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Thursday, April 14

i wish i was still pretty >.< blehh

konnichiwa. i'm super bored >.< don't really know what to blog about really
i did finish 3 more pages in my book though :) happy about that
i also got a cinnamon roll this morning, it was good,
but i think it was too much sugar...
i'm all shaky & sick!
my tummy feels all icky :( and i was already bloated~
my freaking tired, and just want to go back to sleep.

it seems that i have gotten uglier :[
each year, i get worse and worse looking
and now i feel fat...
for any of you, you would think this is super tiny, i weigh 102 lbs right now
but for me, that is abnormal, because i usually weigh about 86
i'd been trying to accumulate some weight over the past year
and fight to keep it on, because it is hard for me to gain any weight
i'm fine with my legs...but i want to tone my arms and have a flatter stomach...its a little bit round now and makes my chest look small too :( and my face is rounder...i hate it :(
this is me over the years, the only thing that really has changed is my hair color...i get almost the same haircut every year but i cchange my hair color sometimes, and now i'm back to my natural
and after all this time back to black, i'm thinking of going back to brown again just like in the pics from 2 years ago...
i'm also more girly now than i was now, and back then i looked a little emo-ish / punk-ish
i wish i still looked like that...i dont know which way i looked best,
i really liked my hair this summer though,
even better when i had coontails in the sides, then my hair fell out because my put something in it :(
and back 2 years ago, this was fall 2008
my favorite hair i think, i really liked it brown...
this is my hair now,
its black with blond underneath 
(it was green but it had to fade for school)
not sure what i should do with my hair...i kinda wanna go brown :/
but i like it black as well...
i need to re-do the blonde and maybe put a layer of brown on top of it? i dont know :[
and its almost summer and i want a crazy color,
green again or purple? ugh i dont know! i just don't want to be ugly :(
or fat...so now i really wanna work out again to get my belly off
because it really does feel different to have that much weight on me that i'm not used to,
it feels like i'm going so much slower and my butt jiggles when i run up the stairs and its wierd D:
i still dance, but i think its actually making my but BIGGER!
it was supposed to help get my body looking a little better not a fat butt xD
ugh idk :(
i just wanna be back to normal...
blah...i'm gonna drink alot of water today and take advantage of all of the fiber product in my house. we have flax seed, mini wheats, granola, nutty nuggets and others...and gonna eat more soup, i guess i'll leave in the water when i eat my ramen now instead of draining it, just drink it instead
this really is starting to freak me out :|


MOON said...

Wow such a transformation! I think you fit all styles :D!

And fuck you lah -_-
you're not fat!! no need to lose weight! just do those 10 mins exercises before going to bed and you'll be fine :)

Anonymous said...

We know not what is good until we have lost it.

kitty said...

I know this is prolly WAY late but anyway,YOU LOOK AMAZING!!
I used to weigh between 100-105 in high school then started taking birth control (the pill form) and at first it was ok bc I was active(not really working out but the commute around school&walking to the bus stop helped me stay thin)but then when school let out I got lazy,ate anything,still do sometimes.Ive switched to a lower dose birth control and tried eating right. I weigh between 111-115 when I'm on the sugar pills for my BC then when the week is over I take the reg.ones again and I go up to 118-122.I think it's water weight.lol ive started working out&eating right.i also fast sometimes(3 day liquid diet/clense),plus I take adderall so I don't eat much anyway.but what Im saying is I'm going through the same shit so you're not alone.

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