i still play dress up.

the sad part is: i'd actually wear this again

technically, this really isnt playing dress up

i always dress funny lol

(don't judge meh!! >.<)

i litterally just picked up random things in my room and put them on then went outside and took pictures

as you can see, its in my back yard because you can see the colorful tree that i took pictures of a few days ago

but yeah, enjoy! hehe

"somebody check my brain"

its from Alice In Chains' new song with thier new singer...

everyone should have heard it by now

but if you havent

GET TO IT!

 its an amazing song

this last one - no edit ^-^

cookies! :D

you know what? i'm not mad.

that day when i was, when my boyfriend said what he said (and then i went on an upset rampage and blah blah blah...) we were talking about it and he said he loved me. i said i need proof. he said he would try. this is what happened. he said his mom would take him to come see me today, i got excited. i was hoping he would come over and usually when he does we go somewhere or just stay outside because i'm not aloud to have people in my house :/ well it took a while, but i finaly convinced my mom to let me have company...

on one condition: i had to clean the whole house

i convinced my mom and sister to help me out, ya know since the mess isnt all mine (actually most of it isnt, they just like to say it is...but who leaves potato chips on the table? i dont eat those, i eat tortilla chips, obviously the doings of my sister...but anywayz) i polished the stair rail,all the door knobs, tables, my piano and the counters, we did all the dishes, i vaccumed, swept, replaced the pillow cases and cleaned the bathroom...only to find out later that he didn't wanna hang out :(

i was sad.

for real.

i cried.

he dropped by and i gave him his cupcakes

he dropped by and gave me this

COOKIES!

and they're chocolate chip which is my favorite.

(see it says i heart u on it :3 heehee)

i waited until i stopped crying to try one,

they're sooooooo good

especially cuz i never have cookies lol

to tell you the trutch, i really don't know how that picture turned out purple...but i left it like that anyway haha

here's a couple pictures i took of my amazing gift and i love them just like i love him,

enjoy these pictures, cuz this is the closest to me sharing these cookies as it will ever get lol

Check out this band - Heart of Eros :)

so it was Saturday morning, it wasnt the best day lol

i had just got home from my friend's house from sleeping over, it was about 10 in the am

i had just got out the shower and got dressed

i check the mail and look what i get....

a Heart of Eros CD!

a signed Heart of Eros CD!

from my awesome bassist buddy Manny Huerta!

i started talking to him on twitter and we became friends then i noticed his name,

i checked out his band a couple days before and recognized his name from the bio and was like

"OMG! you're the bassist from Heart of Eros!"

and he was like "yeah thats me!"

i was so excited because i really liked thier music

he got the whole band to sign the cd and sent it to me in the mail

it was so cool :D

it's a really good CD, if you don't know who they are,

GOOGLE THEM!

its so worth it :)

heartbroken...

(ignore this post i was just ranting cuz i was upset)
my boyfriend just said that he was with his ex-girlfriend at her job and that he loves her and he's sorry...

i know he's not sorry...

why did i even try...

how could i possibly think someone actually loved me?

how dumb am i?

i'm dumber than dumb.

how did i end up like this again?

i'm devistated

devistated over the one person who picked up the pieces

just to make me happy after the last time my heart was broken

i am one stupid girl.

he conviced me to take a chance

and i was scared

but i took it.

i was happy

i was in love

now im crushed over that same person

i was about to send him "happy sweetest day"

but i saw a new message so i looked...

this is what i made for him

i spent forever trying to make them perfect...

i wrote a long note to go with it and i was gonna sing him the song i wrote him

but i cant do that now...

that's the last time i take a chance like that

i always, always, always, get my f@#!ing heart ripped to shreds

and no one gives a shit about it

im just another girl...

i'll never be someone's one and only

i'll never be that person someone loves forever

i'll never have the perfect person for me

i'll just die alone

and hopefully soon

because i really am just sick of life

and i don't want it anymore

Poem - Rephrased

these uncommon thoughts

flow through my mind

one

at a

time

my heart flutters

like

a butterfly

all

of the time

when you smile, i

can't look away

i can only

be

amazed

the words you said

to me that day

can never

be

rephrased

Poem - New Flame

i had a match and lit a flame
and it was lit for a long time
longer than it should hanve, i now know
i should have blown it out back then
-
before i had the chance, i wa soutside
and it started storming
then the flame went out on its own
and never gave me a chance to save it
-
the match lied on my nightstand
watching me as i slept at night
but then i threw it away, finally
and it fell to ashes
-
i bought a new pack of matches
and then i found the last one left
now i've lit a new flame
and it hasn't gone out yet

i take too many pictures.

