would only say "i love you" whenever i expressed any negative feeling, which honestly just tells me he's doing something he knows is hurting me.
he missed our date.
i stayed up all night waiting for him to call me.
no call.
i fell asleep for an hour, then woke up and just laid there.
at 5 am i finally get a call from him. i texted him and honestly didn't think in a million years he'd reply at 5 in the morning, he wont even stay up with me till midnight, rarely even 11. but i got an answer.
he said "you're gonna think it was the worst thing ever, but maryrose just left my house"
first the shock hit me. the shock that he was awake, then the shock that he really had her there, the shock that he stayed up that late for her, that she practically spent the night at his house, the shock that i started balling my eyes off and him not saying a word and hanging up, then i just went insane in my house. i cried and cried because i was so pissed and sad and it really broke my heart that he would do that to me and it made me want to hate him because he knew it was wrong and he would hate me forever if i did that to him. i was so insanely mad. i didn't sleep at all.
when i went to church i didn't go in, i sat in the car the whole entire time. i turned off my phone except for when i wrote a song on it, which only took about 2 minutes and recorded it on there, then turned it off again. when i got home i got nick's i'm sorry message begging me not to hate him. he knows i wont ever hate him, but he knows that when he does something like this that i want to. he apologized and promised me he'd make up for it..........
we hung out all week, but it's like it was all about her. everytime we were doing something, she called. and cried. and called. and called to cry. i was very annoyed, irritated, agitated, aggravated, and pretty much any other word you can think of, with the situation. we went out of our way and happiness to go help her out. to "be there for her" and tell her what's going on when she's not around. which was sorta wrong in a way.
thursday i think, was the big drama day. larry was with another girl and i told her she was there so she could go and face the problem head on. so she did. we heard so much screaming and yelling through the window. everyone who's anyone in the group of friends ( i refer to as "the army" ) was there. coming in order, to back up larry. some people just came, and were neutral. some were on his side, some were on hers. i remember seeing her screaming and smashed up against the window. after everything inside, she was crying alot and he was even bribing her to leave with 100$ she finally sped away and 2 ppl followed her to ride home with her to make sure nothing bad happens.
i texted her twice asking if she was alright. no answer.
nick texted her the same thing, immediate response.
what i thought at that point: you're the same. you didn't change as much as they say. you're just like i said you are. and just like you yourself said you are. you hate all girls. i'm not dumb. when he told me you were talking to him about him cleaning your room and wanting to shop for baby clothes, then you telling me your own self that you wish larry was more like nick, that you want larry to act like nick, proved me right in my head. you cant replace him, at least not with my nicko. you were really backhanded to me, just like before. you apologized for EVERYTHING, and said how sorry you felt, and we talked like friends, you even asked me to hang out and i almost did. you said: "I'm here crying my eyes out about larry spending time with another girl and how bad i feel about it and jealous and like hate him, and here i am with nick...doing the same thing to you" and you said you were sorry. i tried to make you feel better, saying it was a different situation. but, it's really not. larry's freaked out that you're pregnant and he got arrested and you fight with him all the time, so now he's not paying as much attention to you like he should be, but he's spending time with another girl because of it and "doesnt even like her" and calls larry her "best friend" code word for "guy thats not my bf cuz i already have one but that im gonna touch and flirt with anyways even tho his gf is pregnant." you're freaked out because you're pregnant and he's with another girl doing the same things with her that he did with you, and calling another guy constantly, 30 times to be exact, and crying to him talking about your baby and wanting him to do daddy-like things wit you. wanting nick to be "there for you" basically, code word for "temporary boyfriend." which means you're no different than larry is. you're doing the same thing.... and me, you're just backhanded to me ---and nick.
yesterday: horrible. long and horrible. she makes us come down more than once. the last time because he was hitting her, then he left. and about half an hour after she says "come here right now" she finally comes outside. crying. we walk her to nicks after talking about what happened to her. it happened last night and the morning. we brought her into nicks house while she was crying and freaking out. she was crying insanely, just hysterically. saying everything we already know and heard over and over again. nick hates crying. i was so jealous that she gets to cry to him and i dont. why does she get the privelage? anyway, we gave her advice. loads of it and all of it was right and good. nicks dad came home and also talked to her. wen her bf came home, we took her to her car, drove  her there to make sure he didnt see her. then she went home.
---and does exactly the opposite of all the advice we told her.
we were pissed.
we wasted our time, time that was really precious for us. our anniversarry of the day we said i love you, was spent helping someone who needed it but didnt even want it. she just went and done the exact same thing she was doing before. she just wanted attention and people to vent to, she didnt actually want the help.
i think all of her feelings are true, about how bad she feels and hating everything because of that other girl, because i have felt that way before....and because she is pregnant, it amplifies everything. i wish it amplified your intuition when it comes to listening to people -_-

yesterday:
turns out we got throught to her that day after all. and that's all i'll say. i'm glad she did the right thing. i still dont want to be in that big dramatic mess though. i hope she takes every single thing we said to her and uses it to her advantage. it came out of the good of our hearts.
if there's a God, i think he should bless us for our effort and the amounts of time we sacraficed for her, and i really hope it's worth it. she apologized to us and we assured that we dont hate her.
i think things will be better from now on. i just realy hope she goes to the doctor as soon as she can. i hope the baby is okay after all of this. and i hope larry doesnt do anything stupid to make things worse...
last i heard he got kicked out of his house. he;ll be fine i think, he has alot of friends. i'm much more worried about her than him though. her health is more important than anything.
i think everything going to get better if she really does what we say.
hopefully it does.

i want to get on with my happy summer :)
and i plan to.


2 comments:

konayachi-nyan said...

Never thought it's going to be hard on you! Cheer up! If this really disturbs you, just think : Nick is mine, and she's his nothing! So I hope it will calm you :)

makeupandmusic said...

Hey girl whats up? I'm missing a Skype buddy and Oscar and I are thinking of going to Clippard park soon. Meet up?

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