meep,

i look scared because i am

i cant even tell my journal how i feel without it judging me now, now that's bad 

it feels like this summer is only going to get worse for me,  

i hate school, but i've never been so excited to go back. 

nothing is going my way at all and i cant make it 

i've always thought more of others than myself,  

but i've been alone so much 

 that i'm actually starting to think about myself and what i want 

...and i dont like it at all 

i need to be distracted constantly to keep my mind off of things that i dont want to happen 

and i cant help but listen to the voices in my head when no one else is around because i just want someone to talk to me that badly 

[i hate to be alone] 

i try to sleep alot so i can pass the time and forget 

but then i wake up from another bad dream and stare at the celing and remember

no one is here.

and it's not even bad dreams, it's different..but always the same,

like its having a dream that you woke up and checked your phone then saw something and went back to sleep

then really wake up and i check and its not what i saw in the dream..its frustrating

i just wanna sleep and wake up normally

is that much to ask? i want to be okay again :(