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Wednesday, February 23

sometimes its okay to cry

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 if you don't cry when you're supposed to, then you lose your ability to smile 
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everybody gets hurt...its not a foreign concept. its not wierd, or bad and it doesnt make you a pussy or weak if you get hurt. the part that hurts the most about getting hurt is that it seems like no one notices how bad except you.
there are just those days when you're feeling so bad already, when you're sick or maybe a nightmare and you're trying to get over it, but those are always the days that you get hurt the worst because you're an easy target, because you only have so many buttons and half of them are already pushed.  the second easiest time to get hurt is when you've either just got into a good mood or have been extremely happy the whole day, because then you're an easy target to anyone because you're happy and they might not be..because that's just how people are.
there are things that tick everybody off, maybe it's thier weight, maybe they don't like to be bothered or they have physical pains or handicaps that stop them from what they want, there's alot of pains and alot of extents of it, but what makes me really hurt is when people don't say sorry.
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if someone does something to you, and you're still mad at them and treat them bad even after they said sorry, then you're holding a grudge against them. if they did something to you and they don't say sorry...you have a reason to still resent the person.
that's how my brain works. whenever i do something to someone, i say sorry, whether its a little or big thing and i try to fix the problem, even if it wasn't my fault but they think it is, i still apologize for making them think that way even though it was an accident. like nick's ex girlfriend, i didn't really do anything to her but she was determined that i stole him from her and it took a pretty long time but i did say sorry to her, but she didn't forgive me...(another thing that hurts me, not being forgiven for something you didn't do at least not on purpose) and she never apologized to me at all and she's done alot of stuff. 
i was mean to one of my new freinds before i knew her and i had already planned on saying sorry, but i posted a status on facebook, (one of those i'll tell you something if you "like" the status games) and it was called "i've always wanted to tell you" so i apologized through that and she happily forgave me, which made me really happy :)
but so many people don't apologize for things, and it really hurts. when someone does something you, of course you're going to be angry with them and sad, and if they don't apologize then it's hard to stop feeling that way. when someone apologizes (without being called out) it shows that they care, they're owning up to what they did and apologizing to you for it, which makes both sides of the altercation better. i've always thought of an apology as the open door to healing. i guess as you can tell that i am a person who will not be the same towards the person that hurt me until they say they're sorry. because seriously, if you think about it, you don't want a "friend" that is not going to say sorry when they wrong you...a good friend would fix the problem and make sure you're okay.

f you don't cry when you're supposed to, then you lose your ability to smile

believe it or not, that quote is not from a book, or a movie, but it's from an anime. if anyone's ever watched Negima in japanese, this was a subtitle near the end of the first season.
i really think it's true too. i learned that on my own kind of. the quote doesnt mean your face goes all-waterfall if someone forgot the tilde in your last name, but it means if you're emotions are torn bad enough that you think you should cry, then you should...because when you're hiding your pain, your smiles turn fake, then fake smiles turn into fake grins, fake grins turn into smirks, that turn into a straight face and it becomes your only expression. if you don't let out your bad feelings, then your good one's have no room to come in.

so cry
then smile :)
it'll all be worth while
if not soon,
then eventually
happiness doesnt always come overnight.

x o x o , a e r i

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