Photography - last post until i'm 17

i went to the mall with my friend Katie

here's some pictures

impressive.. :)

today we did an excersize in drama where we have to keep a straight face while someone tries to make us laugh

the first girl who went up is the funniest girl in the class but is also in NJROTCso she did really good

no one could faze her,

but then whenever anyone else was up and she tried to make them laugh

they would laugh instantly

the teacher says "i think Asberry would be good at this"

i knew i would but i didnt really wanna go up there.

but of course...everyone wanted me to go up there.

after everyone was saying my name i went and sat on a stool.

we had to keep a straight face for 30 seconds.

and i kept a straight face :)

its funny, because i'm very easily amused

and she was hilarious

but my trick was to only laugh in my head

and it works wonders for me :)

everyone was impressed

and i won a cookie :D

hehehe

^_^

Lyrics - Minun onni on teidän käsissänne

NOTE

this is my first song in Finnish :)

translation at the bottom...

enjoy ♥

Finnish:
Olet ainoa minulle
Minä rakastan sinua
Toivon, että rakastat minua liian
En voi elää ilman sinua

Tulkaa minun tyköni
Älä jätä minua
ja käännä minulle
rakkauden minua
Minä olen sinun ja vain sinun
Voit olettaa, on ainoa
Minun onni on teidän käsissänne
Olen kiitollinen aiheuttaa


English:
You're the only one for me
I love you
I hope that you love me too
I can not live without you

Come unto me
Do not leave me
and turn to me
love to me

I am yours and yours only
You can assume is my only
My happiness is in your hands
I am grateful to you cause

Poem - Lovesick Romantic

to me, i believe it was destiny
to see you lying here next to me

without a push or shove, i sing of our love
and unlike all of the others, on a higher octave

i have someone so beautiful that all will covet
something to never forget, is that you are my only merit

if i would decree, and all would agree
that you are God's gift to me

i love when our eyes connect and you are in my vision
when we are trapped in our own passion prison

the softness of your touch and the feel of your skin
to thuroughly describe it, i can only begin

in ways you are sweeter than any bees-made honey
and worth more than any money
i love our perfect heart's harmony

it is true, i am in more than one sense: frantic
but i am nothing more than a lovesick romantic

so to the one i adore:
te amo, mi amor

i find it odd...

i find it odd...

that he thinks im perfect..

you can even ask him yourself and he'll say it...

i was on the phone with him last night,

he called me to cheer me up because i was having a bit of a crisis in my mind,

he doesnt get why i dont like myself

and i told him why

"all i see in myself is flaws"

but he doesnt see that...

he told me to try and look at myself through his point of view

he started talking about this beautiful girl with countless talents,

who is nice to everyone and is never mean to him,

 is always patient and loyal and he loves the things she says,

she's always there for him and is always up for anything

he loves everything about this girl

and he was talking about me.

one of his friends actually asked him why we arent married yet.

"all of my friend's think you're perfect because they see you from my point of view"

"i'm going to treat you like a Princess because you are mine"

"i love you Asberry and i want to spend the rest of my life with you"

i cant believe he's saying these things about me...

i'm still not used to it and we've been together a long time

alot of people say i'm one of the saddest people they know...

i feel like i'm a burden to him yet i make him the happier than he's ever been

it seems impossible and i thought it was,

i never thought i could make someone so happy that we would need a new word for it

then get so much happier we would have to have another

yes, it is true, i have alot of sad times in my life

i have alot of sad memories and my general expression has been said to be "sad"

but being with Nick is the part of my life where i'm happy

and i'm not really a sad person

they say my expression is "sad"

i'm not sad, i just miss Nick

my general expression could be better described as "longing"

i am happy, and its because of him

i talk to him about everything whether its full on joking or really serious

and he always listens and talks to me the same

...because we are the same

we fit together like two puzzle pieces,

which makes him easy to cuddle with

he said it made him happy the first time we hugged because i just "fit"

and i agree.

i'm short and he is taller than me

but he's not too tall.

