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Saturday, January 2

a selfish wish..

i wish i had a bestfriend.

its selfish but it's true...
i do have best friends, but my best friends have best friends

like there are people who have more than one best friend, but even then there's always one who they hang out with and talk to the most...you know what i mean?

well i dont really have that...

i'm best friends with people,
but im no ones bestfriend

am i not good enough to be a bestfriend anymore?

i used to have bestfriends...
but they're all different now
they hardly talk to me now

i miss being the first person they'd come to
if they needed to talk
if they needed a hug
if they needed advice
if they didnt want to be alone
if they needed anything at all
but i dont seem to be that now,
im always one of the best friends not the bestfriend

the second best or third best
the one who they talk to but dont always want to see
the one that has some things in common but not everything
the one they'll call if their mad at thier bestfriend

but who do i call?

this came up because i was looking at old pictures. i saw a picture of me and my old bestfriend. and my other old bestfriends. then i saw them and thier best friends, and other people with thier bestfriends. then i thought to myself... "where is my bestfriend?" i have a bestfriend but i am no one's bestfriend...i dont feel unwanted or unloved, its just a selfish desire...because of what i used to be..

but at the same time...

people used to fight over me...when i had bestfriends, they would all not get along in some way. whether it was envy or jealousy or anything else, they would dislike eachother and wouldnt be around eachother. they would argue about who put eachother first even though they were all number one.

i had 3 bestfriends
one was like a twin, one was a big sister and one was a little sister

just like in a family each one i went to for different things but they all meant the same

they all drifted off onto different things, different people
and one even turned against me...

i consider this post offencive but honest and im sorry to those who have read this and hurt. i do realize how selfish this is and now the whole world knows, but i cant help the way i feel...


☆rabbito-bonbon☆ said...

i know your feeling about your friendship (o.o) to be honest i also don't like be 2nd or 3rd bestfriend~~ i just need a bestfriend who needs one bestfriend not best friends & i already owned it o(^-^)o (thanks rineko!) but i got less true friends~~ well~~ i maybe not your bestfriend but i know i am your true friend & you are my true friend also!! o(^3^)o dun you worry berry-chan o(^-^)o one day you will find your the one & only bestfriend!!!!!

PS. sorry i'm not good at explaining XDXDXD

Mina said...

I don't think that's a selfish wish. Everyone goes through this one day. I hope you do find a best friend.

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