what? its true! i admit it...i take too many pictures. there, happy now? haha.

today i decided i was going to snap a few pictures of the leaves outside because they were just starting to change colors. i look over and find this berries...

first thought that goes through my head:

"hey, my names berry! :D"

second thought:

"those are the same color as my guages! :D"

third:

"i'm hungry, but those are probably poisonous..."

fourth:

"i wanna take pictures with them :D"

so i took pictures with them lol

do you see this? its the product of having no life.

Photography - Autumn's Arrival

finally autumn arrives here in ohio, my favorite time of the year. i love the colors in these. the first picture is my indefinate favorite. i love the way its so colorful in fall its always nice to have a break from being blinded by the sun all summer, but i do love summer dont get me wrong :) i think each season has its own trademark, like spring has rain, winter has snow, fall has its color and summer has the bright sun. i like to capture them all.

Coffee...

i really love coffee, i must say.

its just sooo good, i cant even begin to say lol

i like it with whipping cream the best but i almost always use milk or drink it black. haha that reminds me of a song i love by Mindless Self Indulgence "the bass, the rock, the mic, the treble; i like my coffee black just like my metal." ahh, that was my theme song for a second lol.

i don't drink it every day but i do drink it sometimes and yes, i make the best of it :) i like warm coffee better than iced coffee but it depends on my mood. i really really love Kahlua flavored coffee, its by my favorite coffee brand, Caffiend. it says it's coffee for junkies, haha. they really do have the best flavors, mocha, kahlua, carmel...carmel's what i made today, hehe. big burst of energy right there! i had a huge hyper strike! i ran around the house doing the caramelldansen (look it up on youtube if you dont know what it is) and i was singing it in Swedish...LOLZ then i sang along "teddy bear" by Smile.DK loud & obnoxiously, its a site i'm sure no one wanted to see.

but yeah, i love coffee.

My logo :D

i painted this over a year ago, it's watercolors. i edited it and made it into a logo :) its a symbol i made inspired by the heartagram and the ying yang, i was watching my HIM dvd and i heard how Ville Valo created the heartagram when he was 20 and how it was like the ying yand with the heart as good and the pentagram as evil. i was listening to the band and watching the videos then the song "in joy and sorrow" came on and i began to get an image in my mind. i grabbed my paints and paper and went to work. the tear is the sorrow and the heart (love) is the joy. it may be my favorite creation :)

Photography - In the Night

i took this about a week ago i think, i love it :) i wish it was better quality though...i took this with my phone. i tried to get a picture with my camera but it doesnt do well at night for some reason :/ i need a better one, but this will have to do for now. what i really need is a job. lol

A good start to a bad weekend.

Thats a picture of me from Friday before going to a party with my boyfriend. It was at his friend's house (i would call him my friend too but i dont know if he'd want me to) and there was alot of people there or at least it was alot to me, haha. Probably because when i have parties, no one comes. But it was fun and im glad i went :)

the next day, was bad...it was my mom's Birthday and the day of my old friend Mary Jo's funeral so everyone was bummed..and that night was my Homecoming which i missed for the second year in a row :(

sunday wasn't as bad, my friend amber threw a second homecoming and i went to that...but i went alone. Not as many people came as planned but people did come. She threw it because her boyfriend couldnt go to our school's so she wanted to surprise him, which was the cutest thing ever. It was like a second chance for me to cuz i couldnt go either. When i got home, i was stuck locked out freezing for about 2 hours until my mom got home & i was sad...but o well

Sent via AOL Mobile Mail on T-mobile

Overwhelmed...

i've got so much going on right now its so overwhelming...every two seconds i feel like i'm going to burst into tears and im always holding them back. alot of people keep asking me if i'm ok, i want to say does it look like i am? i get so tired of being asked that so i just say i'm fine. there are some people who are trying to make me happy but nothing is really helping...i wish it was and i thank them for their efforts, i really do appreciate it <3 it's just that sometimes there is almost nothing anyone can do...

