sick x_x ugh and got no sleep either @_@

as soon as i got to school a\i rand to the bathroom ... ugh

*not a happy berry*

i fell asleep at 11 and then woke up at 3 am and couldnt get back to sleep

and then my stomach hurt then (and earlier before that) too but not this bad

now its bad and i am so mad >.< also mad cuz i had to change my modeling appointment to saturday instead of today and i was so ready :( outfit and everything picked out

 i have 2 reading quizzes today and i cant go home plus the last day of notes before the history test tomaro x(

STRESS!!!!!!!!!!

**also for the modelling appointment on saturday i need to take two photos with me....its going to be hard to decide which ones! i'll put up some candidates later and hopefully you guys can vote on them for me!

<

so confused...

ranting! you dont have to read this >_<

i've been trying to improve myself lately...not on the outside but the inside... i've had a rough time lately with friends and family and such so i'm trying to get better... i was told that i complain alot so i am trying so hard not too, but it is making me so sad because i feel like i'm being pushed away now... i have no one to talk to all day, so i sit alone and wait. make vlogs, play sims, homework and stare at my phone, sometimes watch anime. i am feeling lonelier than ever :( i wish my online friends lived in the same time zone :( sigh... if i am being pushed away, i know why... i would understand, but i really hate this feeling.
second thing i don't know if i'm doing right is forgiveness... i was told to forgive less but i dont forgive at all. that's not good :\ that means i will hate more people much easier and thats not really what i wanna do, but i don't know what to forgive and what not to forgive now. i used to forgive everything. all the way from boyfriend-stealers & backstabbers to people who judge me & lie straight to my face. now, i can barely forgive being hit with a paper ball or a mean joke. i have to be able to forgive people, not for everything and not every person, but some people... the only things i refuse to forgive are the things people don't say sorry for. if someone does something mean to me, then i expect them to say sorry because thats what i would do, but no one ever really apologizes to me.. so i don't forgive them and most of the time will not even talk to them after a while if they still don't get it. i have lost a lot of friends that way, but if they can't see what they did wrong and apologize, maybe they don't deserve to be my friend. i am done playing the little "friend" games with people. i am tired of being the one people come to for help but i cant go to anyone for help. i am tired of friends that will come and go and i am tired of people never saying sorry when i always do. i'm sick of people making other people hate me just cuz they're mad. if i'm gonna have friends, they gotta be my friend and stay my friend. jeez i might have to make an entry exam just to see if people qualify -.- haha jk thats a little shallow. xD
i almost decided to go on blog hiatus today :\ it seems a lot of people (in real life) get mad about my blog... but it is my blog... why should i stop posting because of other people not liking it? no... uf you don't like it, don't read it! there's a little red x in the corner of the screen, it's there to be clicked.. right? is that not what they made it for? ugh people just really frustrate me sometiems.