puffy eyed girl,

"she fading away, away from this world,

drifting like a feather,

she's not like the other girls...

she lives in the clouds and talks to the birds,

hopeless little one,

she's not like the other girls..."

-The Rasmus

me and my sister got in a fight earlier today in front of everyone at church and my mom told me to get the hell out in front of everyone...it wasnt even my fault which she admitted later.

can you see how puffy my eyes were? click the picture to enlarge.
what happened: i used to always joke to the other people at church about my sister being the same size as me...because she was. and for a minute she was taller (she's almost 13 and i'll soon be 17) and most people thought it was ironic or funny. today one of the girls in our class noticed that i had grown (SHOCKER!?) i was actually taller than my sister by about an inch, so i got really happy because i've always wanted to be tall and it gave me a little hope...well tehya decided that she didnt like that she was shorter than me and pushed me and ran away really mad so of course i followed her to try and see what was wrong. she kept telling me to stop following her and i told her that i'll go away if she answered me because i seriously had no idea what i did to upset her, i was just happy that i grew. she goes to my mom and pulls a little sister and says i was badgering her and making fun of her but i wasnt! she said she didnt like that i pointed out that she was short but i wasnt even the one to point it out...she turned the whole situation around to make it seem like i was attacking her, of course my mom smacked me in the face and said to stop raising my voice but i was speaking normal tone, tehya kept yelling at me and saying she hates me and that she wishes she had a brother instead...making me feel even more worthless than i already felt in the first place. my mom told me to get the hell out and literally pushed me from The Sactuary all the way out the front doors and i stood outside and waited for them about 30 minutes...it was freezing outside.. i didnt mean to do anything and i already hadnt been doing so well and that last thing pushed me to my breaking point and i cried. This lady who i had seen around church was walking with her family but she saw me and stopped and talked to me and got me to stop crying. she reassured me that even though i didnt do anything and no matter how much my sister will say she hated me she'll always still love me even if it doesnt seem that way, but she said it in a way that i could understand...i stopped crying and actually cracked a smile, she had to get back to her family so she gave me a hug and left.  I don't remember your name but thank you so much. i wish there were more people like that in the world, but i guess you only find Angels every once in a while. 


of course after the car ride i was a little more shook up, because the whole argument broke out again, but my mom finally got the story straight and i wasnt the one to blame and she apologized to me...i accepted it reluctantly. a little after i got home, my friend Dylan dragged me out of my house and tried to cheer me up. besides that it was freezing and we were bored basically the whole time, there were a few funny moments and i met alot of new people. i'm not sure if i'll ever see them again (lol) but they were all really nice and i felt like i already knew them.



in other news:
this was my horoscope today:

Aquarius:

You don't mind it when others are clear about their needs,

but you aren't as supportive if they act selfishly.

You may attempt to maintain a positive attitude today,

but someone can push you too hard,

provoking you to respond with forceful words.

Remember, you don't have to sink to conflict.

You can deflect aggression by simply holding to your position confidently and waiting things out.

that sounds just like how i've been thinking...

and basically what happened...

i'm thinking i should have looked at my horoscope before church instead of now.

i usually don't believe horoscopes, i just look at them for fun

but this one was right on the dot...

could have been like a warning or something

I COULD HAVE USED THAT!!

jeez..lol

 
and i also have a doctors appointment tommorow and im scared, lol