i wish i could just go for a long walk in the night.
i wish i could just lay down and cuddle and watch movies wrapped in a warm blanket.
i wish i could just go get one of those caramel lattes from Panera and sit there and talk.
i wish i could just pour my heart out and cry on someone's shoulder.
i wish i could just have one day where i was just happy, at least for a few hours.
i wish i could just lay in the grass and stare at the stars one night.
i wish i could just get a good surprise for once...

this game is so addicting for NO reason?!

yeah so, harvest moon...can't stop playin it. STILL. i dont really know whay it's so addicting, its a game about running a farm...A FARM! of course, it is evil to mess with someone's file, cuz this game takes a long time. im in my 4th year and my little person is married with a little kid :D im about to upgrade my house and buy some more land and im an awesome fisher with alot of friends :D i married Alex the doctor, haha. i awakened the harvest goddess after playing for like ever collecting music notes and what not, its an odd game, but its fun and keeps me from being bored...sometimes. my friend got all my chickens sick and they died and it was RIGHT after i got all the hearts and my chickens loved me >.< my sheep love me and one is pregnant, my cow is pregnant, my chickens laid eggs like it was thier job (cuz it was) my pig is fat, my dog is cute, my kid is ugly and my horse is fast :D i like mining cuz it gives you the most money but i hate how in the winter is the only time we can go to the good cave...its so lame for me to be blogging about this...im just gonna stop this here lol

Acrostic - Where Am I?

Where am i?


Here I am,

Everyday, the same

Repeated patters

Every day

AM to PM, where am i?

May I never know;

I am here

Acrostic - Unforgiven, No More

Underneath your sweet exterior, i
Now see what is true
False was my judgement
Or maybe it was yours
Remember what you said, and all you
Gave to me
I may love that you are
Vicious, but even so,
Everything you have done is Unforgiven, you
Now know


None
Of this is worth

More
Of this, i
Remember how we were,
Everything was different

So i dub thee unforgiven...

i guess i draw on myself alot.

(and that picture is unedited, how rare)

every day in credit recovery we get to listen to music and as you see by what's written on my wrist i was listening to "Unforgiven" by Metallica, one of my all time favorite bands...i was also listening to alot of Alice in Chains and Stone Temple Pilots.

it might be hard to read but the first verse of "Would?" by AiC is written on my hand.

i sat thier and listened to the music, totally forgot i was even doing work or supposed to me, i always get lost when thiers music.

some people, when they listen to music, just say "oh that song has a great beat!" or "HOLY [bleep] DID YOU HEAR THAT BREAKDOWN?!" or "that band's lead singer is hot...*sigh*"

when i listen to music, i'm mostly thinking about the lyrics. i'm always trying to find out the meanings, originations, and inspirations for them. When i listen, i can apply that song to my own life and find a totally new meaning. it might remind me of a dream or memory or maybe even a person; either way its so odd how you can do that.

BUT OF COURSE, i do think about the other stuff too. H.I.M.'s lead singer is the epidemy of beautiful, i love the drums in the song "wait and bleed" by Slipknot and yeah, breakdowns in any type of musical shape or form make me very happy :)

well, kinda...there's not much that makes me "happy" these days.

IN OTHER NEWS:

i guaged my left ear up to 4 :)

Photography - Hello, Mr.Mantis!

GOAL: ACHIEVED!

one of my goals since i was little was to get a picture of a preying mantis (or however you spell it) because its hard to find them...well, today my sister found one on my grandma's porch then came over and told me. i grabbed my camera and sprinted over and took a bunch of pictures! these were the only 2 that werent blurry :( so here they are! haha this kinda excites me!