they way we fit together is like automatic romantic -

if i lay on him, my head is automatically on his chest or shoulder

if i look up and he looks down we can see straight into eachother's eyes with eyes

when we curl up and cuddle together our bodies fit together warmly

if we're sitting my head lays right on his shoulder

he can put his arm around me without my shoulder or waist being too high

we fit so perfectly ♥

we had to have been made for eachother

it makes me so proud to have him

to have love like this

no ones ever thought of me this way and it makes my heart flutter

i'm proud to have someone who truely appreciates me

and i can't say it enough

i love you Nick <3

Paidream & Airvalo ♥

Paidream & Airvalo

♥

Nicko and i decided that our kid's names will be that

Paidream would be our girl

Airvalo would be our boy

we made up these names to express our love for eachother

not even kidding :)
we were on the phone (still are actually :D)
he said he'd reached a new happiness level with me
higher than "glameep" 
(our word we made up this summer to describe our happiness because we were happier than happy)
he said "paid" and hung up then i came up with "dream"

he called me back and said it sounded like a good name
i agreed and we changed the spelling to "Paidream" and said that would be the girls name
so he said to think of a boys name too,
he said "air" i was thinking "light" but "airlight" didnt sound right...
i went to the translator for help but then stopped and remembered "valo" is Finnish for light
the name flowed beautifully and our boy will be "Airvalo"


our children, we agreed, would be a symbol of our love
it only makes sense for them to have names that have a special meaning to us
"Paidream & Airvalo" are our words to describe our happiness
how we're happier than we ever have been,
a level above our normal happier-than-happy


the beauty of our love
put into words


i could write a story behind these names
and there are different reasons i chose the words i chose

[dream] i've always been a girl who dreamed of love, being in love, loving someone else and someone loving me. something that seems to be always and only in dreams has become a reality. i found the man of my dreams. and all of my dreaming has paid off.

[valo] it is the last name of my favorite singer and an inspiring man that reminds me alot of my Love, Nicko, but it is also the Finnish word for light. Light is something i couldn't see when i met Nick, my eyes were full of tears and sadness and i was lost in the dark, but Nick was there to hold my hand and fall out of the darkness and into the light, filling the air with love, something i will be eternally greatful for.

when they arrive one day, and ask us what thier names mean

we can share our love story with them

and i'm sure they'll be happy to know they have a purpous

they will be happy to know that not only will we love them

but they were made out of love ♥

Latest Creation

another webcam photo

inspired by Venus Doom by HIM

i think the butterfly is a nice touch :)

Poem - A Dream, A Light, A Love

i love him in an undying sense

a love that is unconditional and will always be true

a love that is perfect because it's just "me and you"

a dream,

a light,

a love.

full of reminiscing and wonder

curiousity and innocence

even when ours seems to be lost

we are only for eachother

each time i look into your eyes,

its just as exciting and beautiful as the first

a dream,

a light,

a love.

omg omg omg!! XD

today i went into the lunch room

and the first thing i heard was a man on tv say

"juicy wiener"

（笑） XD XD XD

its only 30 minutes after lunch now and im really hungry T-T but i didnt eat anyways...cuz i have no money to buy food T-T ^

well i guess i'll eat at home then

...i bought a big box of popcorn while i was at the pharmacy yesterday ^_^

stupid pills >.>
they took forever to refill

<.<
>.>

o.o

i'm hungrier than i thought i was

p.s.

i will be 17 on Thursday!! :D

about today,

(holy crap is that a smile?!)

in conclusion of today, 

I MISS MY NICKO!!!

♥ and i love him very much ♥

we're cute :)

Me: i just got hit in the face with a door again :(
Nicko: Ahaha wow
Me: i tried to open the screen door for my grandma and the wind pushed the door back before i could close it & it smacked me and i fell in a bush :( haha im pitiful XD
Nicko: Hahahahahahahah wow my gf is awesome
Me: i hope your not being sarcastic XD omg XD
Nicko: hahah corse not babe
Me: even tho the wind pwns me and i  keep getting smacked with doors and fall up the stairs all the time, still think i'm awesome?? :D
Nicko: Yes babe lol
Me: hahaha XD i love you!!
Nicko: i love you too babe.

and i also think Gack is the japanese answer to Ville Valo

they're both incredible lyricists/poets!!

i just started listening to him again :)

tell me what you think...

i've spent alot of time on this...

i was experimenting with layers and ended up with 7

i took the picture on webcam last night
the edit is inspired by a video i was watching

Todokanai Ai To Shitteiru No Ni Osaekirezuni Aishitsuzuketa by Gackt

Todokanai Ai To Shitteiru No Ni Osaekirezuni Aishitsuzuketa by Gackt

but the lyrics on the picture or "emotion-theme" as i call it

is Dance D'Amour by The 69 Eyes

i think its good...for me anyways lol

here's the original

i personally dont like this picture but i love the edit lol

please leave feedback!!

♥

a couple of pictures...

 me and my webcam were bored...

then photoshop joined the party.

me and the two programs were listening to HIM

thats sums up this

Update

well today started out good, not bad at all

as the day progress the good faded...

i thought it was going to be a good night and i fought to get out of the house

but i ended up back in and got in trouble..

now im laying at home, cold, in my bed

with nothing to do besides write...

other things:

i hate being misjudged

i am really hoping for the best...

