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Thursday, December 2

God, why?


i was attacked by a dog this morning :\ i was finally starting to break my fear of them but today changed that. when i got to the bus stop i didnt see it cuz it was dark, & didnt hear it cuz i had in head phones and it pounced me and i fell to the ground. i had hot chocolate and when i fell it spilled on my face (which hurt) and got in my eyes and the dog almost bit my face! i felt it's lip brush my nose and freaked out!!! i kept trying to hold it back and i thought it was going to like kill me or rip me apart! the owner finally came out of his house and got the dog, but i was like petrafide :( i ran home to change sweaters and wash off my face then ran back to the bus stop and surprisingly didn't miss it. @_@ it was hell i was so scared :( and now i'm gonna smell like dog all day :\ my eyes hurt...the only day i decide not to bring my glasses -__-
my lips were really chapt when i woke up so i put blistex and lip tint on them...i figured the tint would make the light dry parts more red to match the parts of my lip that i bit off in my sleep...i was right :) it was a nice quick fix up... might do it again.
yesterday in class i got worried... we were learning about IEP and disabilities, and turns out i fit into the categories to qualify for special help :/ it didn't cross my mind until someone looked at me after a couple of things were said...then i looked at the paper again and got a little sad. the counselor said i'm severely depressed and that i need medication :\ i already know that... i just don't want to take the medicine anymore... i was doing okay without it for a while but it has gotten really really bad again...and i hate it. forever. it sucks to deal with it :( and i've got PTSD so i'm always paranoid...plus stupid voices in my head always tell me things that are never good. the only good characters in my imagination can't talk :( but the mean ones can. i learned that... the ones that can talk arent all good, only the ones who can't talk are good. they're never mean to me. i wont talk any more about this...
i was just listening to the song "She's Anti" by Home Grown and i was like O_O
what a violent girl...i feel like her sometimes, not gonna lie >_> but i couldn't kill everyone like she did xD the way they sing it makes it sound humorous...but if she existed then we'd all be in trouble haha now i'm listening to New Found Glory for the first time in 3 years...i actually kind of miss this band.
honestly, i just really need one of those days, where i can lay next to the person i love. quiet or not, i don't care and i don't care where. i miss him. i miss being happy. i want to lay with him and talk about what we love about eachother. i want him to kiss my nose and forehead so i cant cry anymore. i want to cuddle and snuggle with him, he's the only one that can do it the right way and keep me warm... i want him.. for the rest of my life... i would beg God for it if he would hear me..

1 comment:

Meri and Anni said...

Lucky that for you didn't happen something more bad!! I hope your eyes get well soon! :) *BIG HUG* <3

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