something i have noticed...

maybe i'm not as easy to read as i think i am... 

most people can't ever tell what i'm really feeling, 

but the ones that know me well enough...

there are things even they don't notice.

i don't really like to talk about my feelings anymore, 

that's why i'm more emotional now than i used to be.

there are so many things that happened a long time ago, 

that i never spoke up about until now
and as always, i know too much & look to hard..i "take things wrong" 

but every symbol has a meaning to me even if it is meaningless.
my feelings always get all mixed up
because when someone influences someone else to hurt you,
and without even trying, it is sometimes difficult
 to figure out which one is the one that you really hate
you can never say it out loud to anyone
because you think to yourself...
"who is going to listen to me?"
and then to yourself you think
"nobody". . .
i found myself at a very early age....
but now i feel like i am lost again...in myself..
i know who i am... but i have changed now...
i promised myself that i never would and i broke that
i promised him i wouldn't change also. . .
if it was a good change, it wouldn't be so bad,
but i am not into this change...
i hate how jealous i have become towards everyone
i want to go back to what changed me & stop it so i can be ok
i want to restart everything...i want to be happy again...
i don't want to worry about her anymore
but how can you not feel rage when every problem is her fault?
last night nick said:
"the worst thing about exes is that you still remember them"
he's so right... mine do not really bother as much..
but his....especially 1, she kills me
i don't like that i have to get over someone
who was never mine, but still effects me all the time...
i get what hate is now... i thought i hated a lot of people,
but really...the only person i truely hate...is her.
she shouldnt be worth wanting to end my own life over..
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on a happier note,

 me and nick had a funny conversation this morning

my crazy cute bf asked me :

what do girls act like when other girls poop at school

that totally distracted me while i was cramming xD

but it was funny and made my mood better

hahaha xD  ♥ ♥

here is what i had for dinner last night

chili three ways

they are so yummy :) one of my favs

especially with the sour cream on top

i get out of school at 11AM today

 because of exams

i cant wait to have the house to myself!

 i'm gonna surely dance alot~

and cook with no clothes on~ !!!

XD XD i'm just kidding!

..........or am i?

i really want chinese buffet soon~ ! 

spicey chicken w/lo mein, sushi and fortune cookies~ !

now that is my kind of restaurant!! xD

maybe if i have enough money after i buy my XBOX i will go~

 i have $! off coupon for dinner! hehehe

well that is all for now...