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Thursday, January 13

something i have noticed...

maybe i'm not as easy to read as i think i am... 
most people can't ever tell what i'm really feeling, 
but the ones that know me well enough...
there are things even they don't notice.
i don't really like to talk about my feelings anymore, 
that's why i'm more emotional now than i used to be.
there are so many things that happened a long time ago, 
that i never spoke up about until now
and as always, i know too much & look to hard..i "take things wrong
but every symbol has a meaning to me even if it is meaningless.
my feelings always get all mixed up
because when someone influences someone else to hurt you,
and without even trying, it is sometimes difficult
 to figure out which one is the one that you really hate
you can never say it out loud to anyone
because you think to yourself...
"who is going to listen to me?"
and then to yourself you think
"nobody". . .
i found myself at a very early age....
but now i feel like i am lost again...in myself..
i know who i am... but i have changed now...
i promised myself that i never would and i broke that
i promised him i wouldn't change also. . .
if it was a good change, it wouldn't be so bad,
but i am not into this change...
i hate how jealous i have become towards everyone
i want to go back to what changed me & stop it so i can be ok
i want to restart everything...i want to be happy again...
i don't want to worry about her anymore
but how can you not feel rage when every problem is her fault?
last night nick said:
"the worst thing about exes is that you still remember them"
he's so right... mine do not really bother as much..
but his....especially 1, she kills me
i don't like that i have to get over someone
who was never mine, but still effects me all the time...
i get what hate is now... i thought i hated a lot of people,
but really...the only person i truely hate...is her.
she shouldnt be worth wanting to end my own life over..
on a happier note,
 me and nick had a funny conversation this morning
my crazy cute bf asked me :
what do girls act like when other girls poop at school
that totally distracted me while i was cramming xD
but it was funny and made my mood better
hahaha xD  ♥ ♥

here is what i had for dinner last night
chili three ways
they are so yummy :) one of my favs
especially with the sour cream on top
i get out of school at 11AM today
 because of exams
i cant wait to have the house to myself!
 i'm gonna surely dance alot~
and cook with no clothes on~ !!!
XD XD i'm just kidding!
..........or am i?

i really want chinese buffet soon~ ! 
spicey chicken w/lo mein, sushi and fortune cookies~ !
now that is my kind of restaurant!! xD
maybe if i have enough money after i buy my XBOX i will go~
 i have $! off coupon for dinner! hehehe
well that is all for now...

1 comment:

P o o p e r said...

Ah, I understand what you mean about not telling anyone about
how you're feeling. I'm the same way, and I feel like even if
I tell my closest friends that they won't care or atleast they
don't know how to respond. So I don't even bother anymore unless
I'm really fed up with whatever is on my mind. :\

Taking things the wrong way ... I still haven't
recovered from what happened in my old relationship and I still can't help
that anxiety attacks hit me and that I take every little
thing seriously. D: I like what you said about not losing yourself.
I guess the best thing here is personal will and trying to
push yourself away from those provoking thoughts. It's us versus
our compulsive brain. @_@

Those noodles look delish! The thing I love the most from
Asian cusine is noodles. -___- <333 They're so goooood.

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