Dear Nick,

I don’t know why im doing this, but I am. Sometimes I feel really hopeless and scared and this is one of those times. I love you and I need you so much, I wish I could really tell you to the extent that I do.. but its so hard to do… I guess these are the things that I’m too scared to say.

                I miss you. I saw you for a second today but I missed you. And I still miss you now. i want to see you all the time this summer just like you said we would…I don’t have much longer before I leave for Texas and I want to spend all the time I can with you, I don’t care what we do or where we go as long as I can see your face or hold your hand or even just know you’re there, I just want you here. I only ask people to hang out because that’s what you want me to do…i don’t want to hang out with anyone but you really right now. you’re still the only one on my mind. Even if I’m hanging out with other people, the only person on my mind is you. Remember the movie “Bridge To Terabithia?” what happened to us promising to always being with each other and making sure each other is safe?...you’re my best friend, I never want to be without you and I don’t want anything bad to happen to either of us. I will still keep my promise whether or not you choose to…

                You said that our relationship didn’t matter with the band…the whole reason I wanted to do this band with you is because we are friends and we work so well together, and I knew it would work with us. And it did, we did the cover ourselves and it sounded so good (the parts we did) and I felt so confident playing around you and with you because you think im good and always tell me how good I am and make me feel like I can really do it, and you play so well…it’s just what I needed. I wish we could still do Northern Thorns at least, because that would work. I love to make music and I want to make it with you, I hope you can find it in you to want to, too. I’d be so sad if you sold your drums. I know you said you hate them, and I know its annoying to always have people wanting you to play.

                I know you’ve been mean the past couple days but I still, honestly, don’t think you’re a d*ck. For the majority of our time together, you have been so incredibly sweet. You’ve done things for me that any girl could only dream of. Everyone hears about all the amazing things you’ve done for me and the things you say and the ways you show you love me and everyone is always like “wow, I wish I had that.” You’re right I like the attention. I love the attention of being able to go to your things at school like games and have everyone already know my name and I like the attention that your dogs will come up to me and let me pet them. I love that people wish they had what we do because I know how special it is and everyone can see it. A lot of people don’t believe in true love and I almost stopped believing but you changed my mind in a second and in 19 days my mind will have been changed for a year and two weeks.

                Now I’m bragging…I have the popular guy who everyone knows. I have the guy that looks better than everyone else’s. I have the guy that will hold my hand infront of his friend and doesn’t care what people think about it. I have the best friend that wont let anyone make fun of me. I have the boyfriend who wont flirt with my friends. I have the boyfriend that doesn’t mind that im weird will be weird right along with me. I have the coach I need to push me through anything I need to get through and make sure I get through it. I have the happy thought to think of in the morning and the call to put me to sleep. i have never had a friend or anyone who has voluntarily cared for and about me as much as you do.

                You really are everything I need… to sum it all up: the care of a father, the protectiveness of a brother, the closeness of a childhood friend, the motivation of a coach, the understanding of a therapist, the comfort of a best friend , the fun of a boyfriend and the love of a husband. God has blessed me with you and you don’t need your glasses on to see that. I still fall in love with you over and over each time I think of you even when you’re being mean. Do you get it now? You are everything to me, THIS is why I need you. everything I have missed out on and everything I need to know…you tell me. I know you want the best for me and so do I, that’s why I wont settle for anything less than the best. And you’re the best.

                I will still do anything for you just like I said, and I will love you forever and I will never leave you. I’m here whenever yo need me and I promise I will…I want us to have everything we planned on and I know I will be able to make you happy. I can be the best person for you and I will show you that I love you every single day in every possible way I can until the day I die.i will make it my oath to you to be able to give you just as much as you have given me and one day I will make it all up to you.

                Its true, I do shed tears when I write to you and its not because im sad but because I’m grateful to have you and im scared to lose you. when I think about you I just want to hold you and be with you and I never want this to end.

I don’t even know if you’ll read this or not…               

I know you’re getting bored and I don’t want you to be…

If you read this and it really means something to you…call me and have the first thing you say is “Baby, I love you”