Photography - Happy Little Loves

Photography - Come to the Front of Grandma's House

my favorite picture i took today. i liked it so much i didnt even edit it

Photography - Tiny Purple and Green

Photography - Garage & Flowers

Poem - 3 is the Unlucky Number

Unlucky, right now
is the number 3
a number of which
involving me
3 deaths
within 3 weeks
i worry for whom
the next may seek
ones who were close,
people i love
for the rest of thier days
will live on above
Float along freely,
angels of mine
protect me so soon
i will be fine
although, i do wish
you werent off the land
you all deserve to be
caressed by God's hand
as you all rest
within His embrace
i pray that he
will lend me His grace
it is the third week
dear Mary is gone
memories are all
i have from now on
It is overwhelming
now and today,
but hopefully soon
i will be okay*

It basically describes me.

i grew up Christian and i read the Bible. Sounds pretty oldschool, i guess but thats me. this is one of my favorite verses which i came across maybe two weeks ago at church one morning and it basically fits me. so, i thought i'd share it with you guys :)

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18

even if you don't believe in God or the Bible, you've got to admit there are people like this. sometimes you know what yu wanna do but really just cant do it. either you don't know how or don't know exactly what but still there is. everyone knows they do stuff thats bad whether they admit it or not, and people really do wanna do good, whether they admit it or not. (of course everyone also had thier own standards of good and bad which also plays a part, but you get my point)

Acrostic - Torment

Torn, I am
Over your lies
Ringing in
My ears
Every day, I want
No more
Torment

Poem - Split

Her heart is confused
Her heart is torn
Her heart is beaten
Her heart is worn
Her heart is smothered
Her heart is lit
Her heart, forlorn
Her heart is split

In two pieces
Lie the remains
Side by side
They weigh in chains
Leaving a trail of tears
From sweet memories and lies
Happy beginnings
And sad goodbyes

One side of her heart
Doesn’t want to go
One side of her heart
Doesn’t want to know
One side of her heart
Wont tell a soul
One side of her heart
She thought was whole

All in all, she feels confused
One side is in love
One side is abused
She said as she cried
“what did I do?”
She asked to the sky
“which side is true?”

As she hid her face
She felt an arm around her
It appears her guardian
Angel has found her

He spoke to her softly
“everything will be fine”
Then let her know
“I’ll never leave you behind”

She looked up at him
He held her close
She felt so safe
He held her close

Once again,
He wiped her tears away
Once again,
She knew not what to say

Her heart is confused
Her heart is torn
Her heart is beaten
Her heart is worn
Her heart is smothered
Her heart is lit
Her heart, forlorn
Her heart is split

In two pieces
Lie the remains
Side by side
They weigh in chains
Leaving a trail of tears
From sweet memories and lies
Happy beginnings
And sad goodbyes

my favorite song at the moment...

The song Beautiful by H.I.M. is a song that is continuously stuck in my head. it plays over and over and never gets old. there are two versions and i love them both but here's one:

i use music to describe my moods and feeling and its just one of those songs that pin-point exactly how im feeling in the most perfect way. this band does that for me alot. Yeah, all of thier songs are love songs and that's my point. i'm a artist & a lover at heart and this band captures that, it feels good to listen to music that makes you feel understood, don't you agree?

Photography - Good Morning, Monday

i took this a couple weeks ago, i love sunrises and sunsets and the colors they make. that day turned out to not be so good, but the morning sky was gorgeous <3

Photography - Corsage

this is the corsage Nicko gave me for homecoming, but this was while it was still alive. lol. its kinda dried-up and shrively now but that's what flowers do. And even though that flower didn't live forever, the memory of that day always will :)

writer's block.

i think i'm going stupid. i mean yea, i'm already pretty dumb but i think im stretchin to fully retarded. not only am i stuck on writing in my stories, but i cant even think of anything to blog about! all you have to do is think of a subject and type about it, and i cant even do that. i havent gotten a good shot lately so i havent posted much new photography, i've been expirimenting with new styles in my poetry but i dont know if i like it or not so i'm afraid to post it. i've been focused alot more on music lately and all ive realy been doing is playing guitar, piano, singing and writing lyrics...i'v been meaning to paint but i havent gotten to it, ive got an image in my head but for some reason my hands just arent working and i dont entirely understand it...

i'm gonna try and get my muse back,

but first i gotta find it *

shout out to my one of my all-time favorite bands and main inspiration... H.I.M.

i'm not sure where i'd be without this band.

