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Monday, March 15

i dont fit in.

its true, i dont.
i realized this a long time ago...
early on in gradeschool i realized i was "wierd"
people called me wierd all the time
i guess thats understandable...
i was the girl who thought even the ugliest dinosaur was cute
when i got to 6th grade i switched schools,
then there were different people...
they thought i was even wierder than the people before thought
middle school wasnt any better but i did find people who accepted my wierdness
in highschool all of my friends that i made graduated my freshman year
and i do have friends in my class but not many
last year wasnt too bad because i had a friend by my side the whole year
she goes to a different school now...
and then i had alot of senior friends who graduated that year also
this year i have come to school and still have some friends
but lost almost all of the ones i had in middle school
who were the most important people to me..
i dont fit in with one half of my family, and its the family that is always around
its really depressing to be sitting at a family reunion at a table by yourself
the other side of my family, i dont get to see much


i have only a few close friends and i have a boyfriend who is also my best friend

and alot of my "close" friends have almost nothing in common with me, we just get along really well
and they also dont really hang out with me either
the only person i hang out with is Nick, who i dont get to see as much now..

its not like i mean to be wierd, this is just how i am
i like different things than most people,
i think differently than most people (&they dont know the half of it)
i dont necessarily look like other people either...

its tough when you even look different
people have told me they know im not going to be typical just because of the way i look

the only bad part about that, is that its not usually a not-typical that people like
it frustrates me so much that i cant hang out with people just because im different and they dont like it..
i cant stand it!!

it really makes me hate myself more than people imagine
its so frustrating not being able to do things and i HATE being alone
i am always at my house alone
not because i choose to be, but because i have no where to go
i dont have a friend's house to go to
i dont have money to go places
i cant drive anywhere & if i could i have no car
and i dont have friends that drive

sometimes i really want to bash my head into the concrete until blood pours out of my head so that maybe just then i can knock some sense into myself. so then maybe i can finally stop being so wierd and be normal like everyone else. i dont want to be me anymore...why would i want to be someone i hate.

see  what some of my friends had to say
(click to enlarge)

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