Lyrics - Don't Leave, Baby, Please

don't leave, baby, please
i want you here...
i'll beg on my knees
i want you here...

the past, the love, the memories
the hopes, and cries they couldn't see
i don't know how or where i'd be
without you...

i remember holding your hand
through the summer days
almost crying over your shoulder
when my hopes were faded away
but you were there when no one was
to take away my pain
and within moments we were both allured
and my love was yours to claim

don't leave, baby, please

i want you here...

i'll beg on my knees

i want you here...

the past, the love, the memories

the hopes, and cries they couldn't see

i don't know how or where i'd be

without you...

i remember looking into your eyes

each and every single time

the look has always got to me

it is one of a kind

and my eyes they see only for you

and you know its true

because everyone's invisible

when i look at you

so don't leave, baby, please

i want you here...

i'll beg on my knees

i want you here...

the past, the love, the memories

the hopes, and cries they couldn't see

i don't know how or where i'd be

without you...

without you...

i nwouldnt be here

Poem - Don't Worry, Baby

don't worry baby, everything will be fine
the whole world knows i'm yours and you're mine
its alright, honey, everything will be okay
i will always have a shoulder for your head to lay

i love you with all of me
everyone knows its true
in every possible way, i have
poured my heart out to you

i give you all of my affection
i give you all of my hope
i give you all of my heart
and together we always cope

together, us both
we are as one
together, us both
we will never run

even when in doubt
and when times may be rough
when the sun doesnt shine our way
and you think we've had enough

there's our love
stronger than all others
and we can both feel safe
beacause we have eachothers

so don't worry baby, everything will be fine

the whole world knows i'm yours and you're mine

its alright, honey, everything will be okay

i will always have a shoulder for your head to lay

when you feel sad,

you know i'm still here

just talk to me and i'll be

your listening ear

if you have to cry

which i pray you dont

i'll be here to hold you

when others wont

i will listen to every word

whether i want to hear it or not
i will love you at every moment
and i will love you more than alot

i'll pick you up when you're down
even when you're at your lowest
and get you back to good
for you, i only want the best

you dont ever have to worry

with me, you see
because i am like you
and you are like me

don't worry baby, everything will be fine

the whole world knows i'm yours and you're mine
its alright, honey, everything will be okay
i will always have a shoulder for your head to lay

b-o-r-i-n-g-(space)-d-a-y-!

today wasnt much of a day,

nicko's not much in a talking mood

so i feel really lonely :(

im used to hearing his voice before i go to sleep

and i love to talk to him...

i listened to that cute voice mail he left me a while ago though

which cheered me up a little :)

only highlight of today is that i started trying harder to learn "Angel On My Shoulder" on bass

and getting better :)

i wanna get that song!! i love it

well here's some pictures for you ^_^

lol i was drawing on my hand at lunch because my friend pulled out a sharpie and held it towards me

of course my first impulse is to draw on myself

so i took about 3 seconds with the marker then gave it back haha

 thats my bby nicko, looking adorable <33

he sent me that picture cuz i saw it last night in the van and i loved it

so i was like "MINE!!!!" haha

i go crazy over it lol

i &heart; his nose

and his lips

and his eyes

and his hair

he has the cutest profile <3

my little sister looks like an Angel here :) does she not?

First Anime Edit in Photoshop

this was Haruno Sakura from Naruto

to make it look more like me..

so think how much work i did to this lol

did i do good?

i was curious to find out how i'd do so i tried lol

it was a good day for me :)

issues a little but to work out in the morning but pulled through as always <3

then the day at school we got all new classes...

i was worried i wouldnt know anyone but i knew people in each class!!

Nicko did say that everything would turn out fine...

i should have listened to him :) he was right!

classes i have:

Art II

Algebra II

Credit Recovery

Drama

i'm trying hard to switch out of the last class

i really don't like it...

and i dont like the teacher

she was mean to Chloe, (one of my best friends)

and i called her out in front of the whole class

which she didnt like

but i dont care...get what you give

even though i'm not a revengeful person...

i think she deserved it..

if you had been there you would get it

it was a very unfair situation

and the teacher's choice of who to scold was unreasonable

she punished the wrong person!

she should have thought it through

we had a project in creative writing last year where we write scripts and people from the drama class perform them,

well,

one of the actors in chloe's group wasn't cooperating (from what i understand)

chloe asked the girl a simple question,

and she started going crazy!!

she was stomping around like she was gonna beat her up and causing a scene,

chloe stayed calm...

but she's the one who got in trouble!!

so because of that unfairness...

i cant really accept that teacher...

that class would be an easy A+ for me though

i have theater experience already from when i was younger

but that teacher...i just cant do that

other than that, it looks like i should do good this semester

i've got a nice math teacher,

i have no problem with art,

credit recovery is good

and im switching out of drama...

even if i dont get out of drama

i'll still get good grades :)

which doesnt happen much lol

Tonight...!

tonight was fun!!

a bad thing turned to good!

