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7 chapters so far, and 8 is in the making

character sketches and more

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Poem - I Should Have Said "Hi"

look at you, you're so beautiful
look at you, you're so perfect
look at you, you've got so many friends
and look at you, taking my only one

look at you, your voice is so pretty
look at you, you're so tall
look at you, your perfect hair
and look at you, still lingering here

i am so jealous, sometimes i wish i was you
because you did all the things that i wanted to
there were so many things, but now i have to be wary
you're so pretty, but you're so scary...

i have said sorry, i've done my job
you've cleared things now, can you please be gone?
love is a strong word, and you both shared it
and it breaks my heard, but i dont think you want it mended..

i have loved, but was never in love until now
and the feeling is grand, it makes me feel so "wow"
but you two were real...and i jumped in between
and even though i didnt mean too, you still think i'm mean

i wanted to say sorry earlier, but i was too scared
i came close in January with the cold winter's air
but i couldnt send the message, i wouldnt dare
because the fear of your reaction gave me quite a scare

i made a bad choice and got scared and got shy
and now you two talk again, and its tearing me inside
this time was my fault and i do know why:
when he gave me the phone, i should have said "hi"

i look like an elf 0_0

700th Post!

wearing Nick's shirt :)

we were on webcam and he damanded that i take a picture

so i did :) and this is my 700th post :D

look at my poems and everything else, and please leave comments!!

thanks to all my followers and friends <33

freshman mentor program;

is it wierd to have a mentor that looks younger than you?

all of the freshman look older than me :[

look at all those books!!

we have our meetings in the algebra room,

so those are all math books.

math = death

the berry does not approve

=.=

nice for a webcam picture.. i think :)

under the rose..

just some gothic inspired pictures i took the other day

i look very different with black lipstick

i think i kinda like it :)

emo scribbles!

products of my boredome in credit recovery..

i'm not emo but i think these are kinda cute :)

Poem - Let Me Sleep

every night, i love the way,
before i go to sleep
he keeps me safe and soothes my soul
to make sure i do not weep

i talk to my love, then i lay to rest
no fears, hates, or frustration
but do you know the pain of going to sleep so happy
and then waking up in devastation

nightmare come and nightmare go,
the nightmares are a coma
nightmares of him coming home to me
stenched with your aroma

walking in to our own room
married, are we not?
i dont wish to see you touching him,
can't you try better to not get caught?

now you're a waitress, and i'm in the restroom
i hear a kiss, but from who to whom?
no resistance, is all i heard.. and it puts me in a tomb

and then every week,
that dream that i'm dreading
that horrible dream
where you ruin my wedding

when you cry at the alter
and rub your face on my dress
stomping in your heels, screaming
how you miss his caress

in front of my family and the few friends i have
embarrassing me for some years from the past
pleading and whining, complaining and crying
talking about memories to him, reminding
him of all the times when he loved you..
and making him forget me, God, forsaking
making me cry instead of saying i do
and then you make him say it to you..

insomnia, i thought, 

would my only battle be

but you're causing me such insanity

what i would give 

that for just one day

that every thought of you 

would just go away

just one night

that's all i need

because i'm so tired

that i can barely read

insomnia, i thought, 

would my only battle be

but you're causing me such insanity

i just want you away from me
i'll beg with all of my desperation
its even worse to break a heart
in the state of deprivation

nick made me these

g o b a n a n a s ;

i was dressed up in all yellow today for our school spirit day. 

i might post my whole outfit later, but anyway, today is boring so far.

basically i'm giving a speach on monday because one of the freshman made me kinda mad, asking if the program was pointless...so i dont think they'll really like that..

life is really starting to get frustrating, and its taking alot out of me and nick. we're so happy together, but thats the only parts of our lives that aren't messed up. i thought that his ex-girlfriend was the only obstacle we would have to overcome, but this summer we had a bigger problem that i cant believe even happened, it was stuff that was from the past and it was dumb that trouble came out of it.. then we could barely see eachother anymore. and now he has horrible stomach pains and i've got really bad anxiety and freak out all the time. both of our homes are starting to get tiring, and i hate where i live and who i live with...

we want to be happy and be together forever and we're going to, but there are so many things trying to stop us. first it was an array of different people, then it was parents, and now its physical pain which is hurting us both emotionally as well and its so stressful.. all we want to do is love eachother  it makes me so sad, and him too. everyone please pray for us and help us out, we need it, and im going to talk to God too.. we're going to do all we can to fix everything so we can be happy not just with eachother but with everything else too.  he's worth way too much to give up on. i love him so much ♥

well,

apparently ducks are hot tempered.

my love; ♥

oh how i miss him ♥
the other day, monday, was a bad day though..
very bad... but everything is fine now.
nick was supposed to walk with me from school, i started a day before him, so he was off school,
but he lost track of time and i was sad.. i waited at the park behind from his house for 30 minutes, i called his cell and his house and texted him but no answer.. then i heard him yell, so i started walking to his house from the back way, and he was skating with kyle. i guess he yelled because he fell.. i was so sad :(  i just wanted to cry.. and i did.. he held me.
we hung out at larry's for a little then his dad got home and he had to go.. i kind of blew up.. and i wanted to kiss him and hug him, but at the same time i was mad and sad and the two feelings combined frazzled me and i got confused and when he hugged me i pushed him away... and i squeezed his hand but i really just wanted to hold it... and i was so scared and i didnt know what to do i was so confused :( i didnt mean to do it, i love him! i would never want to push him away.. it really hurt him :( we talked about everything though and we're fine again..
i told him, that when i promised i would never leave him thats also me promising to always be there, and to be nice too him and be the best to him. i will never give up on him no matter what and will always forgive him and him the same to me. i love him so much, he is so perfect, i love the way that we never fight.
when we're upset we talk, just talk about it and then everything is fine as soon as the problem is fixed which is one of the best things about us. that's why we're going to last forever, and i can say that with confidence unlike anything else.

i love my beautiful boy ♥
i cant wait until my school dances and when we start going on dates again.
he said we're going to try and hang out more, i miss being his best friend
we get along so well, he's the only person i ever wanna hang out with
because we work so well together.
he's the whole package,
pretty, sweet, understanding, smart
athletic, generous and thoughtful and so much more
i'm in love with my best friend :)
this is the best i've ever had,
and i want him forever ♥

boredness; blahhhhhh, omg... T-T

i've just been sitting here waiting to leave. 

i colored on photoshop ^_^

kinda like that litttle thing, but i dont know what to do with it..

XD oh well, i'll figure it out haha

hamster love! ♥
                
                
                  

i miss this show so much <3 everyone loves hamtaro!