i listen to H.I.M. every day, i love thier lyrics and i love thier covers. I love thier band members and i love thier videos. i love Daniel Lioneye, the bands  other project with the guitarist as lead & the lead on drums. i love Ville Valo and basically everything about him, he's the man behind it all. it inspires me that he made the heartagra, thier logo. i made my own symbol actually based on one of thier songs with the same concept. basically every thing about this band is just amazing to me, because its my two favorite things combined: LOVE and METAL. you guys are the best! 

i was in a wierd mood when i made this...

yeah, i don't know lol

Photo Collection - Love You Like I Do

there is a song called "Love You Like I Do" by H.I.M. which is one of my favorite bamds, it was stuck in my head. it's the main inspiration for these—

—but near the end, i started listening to Alice In Chains.

The last picture is my favorite,

cuz of my eyes and the colors...

according to my friend,

 "it just screams grunge."

i'm fine with that lol

Homecoming —Last Saturday

there's one word to describe me before homecoming:

awkward.

i got dressed and packed some stuff then my mom wanted to take pictures of me...i dont know why. thats the best one up there ^ which means they were all bad. i was paranoid & nervous. as soon as my boyfriend got here i squealed and ran back up the stairs (while hating the fact i was wearing heels)

my mom drags me to the door and gets me out, i look at Nick, who was looking adorable and was like "oh crap, i'm gonna make him look so ugly..."  i was totally bad looking compared to him, or at least in my opinion i was. both of our mom's were totally camera-ready and caught all of my awkwardness...but they also got his adorableness :)

this one is my favorite that i made, when he was giving me my corsage. <3

one of the reasons i was scared was that i gonna be meeting his friends...i remembered one of them because he couldn't remember my name at the football game, haha but thats about it. i met them and they were all nice. it was cool how i went to HIS school's Homecoming but we met one of MY friends too, lol. my friend Kelsi's boyfriend goes there so we hung out with her too :) she took a couple pictures during the dance.

sadly, for maybe the first half of the dance i was kinda standin by myself :( i guess Nicko didn't feel like dancing...or at least not with me, haha. I think he danced with maybe half of the guys there, lol.

i think my favorite part might have been when he did "the dance" he actually got the guys to do it with him in a line, it was sooo funny! it looked a bit like this:

yes, the motion is supposed to simulate pelvic thrusts.

every time he does this, i smile :) lol

after the dance, we went back to his friend's house. it was raining and cold. a bunch of us got in the hot tub and i questioned myself about getting in the pool, but i didnt...i was chicken. lol. me and one of the guys dates, Amy, laid on the trampoline. it was wet and slippery but it felt good at the same time— besides the fact that our eyes were being pelted with raindrops, lol.

one thing i remember,

we sat by the fire with everyone (outside in the rain) and i was cold

nicko asked me if i wanted my jacket, as usual i tell him not to get it for me

but he does anyway

one of his friends was like "woah is that nick being sweet?!"

i was like yeah he does that alot

he rplied "with the way he talks, it doesnt seem like he'd be sweet"

aww, poor nicko lol

i look like a little kid hahaha

Friday,

i went to a football game at my boyfriend's school. i had fun, haha. my friend Kelsi was also there because her boyfriend is on the football team and goes to all the games. i hung out with her and Nicko pretty much the whole time.

when i got there i was really scared, cuz i didnt know anyone there...

but to my surprise, everyone knew me!

apparently, nicko brags about me to everyone, and he's knows pretty much  everyone..he said he talked about me all the time but i thought he was kidding! apparently he wasnt, lol.

i remember one guy, he walked up to us and then he was like "HOLD ON..." then he's thinking really hard and he was like "KITTY!" i was like yea, thats me, haha.

people knew me by name lol (nick name)

it was pretty cool

then my friend from church, briana, we ran into her...

nicko and briana's boyfriend thought we looked alike,

but they didnt knew we knew eachother

i remember looking over at her

and she was like "...Asberry?!"

and we were all like "Heeeey i know you!"

it was funny, our boyfriends were like

"WTF?!"

priceless.

of course, there was a huge scene

nicko's friend was pissed at his other friend

so he's yellin & goin everywhere

i had no clue what was going on,

so i just sat there like

la la la la...

it was a good day

^_^

my boyfriend's prettier than me

 

[Photo credit : Kelsi Howell]