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Saturday, January 9

update for today...

[attempting to see eye to eye]
i look really bad from side-view >.<
but anyway, lately i seem to be really confused...
my head has been acting funny since i started this new contraceptive pill,
my stomachs been hurting,
i've been dizzy alot
the nosebleed incedent
bad headaches
but the pamphlet says its supposed to stop after the first week
so let's hope it does @_@
cuz i feel like i'm dying XD XD XD

also lately my mind has been playing tricks on me. i'm permanantly nervous regardless of whatever is going on. i could be happy as ever and still be hiding in the corner in my mind afraid to come out. i want to get rid of my nervousness for good, but i really don't know how...i've been on this continuous journey of escaping it for so many years now, and im slowly crawling out from the abyss but it seems like the exit is so far away and every time i reach for it it runs from me..i am almost there...i just need that one last step to get out. i need enough reassurance that i dont have to always be worried...i need that hand to reach out to me and pull me out...i've never been "like everyone else" but i don't want to be a nervous wreck..yes, i'm really nice and i see it as my duty to make people happy...but what about me? why can't i make myself happy? thats what i need to learn to do...i have learned to calm myself down and to cope but i havent yet learned to be content.

i had cookies today ^_^

they are low calorie, but only cuz they were cheap today XD
my mom brought some home and i was the first to grab at it
because we almost never have any sweets in our house
when there is, they dissapear very fast
either because my mom and sister eat them
or if i take half the box and hide it under my bed
because that's the only way i can ever get any!! XD
my family is one hungry bunch XD XD XD
especially me!
i eat alot, but never gain weight
some call it a blessing,
i call it a curse!!
i've been trying to gain weight for years >.<
i'm always tiny no matter what >.<
and its really bad in winter, because fat keeps you warm
but i have almost no fat!!
so im always cold T-T

and here is a video i made last night

btw if you ever want to see any of my videos search "Yrrebsa" on youtube
subscribe to my channel if you want ^_^

other things (misc):
♥the song "Summer Wine" is stuck in my head
♥i really really really really reeeally miss Nicko :(
♥i found out one of my friends has been fake to me(i am disappointed about that)
♥i lost my memory card somewhere in my room >.<
♥i am very bad at playing on a Wii because the good graphics distract me!!
♥my mind keeps twisting everything to negatives and i do not like it at all
♥i need a Nicko hug RIGHT NOW!!!


☆rabbito-bonbon☆ said...

kikiki~~ nyami cookies ne o(*O*)b

well well~~~~~

who cheated on eu????!!!! o(> <)o

why???? o(._.)>

☆rabbito-bonbon☆ said...

aniway~~ green tea donut is tasted like green tea ne o(*O*)b

but it got sweet sweet taste too~~~~ o(> <)o

i dunno where de sweet sweet thing in green tea donut comes from o(> <)o

perhaps it is sugary green tea????

Mina said...

That video is so funny! I love watching you and your sister. "Tehe, she died. Hmm, dejavu..." xD

Pygmy said...

what contraceptive pill?

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