Nick was w/his friends and thier van broke down,

they pushed it all the way from Colerain

to White Castles

then to my house

i was so happy to see him :)

he was so cute too <3

his friends are funny XD

Kyle was making faces at me in the screen door and asked me for some coke lol

they drank all of it XD XD XD

i kept re-filling it, lol

they were stuck outside with a van that wouldnt go anywhere

the least i could do is help :D

Larry asked for hot chocolate

...so i made some lol

but Pablo and Kyle drank it all D:

so next time Larry's near here im making him hot chocolate lol

kyle asked me to turn on the tv so they could watch through the front door

so i turned it on...

the first channel up was CartoonNetwork

and Chowder was on lol (i hate that show XD)

they all knew the show word for word 

0_o

i was speechless haha

i also liked today because Nick was being really affectionate <3

he was really huggy and kissy and i liked it 

^_^

i was sad when he left...

i was thinking about just jumping in there without making a sound

......but that would be creepy lol

i ♥ my nicko :)

Poem - ANd I Want To Hear You Say It Too

i want my hands braided together
then set on top my chin
then look into your eyes
with a peaceful grin
and say "i love you"
and i want to hear you say it too

i want our hands braided together
and on mine, your lips
then look into your eyes
and play with our fingertips
and say "i love you"
and i want to hear you say it too

i want my hands braided together
and to see your smile
then look into your eyes
as i walk down the aisle
and say "i love you"
and i want to hear you say it too

Nick...

will you marry me?

Poem - I Asked "Why"

my eyes grew wide and then rain as they close
i have the luck of one surrounded by a million crows
i had rubbed my wet face all over my clothes
in my cheeks, not left even a small rose
for a situation more suitable not for a poem, but prose
i asked
"why"

why did you say what you chose
why is this how it goes


its my fault, i know
as i pace to and frow
in my house, as i go
feeling so low
i asked
"why"

why did i keep saying no
why do i feel as if im on death row


i'm sorry i couldnt stop

i'm horrible
i'm terrible
inexcuseable
i'm miserable
i asked
"why"

it's because of me.
and i cant let you take the blame

Acrostic - Ville Valo

i made this on MS Power Point last year for my creative writing class

just thought i'd share it :)

[click the picture for actual size]

this image is actually wallpaper sized...

i could call this my first wallpaper :D

hmm...♥

i was talking to Nick last night and we were just talking about stuff.

so i thought about it, and he's kinda like my second chance at life.

we both regret our past relationship(s)...

but now that we're together, its like the past relationships didnt even happne.. (or at least to me) like, i can remember them but the memories arent vivid..

it feels like i've just been with Nick the whole time, 

but we havent been together a whole year yet

...but its getting close :)

i feel like we grew up together but we didnt meet until spring,

we did live in the same area...

we did go to the same places...

we know some of the same people...

we did go to the same restaurants...

we even had the same favorite waitress...

but had never knew eachother..

we're always talking about places we would go when we were little and would find out new things and how we were probably there at the same time and just never saw eachother.

its like we were best friends when we were kids

but we never even met,

we didnt know eachother existed.

i wish i could go back and stop myself 

and just meet him before any other guy i ever really liked

or loved..

then i would have never gotten my heart broken

because i would have been with him, being happy

my childhood wasnt the worst, but it definately wasnt fun..

most people dont know the half of it, 

even people who knew me back then

there were times when i had no friends,

there were times where no one was nice to me,

there were times i felt betrayed and unloved

there were alot of those times..

but for some reason i dont remember them as well now,

for some reason i just imagine it was him always with me

like i really never was alone..

we rode bikes together,

but we really didnt.

we learned to skate together,

but we really didnt.

we went to the park together,

but we really didnt.

it's sp crazy..

and its like he's my first love...

i cant remember really loving anyone else now

because i love him so much more than i've ever loved anyone

its really all i know...

it feels like he was my first...

all of my other relationships just seem like bad dreams.

its hard to describe but i dont mind it at all :)

it really does feel like a new life,

everyone wants a second chance but not everyone gets it...

somehow, i got lucky ♥

[click for actual size]

pictures of me? yes :) lol...

what do you think?

am i getting better w/photoshop?

i think im progressing!!

MY BOYFRIEND LOOKS LIKE VILLE VALO

I have most likely said this before...but

OMG NICKO LOOKS LIKE VILLE VALO

 you cant even say he doesnt

look at these pictures!!!!

(click to view larger)